lemming land

Lemming has moved...

2009-06-26T14:16:00.002+02:00

... to Livejournal. See you in the land of Lj-cuts, instantaneous-links-to-senpai, various posting icons and other such perks *is shot*. I want a Gazette layoooooouuuuuuttt, waaaah :'(

Um. yeah. See you there.

When words epic-fail me

2009-06-18T12:17:00.003+02:00

How could I possibly make it clear? How can I make anyone understand, even though I pour all of my earnestness into my words, and actually have the patience and the fervency (is that a word?!) to start the speech again and again with the same intensity, me, who hates redundancy and having to say the same thing twice? Why does no one take this seriously, and why do they only smirk, and I can practically feel the pat-pat-pat on the head...

If there was /anything/ you could be condescending to me about, well, this would be it, and you're all doing it so well. But I still feel the urgency, and the desperation. Why don't you get it that my eyes moist up and my chest gets heavy every time I think that I'm never going to see them in a live, all those bands that I adore and that are half-way around the world?! Why can't you understand that their volatile nature and the passion which they put into their music is what makes them disband - or, better yet, there are bands who have been together for more than a decade, and are border-line on retiring? And you - you laugh at me when I run out of a room sobbing in frustration when seeing line-ups - line-ups like this one. Ok, so I am a freak, and I'm acting like a child, and I want something that is out of my reach for now, and I have promised myself that I /will/ make it happen one day - but the thought that that day would be too late...

I regularly fall into obsessions for certain bands or songs. And I suppose that, from a purely cynical point of view, you could say that my budding fancy with really-young-indie-bands will probably ensure that "by the time I actually get there", they'll still be around. You would, wouldn't you? Sugar is already splitting up. Since1889 is going down the drain. UnsraW is on hiatus. Anything else you'd like to say to me?

And another thing - I jump from best-band-ever to best-band-ever, but that does not mean that I do not attach enormous emotional loads to certain songs and/or bands. Yes, I will probably get to see lives of bands that I will be fawning over at that time, but what if... what if? What if people like the authors of Izon no Niwa, Hybrid truth and Miseinen are no longer around?

Is it merely that you don't get how different one of their concerts is from concerts of western bands? Is that all it is - that you've never seen a live recording of five (gorgeous) people singing in front of a hall the size of a stadium (packed) where everyone was moving to a rhythm, mouthing the lyrics and living a connection with the artists on stage?

Geography sucks right now.

I have a watch that's stopped, but it's still right twice a day

2009-06-12T08:11:00.007+02:00

My parents have, since the day I turned 18, been irregularly giving me antique (and beautiful) jewellery as presents, and motivating this endeavour through the fact that we have no family heirlooms, so they buy these baubles at art auctions in order for me to be the first in the family to start the "trend".

They could not have been more wrong. Because my father, due to his education and tastes, is something of an art snob (which is endearing), and my mother was kept well enough away from my father's side of the family not to know. Not to remember. The existence of something that came into my posession yesterday - and which is currently featuring at the top of my "most treasured treasures" list.

My grandmother shuffled her way over *hums "I'm not gonna think about it" in her head repeatedly*, searched thoroughly through her bag, pulled out a small clutch, and from /that/, pulled out my grandfather's pocket watch. The one that he received from my grandmother's own grandfather when they were married. The one that's been in the family for over 100 years.

I kept holding it and looking at it (moronically, probably) - I couldn't tear my gaze from it, because it is the single most beautiful thing I have ever had, and for two reasons, at that! Not only does it have a history (the history of my family, which is relatively strange, because our culture is not one that really emphasizes, or encourages, remembering family histories beyond two or three generations back. Also, the history of people dear to me - which is not the same as family in my book - and my realizing how much and, at the same time, how impardonably little I knew about them), but it is also gorgeous - large-ish, with no front cover, white-faced, with roman lettering and an added "face" for the seconds. The back cover opens and inside is engraved a serial number, and the name of the maker - Paul Garnier, Horologer (sp?) de la Marine, Paris.

I discussed it with mom, whether or not I should take it in to be repaired. But in the end I decided against it - I'm afraid they'll rip it for parts, since it's well enough kept, or that they'll break it somehow. Besides, I adore how, very elegantly, it's stopped at 9.30 (and 10 seconds). Seriously, it could have stopped at like 12 past 10, or something equally dull (I am saying that now, but I would have loved it anyway).

And it has brought back so many memories of its previous owner. I wonder when it stopped (while he was still alive, of course). He wore it on Sundays, when he went to church. He used to sing in the church choir, did you know that? Even after I appeared. He'd take us to church, and I'd wait in the garden (because it was summer, and stifling hot) with my grandmother (who was well indoctrinated by the communists, and therefore against spiritual manifestations). I have pictures from that time.

I was always slightly bothered when he took me to the park, instead of grandmother - because whereas grandma always made friends with other grannies, or did crossword puzzles, or knitted, he always sat on a bench and looked at me. We'd be there for 4 hours at a time, or more - and he never once was looking somewhere else, when I turned to check on him. I tried to persuade him to find himself something to do, I swear I did. But I never understood why he was so adamant to refuse.

He was the one who believed me when I told them that there was a pack of wolves in the corridor and a witch living in the pantry. He was the one who brought home fish (he loved to go fishing) and then fried all the fish, instead of putting some in the freezer for later, just so that I could eat more fried fish tails.

I remember his smell after he came home from fishing with his buddies. I remember the smell of the tuica he would drink every afternoon, after everyone woke up from their afternoon naps (same amount, in the same funny-shaped mini-pitcher, "toi", and the same dialogue that went on between the two of us, under my grandmother's disapproving gaze: Tataie, ce-ai acolo? Apa, tataie, apa. I would laugh, because I knew he was telling tales, and he would laugh because I was laughing.)

