making memories / i don't understand

I'm tired and it's becoming harder for me to switch my mental gears between the things I'm doing. And I feel this something pressing down on me, and choking me a little. I'm also a bit confused.

There's a big debate on which the real Seimei is: Ritsuka's or Soubi's. And I'm left to wonder if they can't both be the real one. Why can't a person act different with different persons. Why must you always be the same? Is there something to gain from that? Is there integrity to be found at the end of that road? Am I wrong to be a chameleon and ply myself on each of my loved ones' personality? Why can't Seimei be a sadistic bastard who just loves the one fragile and delicate thing in his life?

I feel a bit lost. I'd like a hug on a couch and a cup of hot tea. I'd like to understand why I feel like a sieve, and why all the seconds that are passing through me hurt like this. I'd like to know why I got that premonition on Friday, and if it really is based on something real.

My birthday passed but it didn't feel like my day at all. Not this time, either. The winter holidays are coming, and I need a new obsession to keep myself busy for the month, especially since I am devouring my current one a bit recklessly.

This year was a busy one. Hungary - Bulgaria - Holland - Greece - Prague - Sweden - Hungary - mountains - sea-side. Pfff, I need to gain a better sense of self-awareness, because I've come to a point where I'm looking at myself from the inside and thinking it's not me I'm seeing. I think it's finally time I got to know myself as I should. Procrastination ends... tomorrow /:)