the trousers of time

i had an odd dream. i was walking around some rooms of a house, all of them with huge, ceiling-to-floor windows. there should have been a lot of light, but it was either dusk, or just cloudy, because the light was morose and little to speak of. i was semi-scared, cold and clutching something black at my chest (i think it was a t-shirt or annorak or smth or whatever you spell that :P). i could hear music coming from somewhere, the only sign that the house was inhabited. i wanted to find the people who were singing (because it was live, not recorded). i just wanted to find the room, crack the door open and take a look. if i didn't like what i saw, i could run away. the option was very well-instilled into my brain, and i was more than half afraid that i really would not like what i saw. from time to time they stopped, and i could hear laughter, or the lack of sound that marked a breather. i kept my face burried in the black cloth i was hugging. there was another tune humming in my head, very different from what the mystery-people were singing. i wanted to somehow be able to hug the tune as well. i never made it to that room.

i didn't actually dream all this. but i very well could have. it's really just a mettyfor for things that i can't just come out and say without hurting some feelings, and probably mine in the process. a while ago, i actually wanted to post something here about how i was feeling two lemmings travelling on their separate paths down the trousers of time. i had funny snippets of dreams, avoided hitting my head against a pipe at the very last moment but still felt a resemblance of pain where my eye should have connected with metal, remembering i had to do something that was a consequence of something i hadn't actually done, and so on.

it all calmed down after a couple of days, but i wish it would all come back. at least it would signal the fact that another lemming has done something about something. it would be a bit like cheating, but only provided i could actually get a sense of how the action-lemming is actually feeling. however, what is there really to do?

I wonder if i'd invite myself to my own wedding...