He would come every morning to our house, before dawn, and drink coffee with mom while dad got ready for work. We would both, then, get into his old car and go to their place. We almost always caught the sunrise on this trip, sometimes as the sun was coming out over the park, and he would always sing me the same song, a song to which he only knew the refrain: "Soleil, soleil". It was on one of those trips that I first correctly pronounced the letter "r", instead of "l". Because grandpa was worth the special effort.

He would buy me ice-cream, he would cook for me, he would protect me from my grandmother's rages, and he would occasionally make tuica in the kitchen, in a home-made installation that looked like some alchemical equipment, while we ate our lunch.

He always carried a fine-toothed comb with him, so that he could comb his hair over his bald-plate. I mimetically inherited the way I rub my eyes when I'm sleepy from him.

He was 10 years older than my grandmother, had married her through an arranged marriage when they were very young. She never loved him, looked down on him because she considered him a "simple" man. He could draw and sing better than almost anyone I've met. And apparently he was an accountant.

I made him cry just once, but in my defence I can't really tell, looking back, if he was crying from all the laughter, or from happiness. Because I had reached my 1-meter-tall mark at the measuring post (the frame of the door between the entrance hall and the living-room), and I called them to show off. I called them by name, for the first and only time in my life, not by their real names, but by the endearment terms that they used with each-other. How could two such different people, who had lived their lives together but very actively apart, call each-other like that? "Ionel! Lenuta!"

He always woke up very early, to get the butter out of the fridge so that it would have time to warm up enough to be put on bread in just the right amount, with salt and pepper. That and milk-and-cocoa will forever be my favourite breakfast. And even when that house will be empty, I will still see them, sitting across from each-other at the table - my grandmother on the left, my grandpa on the right, and me on the longer side, between the two of them.

I wasn't in Bucharest when he died. I wasn't told that he died - we rushed home from the mountains on a rainy evening because he was feeling very sick, I thought. Only when, some months later, I saw my grandmother dressed all in black, I understood. I had thought him in the hospital, all this time. Mom says that he died at home, and that he was alone.

And yesterday, as I was moving through the house, taking the pocket watch with me everywhere I went, I kept envisaging myself breaking it, for some reason. Vividly, repeatedly - dropping it, or smacking it against some corner of furniture. It was horrible, and my stomach clenched every time. How could I ever let that happen?

When I find a chain that is sturdy enough, I'm going to hang it around my neck as a pendant. And if I ever get married, I'm going to wear it, and when I have a son, I'll pass it on to him and tell him about the amazing person that was his great-grandfather. The one who bought me ice-cream, and helped my catch snails and bring them home, then fed them parsley, the one who sang to me and drew with me and failed to teach me how to ride a bike.

Open letter to my sweetheart

2009-06-08T19:49:00.002+02:00

My dear,

You left me in a quandary, wrapped in a dilemma (covered in shaolin monks). I love you so much, that I only, forever, only want to show you my best side, the nicest parts of myself. So that you may think, above all others, who see me at my best and at my worst, that I am the most wonderful person on Earth - and so you will love me even more, forever.

And yet you have the wisdom to truly love me and, by doing that, accept me for what I really am, and still like what you see. I will never understand that. Because in accepting me, and putting me at my ease whenever I am near you, I grow less dilligent and therefore let my real character show. And yet you love me. How silly of you. And how amazing.

With love and awe,

The Lemming

Music never dies

2009-06-03T09:21:00.003+02:00

Never age. Never die. Live for ever in that last white-hot moment, when the crowd screamed. When every note was a heart-beat. Burn across the sky.

You will never grow old. They will never say you died. Live fast. Die young.

To die for music… People will always remember the songs he never had the chance to sing. And they will be the greatest songs of all.

Live your life in a moment. And then live for ever. Don’t fade away.

(Terry Pratchett – Soul music)

Finding this bit again provoked a smile - the mysteries of the human imagination, painting everything they wish to see on the blank canvas that is other people.

Thanksgiving Day - the early and slightly skewed lemming version

2009-06-02T09:17:00.006+02:00

I wake up every morning and tell myself that "this is the day when I will write this post". But since, as everyone who ever met me probably knows, I am by no means a morning person, I lack the energy to do so.

And then evening comes, and I find myself walking home at that time of day when night has fallen, but there's still some light left in the air (every-fooking-day for the last two weeks or so. I swear I am becoming activityholic, or something). And while walking home, you see, I invariably take the same route. It takes me through the large intersection and down my street, that street which has not been everyone's-normal-definition-of-quiet in years, the street with narrow sidewalks and lots of trees and wild roses. And while walking (always on the left-hand sidewalk), I look up at the sky which you can see in the gap between the appartment buildings on the right. And the sky, for the past month or so, is this amazing shade of blue. It's not "blue like something" - not even sky-blue (since that's daylight-sky-blue, right?). But it's so deep, and so scary, and so strong a colour, that it reminds me, instantly, what an amazing year I've been having, and all the things I have to be thankful for. (for some reason which doesn't need to really exist, kinda like one of those goat - pudding - garden gnome mental associations)

Like Amsterdam. Like discovering the Gazette. Like my new-found obsession with Kuroko no Basket, Solanin and seinen manga in general. Like finding freedom in constraining circumstances. Like working for things I love and I'm proud of. Like the Motoare not closing down. Like playing Talisman with the gang. Like drinking strong-ass coffee with lots of milk early in the morning. Like waking up after two consecutive nightmares (one of which involving my mother dying, and one provoking self-hatred because it was so damned /interesting/, and yet I couldn't remember it and write it down) and /not/ having one of them diagnosable anxiety attacks that were so frequent in the past. Like feeling I can do anything, go anywhere - that the world belongs to me. "Man proposes, God disposes", says Kuroko, and though I still have some doubt about who exactly it is that is doing all the "disposing", I'm all for the "proposing" - the sky's the limit, and all you need is metaphysical ballz. Like reading some amazing amazing books lately, jumping from one glorious masterpiece to another and being all tickled inside when I look next to my bed, at my to-read pile, which is currently only slightly taller than bed+me on it. Like discovering the BEST BEST BEST fanfiction writer ever existing on the interwebz (and I am, for once, not exaggerating in the "best song/movie/book evah-EVAH" lemmingTM fashion) - a writer who has brought me out of lows, induced highs, made me laugh and cry (irl, not just on the inside), and has kept me fooking hooked to whatever s/he writes. Of course, what sucks is that now I can't read any other fanfics without instantly scoffing - even for people I had previously admired and fawned over, writing-style-wise. Talk about being spoiled by goodness.

