I should be sleeping...

...but I'm a sucker for coincidences, and I've just dug up something in the dark well of lost plots that is my computer. So here's in eager expectation of October 6th. Because I can. And because I have and I am. And because I can't find you on the internet as of today, so this is the third fact that adds to the coincidence. Myeah, I'm not making much sense, but I don't really care, it's late and I'm sleepy. Those who love this band will understand why some of the words in the following text seem odd :).

Amusing Muse

Newborn sun stuck up in the sky
Falling away in a haze of dew
Sunburn on my forehead and I wonder why
I feel like I’m falling away with you

Never wanted your rays, but I see them
Please hate this and I’ll love you
Unintended light upon the muscle museum
The world in which there’s just us two

Life and feelings ruled by secrecy
Micro cuts along the way
I’d burn it all but I’d be charged with larceny
And we’d never live to see today

Showbiz acts forced into my head
Megalomania has reached its peak
Screenager, youth with a heart of lead
The only light in a landscape so bleak

Butterflies and hurricanes endlessly shine
Singing for absolution without remorse
Recess in school, a flash on Time’s shrine
And Time deviates out of its course

Out of the light the dark shines through,
Blackout in thought without a doubt
And a voice in my head whispers anew
What I already know: time is running out time is running out time is running out

What have you done now?

How could you fall in love with someone so completely, so carelessly, so beyond the point of sanity and into the realm of dependence? How can a smile do that to you, how can a smile with its corners turning slightly downwards twist your heart like that? You should be worried, worried about the position you have so casually placed yourself in. When you are not your own, but belong like this to someone else, isn't it like you're practically begging for harm? Or could it be that you're begging for happiness? What can be said about you when you have put all the obstacles aside, and have learned to lean into a kiss, or a caress, without seat-belt?

You are your own self, true enough, and no matter what, no matter who or what will ever threaten you, I will always be there to defend you. Time to notice that there is no other.

High and mighty color - Ichirin no hana

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How could you fall in love with someone of your own gender, so faithfully and warmly and completely? How can you sit on a bus, late one night, and let the realization hit you, together with a smile when you think of her smile, of her friendship, of her warmth and dreaminess? Because you dream together, because you share things and are made different by things, because of her unassuming demeanour that you like so much, because of the fear that you will lose her like you have all the others, and your subsequent determination to make it last, or at least make it feel good. Because she has opened doors and opened her soul, and sometimes you just want to hold her, and wave all her worries away, or slap her heartily on the back for all the things she achieves. Because sometimes it's annoying that you aren't both male, so that such monkey-like behaviour will truly be interpreted as the ultimate oath of friendship-ever-after.

Dry your eyes and quietly bear this pain with pride, for heaven shall remember the silent and the brave. And promise me they will never see the fear within our eyes (my eyes are closed). We will give strength to those who still remain.

Cruxshadows - Winterborn

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How could you fall in love with a whole group of people? With them as group and with each of them separately, to the point where you walk down the street and smile when you think of them, to the point where your pulse accelerates when you start making plans for them, to the point where no matter how tired or sore, a few hours with them will keep you going for the rest of the week. Because they are beautiful, intelligent, special. Because they move in a world of warmth and crooked smiles, a world that heals and makes one dream. Because the dreams of those with good hearts can change the air around them and warp reality untill you are under the impression that everyone around you can kick ass so profusely.

Starlight, I will be chasing the starlight until the end of my life.I don't know if it's worth it anymore [...] And I'll never let you go if you promise not to fade away, never fade away

Muse - Starlight

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How could you fall in love with something innanimate to this extent? To the extent that it haunts your dreams and commands your waking hours? Of course this fascination is half-due to the hours upon hours of zero-activity that the holidays entail, but it has gone far beyond that, and you know it. Because this fascination is so delicious and sensual, so sweeping and playful and full of feelings that an average human such as yourself can only find this way. Because those people are beautiful, and extraordinary in every respect, because they do not live and breathe, but they make you breathe a little quicker, or live a little... faster? Because it's all like an avalanche, like a soft tune bouncing off the water and creating ripples by sheer force of will. Because they color dreams and imagination, make you laugh, cry, sigh, kyaa & squee, punch the air, growl in frustration, and quiver a bit at the idea that even this will have an end, somewhere, so you should just milk it for all it's got. Now!

Cigarettes and chocolate milk / These are just a couple of my cravings / Everything it seems I likes a little bit stronger / A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me

Rufus Wainwright - Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

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For all the things you love, you still cannot fall in love with yourself. You are a disappointment. How can you not forgive yourself enough to love and understand yourself? Perhaps because you know you will never deserve that love, no matter what you do? Yeees, that seems a plausible enough reason...

Anna Rose it makes my heart smile
to know you give love so freely
Anna Rose it makes it worthwhile
your love makes me see things so clearly
how it grows heaven knows
Anna Rose sleep well tonight

Days

Time passes, because that is the only thing it knows how to do. I remember the way I loved you, and the way you smiled. And I remember walking and sitting and sometimes I feel that the stones in the city have more memories of you than me. And you know I dream of you at night, and I wake up rattled and scared, because in the dream everything was as it should be, and you were there, walking and laughing and speaking to me. I remember and I forget, and you're always there except for when you aren't. I want to move past the need to search for you everywhere, because all I find is memories and ghosts. Ghosts of Greenhours and Piata Amzei, and of the streets around the Mall, ghosts of the sea and the mountains, of forests in the morning and I can't find myself in you, because you aren't here anymore. The only place I can find you in isn't like you. It's cold and sad and lonely - only bugs, and the lake, and unrelenting sun, and your grave. But I know you aren't cold when it rains, and that you're laughing at the first snow of the year, when I'm walking through the streets far away and willing a snowflake to prove that you're still thinking of me. Are you watching over all the people who knew you and who loved you so much, or are you really gone? I'll forever hate that blasted sea, and myself for failing you, and whenever I go into my room the first thing I see is the drawings, and I remember the bird on your wall, and the smell of your skin, and I think I'm kidding myself. I have no right to write this. I just hope I'll dream of you yet another night.