When words epic-fail me

How could I possibly make it clear? How can I make anyone understand, even though I pour all of my earnestness into my words, and actually have the patience and the fervency (is that a word?!) to start the speech again and again with the same intensity, me, who hates redundancy and having to say the same thing twice? Why does no one take this seriously, and why do they only smirk, and I can practically feel the pat-pat-pat on the head...

If there was /anything/ you could be condescending to me about, well, this would be it, and you're all doing it so well. But I still feel the urgency, and the desperation. Why don't you get it that my eyes moist up and my chest gets heavy every time I think that I'm never going to see them in a live, all those bands that I adore and that are half-way around the world?! Why can't you understand that their volatile nature and the passion which they put into their music is what makes them disband - or, better yet, there are bands who have been together for more than a decade, and are border-line on retiring? And you - you laugh at me when I run out of a room sobbing in frustration when seeing line-ups - line-ups like this one. Ok, so I am a freak, and I'm acting like a child, and I want something that is out of my reach for now, and I have promised myself that I /will/ make it happen one day - but the thought that that day would be too late...

I regularly fall into obsessions for certain bands or songs. And I suppose that, from a purely cynical point of view, you could say that my budding fancy with really-young-indie-bands will probably ensure that "by the time I actually get there", they'll still be around. You would, wouldn't you? Sugar is already splitting up. Since1889 is going down the drain. UnsraW is on hiatus. Anything else you'd like to say to me?

And another thing - I jump from best-band-ever to best-band-ever, but that does not mean that I do not attach enormous emotional loads to certain songs and/or bands. Yes, I will probably get to see lives of bands that I will be fawning over at that time, but what if... what if? What if people like the authors of Izon no Niwa, Hybrid truth and Miseinen are no longer around?

Is it merely that you don't get how different one of their concerts is from concerts of western bands? Is that all it is - that you've never seen a live recording of five (gorgeous) people singing in front of a hall the size of a stadium (packed) where everyone was moving to a rhythm, mouthing the lyrics and living a connection with the artists on stage?

Geography sucks right now.