I be happy camper, and this happy-campingness has been lasting me since, oh, you know, the beginning of the /year/! Lala-freaking-laaaaa, bring on the pink ponies and rainbows and shit, because I need a backdrop against which to sing a yoddle, musical-muppet-play-style. Yay for sillines!

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Oh, yes. Could the deja-vu's kindly go kill themselves and leave me the fuck alone? I had even almost kinda gotten used to the idea of having one per day, but this is jumping-over-the-proverbial-horse, my lovelies. Fuck off.

3 times YAYZ for lazy days!

2009-05-14T14:35:00.003+02:00

...or, "How I Ate Instant Mushroom Cream Soup With My Mother Yesterday"

*rolls up sleeves. Collapses on keyboard* So I'm just emerging from a hellavabusy week-and-a-half - which of course means that the lemming is genki, energized and has a LOT of will-and-desire to get down and busy. Thankfully for my mental sanity, there's not a lot to be being busy with just at the moment. I think my Duracells are running a bit low.

Two weekends ago was the First of May, and we celebrated Labor Day by not working. Makes sense, right? *rolls eyes* There I was, early on Friday morning, way way way too early, arriving last at the spot in front of TP's place of employment from whence the coach would take us to the friendly neighbouring country of Bulgaria for a weekend of boozing, gambling, whoring and debauchery (and I'm only marginally exaggerating, yay!)

We get to the 5-stars-which-was-indulgently-3-stars-if-you-really-squinted-to-see-them hotel near Varna, and promptly check in. The ride was much more sedated than I'd anticipated, given the crew we were sharing the back of the bus with, so I wasn't all that tired. Going downstairs an hour later, we discover that lunch had just ended, and we have to wait for 4 more hours without sustenance. Since we are pragmatical fellows, however, we find sustenance in the form of beer and vodka-orange, which on an empty stomach works wonders and prompts us to go exploring.

Therefore:
- we get to the beach

- we engage in a pebble-skipping-on-the-water championship to determine who shall hereforth ferry the beers from the open bar to the table. I am teh referee.

- we climb a pier and engage in a whoever-spits-further-and-with-more-flegm competition (I referee again). The joys of hanging out with teenage-minded-boys are endless.

- we watch mesmerized as P. tries to cross the distance between our side of the pier and the still-standing end of it, which are separated by a small chasm and one (repeat, 1) rusted pipe as thick as my arm. My arm is not thick at all. P. claims he can walk across the pipe without having any handhold, but /with/ having one too many beers in his belly. He fails. He, however, does not fall into the (rather freezing) water. All is well.

- we put up with K/C/D's constant whining about how he forgot his camcorder in his room. Such is life.

- we take one too many hidden/dubious/overgrown paths and get inexorably lost. The "I wonder where this path leads" strategy can only work so many times, it seems. We are slightly dismayed.

- I discover a knack for prophecy, and promptly use it to prophesize that it will take us the rest of the 90 mins. left before dinner to /find our way back to a hotel situated in a two-by-four resort/. It obviously comes true.

- we get pleasantly lost in a bazaar

- we fail to persuade K/C/D to pee in the drinkable water spring. Apparently he is not drunk enough.

- as if to make it up, however, he treats us a show whereing he's trying to sharpshoot a target that's slightly too far away, with a toy rifle which is slightly too-old-for-this-shit, while swaying gently where he stands. TP tapes him from a distance while I attempt to do a Teleenciclopedia voice-over.

- we decide to adopt the "I wonder where this path leads" one more time, and find ourselves... in front of the hotel. It's still 10 minutes before dinner.

Dinner sucks, of course, mostly due to the crowd, the low quality and lack-of-quantity of the food and generally other stuff. There is, however, kick-ass zacusca.

During the evening we get pleasantly plastered, play cards, smoke too much and have wild sex. The joys of roadtripping. It's fun to be the largest group in the hotel - it means we get to be extra-loud and obnoxious about everything. I would have been anyway ;^__^.

Next day is lazy. We don't move our asses from the hotel, but instead eat all three meals, start drinking early, make fun of the bosses who had ventured into the inexorably crappy weather to visit Balcic (I was sad TP couldn't see it this time. But there'll be plenty of opportunities, I assume. The weather wasn't right for it anyway). We play cards and games all day, leading up to drunken charades ("intabulare", "cvasi-static", "ministrel", "filament" and "geodezie" ftw) and drunken Trombon (without exaggeration the BEST fun of my life). When we can't keep our eyes open anymore, we go to sleep. After several tries, I actually manage to insert the card into the slot and open the door to the room. More wild sex ensues.

Sunday is quiet, a day for nursing our wounds. Of course I get carsick on the way home, though I treat it with Cheesecake-and-strawberries-and-biscuit-chips icecream. There is a heaven for the suffering. I get home and crash on my bed. The next day, the Have a Lemon - Taste Diversity exhibition would begin, and with it, a week of work-from-7-in-the-morning-to-10-at-night. Joyzes.

