The Beast

Almost as a recurring motive, whenever he puts on the "Vimes" coat, Pratchett talks about the man's inner Beast.

The sentient killer that is always lurking just below the surface of civility that Vimes has built. The animal in whose care you place your life in key moments, when you rely on your senses more than on your intellect, when /thinking/ about a move instead of just doing it is the gap between survival and a narrow alley for a grave.

Does that Beast exist in Vimes alone? Permit me to have my doubts. It is only normal for it to differ in purpose, abilities and aftermath, from person to person and from circumstance to circumstance.

I'm slowly letting it take me over, starting this evening. Because I fear what my Beast does to people around me, I'm letting it take me a bit at a time, like slowly sinking into hot water in a tub. I felt it affecting me today - the way I dressed, the music I listened to, the pic on my desktop. So I kept as quiet as I could. I loathe how it makes me feel: all full of myself, drowning in the awareness of what I can do, of how I can walk on water, bodies or whatever else needs to be walked on to achieve a goal. I hate how secure it makes me feel, because secure means cold-hearted, shrewd, unforgiving.

It is not who I want to be, and I made this choice a long time ago. But I still keep my pet around, chained up until I need it. Tomorrow feels like it will be a special day. This is probably why I have been shirking writing my application, or starting work on my thesis - because I know that I have to let it loose, and that, the longer it stays loose, the harder it is to chain it back up.

I left this as a reminder that I have to get back to normal after tomorrow is over. Spain will probably cure me, but I do not want to risk it still being around on Wednesday.

Evans Blue - Cold (but I'm still here)

Gack! gack-gack?! Gaaaack...

Erm... I have no idea how to phrase this, probably out of sheer embarrassment. *deep breath*

I have just spent 30 minutes of my life watching the worst yaoi OVA ever in the existence of modern humanity!onetwohundredandseven!

What in damnation ever possessed me to do that?! Please, if you plan on watching Kirepapa (and are not one of the hormone-ridden fangirls who expressed their undying devotion to this piece of dung with badly-drawn and mediocre-animated characters who are given every possible excuse and plot device to just /fuck/).... don't. Just don't, or else there will probably be no time left for Discworld's Procrastinators to spin, after we victims have all won our respective law suits demanding for compensation in the shape of our 30 minutes back.

Yes, I know I'm never this vehement about anything I come in contact with. Indeed, who am I to judge, as the poetess said. True, it's one person's opinion, and I /could/ have just stopped watching (though I was sincerely curious to see just how much worse it can get. And boy, did I find out! I mean, the kid's confession at the end of the OVA, that he's also gay, was just... beyond words. The gods of lame must be rejoicing as we speak.)

*breath*

Fuck me and my curiosity. I mean, I was supposed to rewatch the first epi of Sukisyo, in an effort to quench my recurring addiction for the series. *cue lemming clicking on several links that took her to /this/ particular masterpiece* Gonna go off to lurk towards my bed, carefully connecting head-first with all of the *count* 5 walls that I'll come across.

Make that 6, because I'll carefully hit one more after I close the door to my room.

KthxBYE.