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HLTD was a week-long sound exhibition-and-living-library organized by the lovely association. Go check out the site. I'm actually in a picture there! =))

It was fooking amazing, and being a part of this project kicked severe ass. There were hundreds of people visiting each day, and at least a hundred per day for the Living Library (where I was one of the librarians). I don't think I'd've ever envisaged such a kick-ass way of opening your world, of getting yourself - and others - to think outside the box. It's a see-it-to-believe-it thing, and I came away from it feeling so very refreshed and having a very positive, can-do attitude. YES! I /can/ be overworked and still smiling at the end of the day! (provided I'm doing something I love). I'm not going into any more detail, even running the risk of forgetting them in the end. MINE!

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Last weekend was Talisman weekend. Geeky boardgame FTW! (also, it should be illegal to have as much luck as I had during that last game. Too bad one bad decision undid it all :-< I'm so whooping your guys' asses next time, tho! *__~)

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Yesterday was the first quiet afternoon since the 1st of May, and only because I made it so (I got scared by the weather, so cleared my afternoon schedule so I could go home. The weather turned out to be not-so-bad. Urgh. I missed out on getting some paperwork from the association, buying a present, meeting with E. and seeing a theatre play which was promising to be kewl. So much for all /that/)

What I did instead was /much/ more enjoyable, surprisingly. I got home, crashed in my armchair, watched telly with mom and ate disgusting-tasting, lumpy, plasticcy, hot, instant mushroom cream.

I stirred and smoked while mom looked on dubiously, then we poured it into two mugs, spent 15 minutes complaining how it was too hot and too foul-tasting, then gulped it down. There was no other food in the house.

I'm having a hard time explaining why this was very many kinds of awesome. You'd have to have known many, many details about my mom, dad, household habits and stuff to get it. I'm sure very few people could, but take my word for it - best-spent afternoon in a while.

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I have 30 more minutes before I got forth and multiply (i.e: my working hours end). Sadly, I am going to multiply at the dentist's, where I have a root-canal-intervention-thingummy. I swear this tooth has it in for me. Laying on the chair yesterday (when there was a power outage and therefore I could not be worked on *rolls eyes* I might have been a /teensy wee bit/ impolite about that. We'll just see judging on how badly today will hurt :))... ha.), I realized I've been having trouble with it for *counts* 5 years. Maybe knocking it out myself (with the help of, say, a jack-hammer, or a frontal collision with a large truck) is not such a bad idea after all...

Kya, kya, kyahahahaha, OHMYGACKT!

2009-05-11T12:30:00.003+02:00

... in other words, the lemming is happy. So, so, so happy. The happiest. Happy, happy day!

OK, enough procrastination from the topic. I can't find my words, but there's no rush, since I can't really see the keyboard all that well because of the mistiness of joy (tm).

We're going to Amsterdam. It's all settled, was settled today, some minutes ago. TP and I both got in to the master programmes we were aiming for, and we're going TOGETHER!

Oh, fate-cum-god-cum-all-mighty-entity-I-still-had-qualms-about-believing-in-
-a-couple-of-years-ago (and which I now call Thor), thank you! You have one HAPPY lemming on your hands right now. (and one which is so scatter-brained right now, one which slept so badly last night for worry, and whose stomach is /still/ a knot of nerves, because a couple of hours ago I'd gotten to a point where I just couldn't handle the not-knowing anymore, that I still can't gather my neuron(s) enough to produce anything but this. But this is enough. We've done it.)

*goes off to start planning* Washing dishes together, here we come! :D

Quiz (haven't done one in a while)

2009-04-30T20:35:00.001+02:00

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

... I hate this. It's like they know me *Uru-pouts at the makers of the quiz*

grumbles

2009-04-30T13:31:00.004+02:00

--- WARNING: this post contains heavy, perhaps almost excessive, whining (in a twisted, matter-of-fact sort of packaging). Handle with care. ---

There's a persistant pain over my right eye (yes, the practically blind one), recurring nosebleeds, a moronic sort of muscle spasming in my legs and (predominantly) arms and neck (which has made me embarassed about partaking in public transportation), and lately I've also been getting the feeling that, for a split second, I don't have my bearings anymore (you know, like whether I'm vertical or at an angle, which way is up and down), after which my peripheral vision briefly disintegrates.

My body can kindly go throw itself off a high bridge (without me in it, of course. I still have important stuff to accomplish. Like write the "3 kinds of duck" RuRu fanfic).

On a happier note, this blog is almost three years old. Aaaaaawwww *huggles the darling*

Oh my gackt!

2009-04-25T18:57:00.004+02:00

What follows is proof that Gackt is God (and the other way round, as well):

1. The power of logic
Lemming: So, in a battle between Gackt and God, who would win?
TP: *seemingly reluctant to answer because he is sensing a trick question*... Gackt?
Lemming: Uh-uh. Try again.
TP: *rolls eyes* I don't know. I give.
Lemming: Go on...!
TP: Fine. God?
Lemming: *triumphant smirk* Uh-uh. Because, you see, Gackt is God! Trick question, mofo!
TP *falls over from OD of dork*

2. If it's on teh interwebz, then it must be true!

... several pages into the first 'personalized*' Gazette fansite that I found, the webmistress shows her particular aweness to something-or-other by going "Ohmygackt!". Things are becoming clearer and I am definitely beginning to see the light.

3. Truth can be found in art

... halfway through chapter 5 of Ludwig Kakumei, and I come across this particular masterpiece:

*Rapunzel needs to be protected from a monster in the forest. Prince Silvio suggests a solution*

"Well, of course I'd elect bodyguards from my father's army, and install a system of 24-hour srveillance monitors..."

*everyone else sweatdrops heavily*

"You could even give her bodyguards like the ones Gackt has..."

And I do believe I am thus entitled to rest my case. I can henceforth bask in the certainty that, no, I am not just a(nother) deluded fangirl. The signs are everywhere, and all you have to do is open your eyes, minds and chakras and /read them./

Srsly, I'm like contemplating going to church now...

... but let's not push the joke all that far, ne? ^__* <-- *particularly deranged face*

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* by "personalized" I merely meant that it was the first site to have comments from the admin interspersed inbetween all teh lurvely media and translations *goes off to stare at all the Aoi scans. Again.*

in which the lemming /again/ writes in bits, pieces and the third person

2009-04-23T08:58:00.005+02:00

- 18 pages into the story, and Solanin has stolen my heart. Whoo, there it goes around that corner, and the red stuff dripping from its little black-and-white hands is not ketchup. Who woulda thought I was finally ready for seinen? Seriously, if this keeps up, you're gonna next see me ranting about Ergo Proxy (not sure if it's entirely seinen, tho), Serial Experiments Lain and Welcome to the NHS. (the above is not a whine, it is my to-read list ^__^. I can see how a novice could get the two mixed up ;>.>).

- first chorus into the song, and Moi Dix Mois's Angel ran away with my liver (because my heart was already gone. Actually, that's a bit wrong, because I heard Angel first and started on Solanin afterwards, but I'm learning that special special skill of prioritizing. Teh joy.)

I'll try to expand on the MDM phenomenon, not in the least because it was unexpected. It was kinda like getting your period all of a sudden, thinking "damn, it's early", and then realizing that it's not really, but that you actually haven't got the foggiest idea of what day it is. Or month, for that matter. Kinda like /that/ kind of unexpected.

I tumbled in love with MDM through La dix croix, drooled over some of their lives, liked Front et baiser enough to get some other random songs (from... somewhere. Can't remember. Not the jvk, that's for sure.) So, I have to ask myself looking back on those mornings when I would wake myself (and the surrounding floors of my appartment building) with the /strange/ (not to put too fine a point on it) riffs of LDC, why did I stop?

Judging from the "Jrock misc" folder in my bookmarks, I discovered Gackt just around then. That would explain quite a number of things (regarding reading, food and jewelery tastes, as well as new-found friendships, droolness over non-glittery vampires, an envy of Poland, a misunderstood phrase that sparked fervent Jgrammar studies for a while, and more tempered studies afterwards, and a burning desire to have a partition wall made out of beads - not anal - in my future house), but it didn't make too much headway into why I /entirely forgot/ about MDM.

And then Shizuka appeared in my life (the electrical appliance, not the assassin), and with it, MDM also reared its head from between all the indies. So I was on a bus*, coming home one night and that gorgeous-and-slightly-creepy man started singing the "tenshi no hane wa iroase hajimete no kotoba [etc]", and the entire shazzam with their fierce and dubious and gothic-victorian-androginous-mysterious image flashes through my mind and is replaced by... a person who is quiet, shy and, yeah, ok, a bit creepy, but kind. And he's trying, so hard, with that typical Japanese give-your-utmost-best perseverance, to get his message, his warning, across, but he doesn't know how. Because he never tried to express his feelings before, and now he can't find the words. So he resorts to that idiotic artifice of human communication - he repeats what he's trying to say, but what the other isn't understanding, in /exactly the same words/ - over and over, more forcefully or more despondently, but always the same.

Why find new words when you can just repeat the ones ingrained in your head over and over, until your brain dries out? (lemming is going through a phase where she feels that she's overly robotized when relationing to society. Yes, I need medication.)

- on a completely what-the-fuck note, the series of commercials currently running for the Penny Market supermarket chain makes me so depressed that I found myself staring at my tv screen in disbelief last night. (yes, I have taken to watching 20 - 30 minutes of tv once every couple of days. It ensures I'm up to date with the commercials, and can promptly annoy my friends by incessantly humming jingles.)

The whole deal with "what is this power? where does it come from? why do we only have it here?" makes me want to repeatedly bang my head against the nearest sharp corner of furniture available. So this is, supposedly, a comm for a cheap supermarket chain, where people (my brain interprets. Is it the only one?! O.o) finally have purchasing power to... you know, buy shit. Like something more than bread and water?! And the voiceover lady sounds so depressed-and-medicated-on-at-least-three-Xanax-pills-a-day that I can't help but picture a beggar buying yoghurt and Zewa-like toilet paper and rejoicing as he walks out (and steals the shopping cart while he's at it, because you should never diss a good shoppng cart. *rolls eyes*).

How can you... ooooh, groovy, I can't verbalize exactly what has me so worked up about it all... how can you minimize the financial problems of a large segment of the population (and, not to generalize, but judging from the tv stations where I've seen this comm run, also a key segment of your target audience), especially now, when a tidal wave of unadulterated economic shit is about to hit us, and make it out like it's fooking /magical/ to be able to buy oranges and chocolate pudding (or whatever) just because, you know, you couldn't do it before, you broke prick, but here we are, the good samaritans, and we're practically handing it to you on a fooking platter. Cause you're poor and we know it. And we're being bloody /magical/ about it. Bleh.

I clearly have too much free time on my hands...
_____________________________________________________________

* what is it with this combo: bus + night + lemming coming home + April = revelation?! Does so not compute. Yes, I'm aware a /year/ has passed since revelation nr. 1, and that rev nr. 2 has nothing to do with its predecessor whatsoever. Still... huh! *lemming deep-thinking pose*

in which the lemming...

2009-04-09T13:10:00.004+02:00

... decides that putting out a cigarette is like Pokemon: you gotta catch'em all. And by all, I mean the cinders. Four and a half years of smoking, and I still can't put out a cigarette properly. Yay *dork*

... laments that she seems to be putting way too much sugar in her tea. Consequently, she seems to be gaining weight around the midriff section. Also laments that she doesn't seem to be able to drink tea otherwise - it feels like it's sticking to the back of my throat. Rejoices, however, in the knowledge that she's spending more and more time refering to herself in the third person. Hah.

... is pained by a loss, but is learning to let go. Since she always says that it's not healthy to run after people who simply have no more room in their lives for you. Oh, but she could bitch about it for hours ^__^. But she will not, because yet again she has gotten burned and is nursing her wounds in a bitter-old-lady-with-many-cats way.

... is determined to make e-memories, especially taking into account that her own memory is slipping, slowly but surely. Thus, last Sunday was:
- love for the IOR park, with all its sunny paths and trees in bloom
- being snowed upon by pink-ish petals
- having a shaorma picnic on the grass
- rollerblading once around the lake, after which we rested our weary bones - for we are geezers.
- huge crowds of people out for walkies. I can has walkies, yes I can!

... is pleased that, in the best "Divided we stand, united we... would probably poke each-other's eyes out" Wartsheep Clan tradition, she won't be spending her Easter without Mum. Good times.

... is reading more Jrock fanfiction than is mentally healthy, probably. I'm still waiting for the author / theme that will "enervate" me so much that it will prompt me to write my own. The world had /better/ look out, if that ever happens.

... is praying for Amsterdam. Secretly. Oh please oh please oh please, pull through, pull through, oh ploxx.

... is wishing her beloved the happiest birthday evavah! O-tanjoubi omedetto gozaimasu, Tp-kun! (spelling mistakes and all :P)

... is (still) putting off writing about Lupeni, because she has no carrot (read: pictures) to motivate her. Tudor kinda said it all - and beautifully at that. Waaaah, teh purdy purdy place, with teh lurvely lurvely pplz0r!

... ohboi

2009-04-08T10:46:00.002+02:00

There we go, she's gone in, now all I can do is wait and keep my fingers crossed. And try not to give in to the sudden desire to vomit. Hoshit.

Oh please oh please oh please let her be alright.

________
________
________

Later edit: Almost two and a half hours later, and she's ok. She's aching and stuff, but she's alive. We're in for better times (if it's not too much to hope for). Thank you thank you thank you.

Life in Jrock land is sometimes unexpected

2009-04-02T13:22:00.004+02:00

So it turns out that even in Jrock land, it's not /all/ about the yaoi.

While browsing the interwebz today (pretending to work), I came across a piece of news that left me going "hmmm... [pauza pauza pauza] aaaawww!". Who would have thought one of the goofiest, most childish (in persona, at least, if not irl) people in the industry would get /married/. And he's even having a kid. I found that so sweet, and endearing, and... you know, fluffy. Really really fluffy. Oh, and by the way, the chick is fucking gorgeous! (just needed to clarify that little bit of news.)

Also (connected to this), I came across the most beautiful pictures I've ever seen in my life. I think that from now on, when I feel down or grumpy or whatever, I'll just go back to that page and take a peek at them - and the world will probably seem like a nicer place, at least for a few moments, like it did the first time I laid eyes on them. Expressive, warm, personal, honest to the point of vulnerability. All in all, enough fluff to choke the average person (or temporarily pacify a hyperactive fangirl, like the one writing the present post. Aaaaaw.)

There - the pics are halfway down the page, in case you also need an overdose of the "ping-pong".

[in retrospect, I can almost hear the cynical!lemming grumbling about how spring is doing all sorts of funky stuff to its brain, and it's turning into a *gasp* romantic. Apocalypse will probably follow shortly. I'll keep you posted when I spy the first of the Riders.]

[I'll write about the past weekend when I get the pictures. *Jumps up and down and yells* TUUUDOOOOOOOR!!!1shiftone! :D Oh, how I need to write about last weekend!]

In which we find out how the lemming almost burned the company down, and how she has become addicted to Ibuprofen

2009-03-26T13:29:00.004+01:00

I'm afraid the title says it all, really.

Yesterday, I almost burned down the company because the ash from my cigarette disloged in one small burning lump and fell on some previously unobtrusive cardboard, whereupon it proceeded to smoke gently. Had I not smelled burning paper (one of my most favourite smells in the world, by the way, after Red Old Spice and the smell the second bout of grass of the year exudes when cut - not the first grass, mind you!), I would have finished my smoke and left it to its own devices. And (before I get into details that won't let me sleep at night because of the could-have-been guilt and fright) it did have what to further ignite, and plenty of it. I work in an industrial company, as I have said many times before. Ehehehe... Myeah.

Luckily, I grabbed the by-now-burning cardboard (which proceeded to flame even more because of the rush of air it received as I was half-jogging with it)and soaked in the nearest water supply - the ladies' toilet. Which I promptly clogged (as in, the thing would not flush, because - and now, kids, pay attention! - even when soggy, /that/ kind of cardboard will not become malleable enough to be flushed away. Instead, it backfires the toilet. Please try this at home.)

I won't go into details of how I managed to /un/-clog the toilet, unless by special request - and I doubt anyone is curious. Although, to spike your curiosity, I did /not/ use my hands - because I am germophobe extraordinaire. Also, I am using way too many dashes (hyphenationwossnames) today O.o

____________________________________________________

Also, I am proud to announce that I am following my role-models up until the (bitter) end.

Well, no, not really, because Hyde is not entirely my role-model (only insofar as he is an immensely talented person who has succeeded in having a beautiful life doing what he likes best and what he's best at, but yeah.), and also, this bit of information only appeared in a fanfic (a /beautiful/ fanfic, one surprisingly well written for a Jrock fanfic, although I am beginning to change my opinion that they are just mindless smut lumps. Not that there's anything wrong with yaoi smut lumps involving bishounen with loads of makeup and a proportional quantity of canon angst - it's what gets me through the day, more often than not. Which means I lead a pretty sad life. But that's not the point /this/ post, haha. ha? Anyway, as I was saying, I'm changing my opinion on that as I'm delving ever deeper into the land of perdition that is Jrock fanfiction. Ooooh, the prettiness that Gazette ff can provoke is beyond imagination ^__^ Anywhooha...) BUUUUUT...

yay, I'm becoming addicted to Ibuprofen. The joy. The happeh. The whoopsie. Although ingesting large amounts of Ibuprofen and washing it down with alcohol really /does/ do what the fanfic said: life seems rosy all of a sudden. No, I'm not going into hard drugs. I have a damn migraine that won't quit. Yes, I am aware that alcohol is probably not the choice treatment for such afflictions. Stfu, conscience, thankyouverymuch. It was a good fanfic, that, but it's kinda hard to separate fact from fiction - especially when it's so well-written. Ummmm...

___________________________________________

In other news still, the coming weekend is, so far, proving to be the most exciting evah. Evah-evah. YAY! I hope that I'll be able to hold my own, and prove to the people who trusted me enough to let me do this that I am worthy of their trust and that they have not been wasting the last two years (in bouts) teaching me stuff and giving me opportunities to grow. But the two trainers' teams both rock ballz off, and I have every confidence that it'll be the best workshop evah. Evah-evah. YAY!

Lupeni, here we come to freeze our asses off! ^__^

Freedom

2009-03-20T14:11:00.002+01:00

I just felt the need to share this - since I newly discovered it and it had an impact on me. A quite unexpected one, provoked by the combo of rhythm and lyrics.

I can't say anything about the lyrics yet, they're just too.... yeah. So I won't.

Whoa...

The reason why I'll be throwing myself out the window - soonish

2009-03-11T10:03:00.002+01:00

"The main oil pump must be operated directly by the turbine, and supplemented by and automatically engageable motor driven auxiliary pump for operation during start and stop of turbine."

That is all.

The 1st of March has been and gone

2009-03-02T10:37:00.003+01:00

I have a backlog of posts in my head (and a list of titles on the A0 paper on which my laptop rests at work, some of which make no sense to me anymore, hah), but I'm starting with what's freshest in my mind's eye.

Which would be last Saturday. That be purdy day right there, and no mistake.

I woke up at an ungodly hour (8.00), and went to the high-school, where I got to take part in a Forum Theatre workshop held by the EVS volunteers. The new kids... are not Impact kids. That much is clear. I have problems adapting to new environments. That is also quite clear, albeit a bit unexpected (for myself). But I did get that little jolt of anticipation for what the future holds, jolt without which my beginning-of-sprin would have been more than a little incomplete.

The weather was bliss - clear skies, sunny, but more than a tad on the coldish side. My iPod newly loaded with purdeh, purdeh V-kei music, I set off to buy Martisoare. Even though my plan was a bit foiled by the lateness of the hour at which I set out (I was also planning to stop by the Palace of Parliament for /another/ Martisoare exhibition), it was glorious to finally have myself to myself for half a day (work days are excluded. I'm too braindead by the time I get home to be able to enjoy doing anything but reading or gaming. On the other hand, I foresee that, as the day will keep growing longer, my joy for haunting the streets will return. I think I've just had enough darkness for the time being. And this, coming from a winter-born. The horror!)

So handsome boys were yelling in my ears, the wind was playing with my flowery skirt, and I was walking along Kiseleff, being a tad put off by the huge queue, reading while waiting in line (and getting into a small fight with the stupid bitch behind me, who, for the entire duration of the queue, kept yelling into her mobile. And I listen to music /loudly/, in general. It's good to be evil sometimes ^_^), then spending an obscene amount of money on the prettiest trinkets you've ever seen! (and I loled when I saw that "Daddy" [my boss, the GM] bought the exact same Martisoare I did. What were the bloody odds?!?!). I bought myself cotton candy on the way out of the fair, and walked along the sunny street at a sedated pace, dragging a huge and decidedly /heavy/ purse and stuffing myself full of pure sugar :D <- *grin with cavities*. Oh, and enjoying myself as I was returning everyone's "um, wtf?!" looks. It's good to be orange and purple and with your mouth full of cotton candy ^__^.

I barely got home and ate when it was time to leave again - back to the EVS-i, this time at their place, this time to play "mafia". Lovely, amazingly fun evening. I love this amazing group of people, they're very very dear to me right now :P. And yay! for the sweet wine and Jantine's mom's jellos! And generally, you know... "Baby shark" :))

It feels good. It also feels quick - I mean, time is passing much too fast, I feel. It's already March. And pretty soon it'll be "already May", then "omfg, it's August!". I can't think past August. But I'm doing my best :).

Foaming at the mouth, take 2

2009-02-28T14:34:00.002+01:00

I'm pondering between going "fucking hell", "oh my god" or variations of "graah yargh gurgle bleah".

I

can't

believe

it.

And yes, I know it's envy, after all is said and done, this humongous humongous bout of "rip-his/her/its-throat-out" envy. Or is it sadness, or is it self-loathing, or is it just "bleah". But what should I care, where she goes and what she does, when I cut that off almost two years ago. But seriously. And no, I mean /seriously/, of all the places, of all the things - why? Why there? Why?

Now I know I'll never forgive myself if my plan fails. And I know it's childish, and lame, and small and petty, and any other way you wish to call it, but that was just low. Only it wasn't, because it theoretically shouldn't have anything to do with me. I'm taking it personally out a form of very twisted and misplaced greed.

I haz a sad nao. Myeah.

Mahadeva

2009-02-23T11:35:00.007+01:00

... or, in other words, post in which the lemming once again fangirls until run dry.

So in (I can't remember, but I think it probably was) October, I discover a new-ish Jrock band called Deluhi. For much too long a time - by the standards of a person who has the attention span of a, well, lemming. I swear I'm probably the most difficult fan out there, ever - I had to make do with a mini-album and a single, which was all I could get my hands on.

But recently, oh, recently... I got their entire discography to date. The effect was disastruous (on my mother's ears. The poor dear still has to share a house with me, and she has yet to forsake her dignity enough to run to the neighbours' whenever my speakers start blaring) and orgasmic (on mine).

Short digression:
I actually recall doing a last.fm meme and being asked what my fondest memory of Deluhi was. I answered "making my mother fall off the couch when I first listened to Yomi no yuzuri ha cranked up to full blast." ^__^

I can't begin to express the shivers that go up and down my ribcage (I don't get the spine variety of shivers, never have.) when I hear the guitar and the drums. When I fail to hear the bass, but feel it holding the song together on a below-sound level (or whatamacallit). Of course, my greatest frustration is that I can't understand what they're saying, but that time will come on day. *Ties "tatakai" sign to forehead*

As for Juri's voice, it's been leaving me speechless from the very beginning. Deep, versatile, engulfing, raking, angry, not angry powerful, more level than any other Jrocker's I've heard so far (I'm refering to the young generation only. Legends are excluded.) So, so goddamn beautiful (and the really lol bit is when you see Juri and Leda from the neck up for the first time and instantly label them as Oshare-kei. And then they start singing *__*)

The most pleassant surprise of all, however, came today, when I saw their first PV (I'm not expressing properly. When I first saw one of their PVs. There.) and, better still, a live. No way, they sound soooo good live! And they seem to be in this dingy club, no bigger than a Suburbia or whatever, with a foot of space between Juri and the fans, with a rather disreputable sound system (though what is disreputable in Japan is probably state-of-the-art for us, but they still sound indie)and their stage movement is, um, static :)), but the energy they impress upon the viewer is so out there, it's amazing!

I'm happy to have gotten a new source of strength and swoon (lol), and I'll be stalking them faithfully from now on, as I am also doing with Matenrou Opera, Versailles, SID and heidi.

Oh, the joys of being a fangirl! I think I've finally found a reason /not/ to wish I were a guy. (although, if I could have taken my pick, I would have been a gay guy, so that's ok ^__^).

Um. Yeah. I proudly give you DELUHI.

Pulled and puller

2009-02-20T09:55:00.003+01:00

(yeah, I'm aware the title makes no sense whatsoever. You may sue.)

To start with a truism: in life, on this planet, there are ambitious people, and then there are complacent people. Fair enough, right?

Sometimes, you hear about a friend, or whatever - someone from your entourage - who hooked up with someone who is rather different from your friend, in terms of life dreams, in terms of drive, of what they want to accomplish - or even what their definition of "accomplishment" is. Or maybe we're talking about a pair of very good friends, but it's still a "relationship" in the end.

(I'm purposely discarding the XX / YY relationships (ambitiousXambitious / complacentXcomplacent). They're another Mary with another hat altogether *hah for Romanian ancestral wisdom*. I firmly believe the latter are not meant to last, or are meant to disintegrate into mediocrity, while the former will produce sparks which are pleasing to the eye, even though they end up burning the performers to a crisp. 'Nuff said.)

So we end up with two people who are in it together for the long haul, with one running slightly ahead of the other. Every time. Overall. Myeah.

I was analyzing myself, and how I'm always, joyfully, preppily [sic?] grasping at the driver's role. I run. I pull. I get worked up and flail around in all directions, like in the "Lost in Space Fungus" Neopets game, where the purpose is to achieve a linear trajectory through a limited number of restrained circular movements (is /that/ why I'm so good at it, I wonder? Haha. ha <- Ed!laugh).

As a consequence of the flailing, more often than not I get where I want to be. Of course, there's stuff to pay for transit, and stuff to be discarded along the way, but I've long ago decided not to regret anything anymore.

I'm fine with it. With being the initiator, as well as the executor, to run around half-mad with worry, as long as I see myself where I had wanted to be. And boy, do I have a long list of places (metaphorical or not) where I want to be. In life. In love. In friendship and family. In entertainment. In social and cultural lifestyle shizz. And I work for it, as if it couldn't come to me by itself. I wonder if it would.

I'm reading "A spot of bother", and wondering at Jaime, who has "built himself his own pretty, safe life", in all respects. But Jaime is now satisfied - I don't think I'd ever be. Does that make me greedy, or is that just Jaime being a static fictional character (who will no doubt wake up to see that he's living a lie by the end of the book. These things are so predictable, so much like life, that I can sometimes sympathise with TP for only reading fantasy and SF. Of course, that would mean I'd be missing out on small masterpeices like "The rain before it falls". But, in the words of Rosamond, I digress.)

The point is that, sometimes, I get tired. I'm tired of me being the one to organize trips, and make up a team to enter contests, and pimp master programmes or internships to my friends, I get bored of /myself/ - of the way I seem to be twice as frantic as everyone else. And those are the times I'm depressed and bitter, those are the times I'm sick of myself. And I crawl to a corner and hug my knees to myself, metaphorically speaking (mostly metaphorically), and wish to be the one being pulled along. I want someone to be taking care of me, thinking of me when they see an e-mail on a discussion group, be the one to receive a phone call asking if I want to go to the movie festival.

Up till this moment, there are only two persons who have done this for me. I've lost touch with one of them through my own volition.

I'm not saying that I'd like to be just as complacent as everyone else, though. Which is strange. The thought never crossed my mind, once. What I guess I'm wishing for is to find other people who like to get involved (in /everything/, really) and who would pimp stuff to me with the same sense of love and caring as I do for them.

How about someone else made the reservation to that restaurant? Or found a hotel, or a movie? I wouldn't last for long, being pulled along like that, but it would feel nice: pampered, and loved, and not in a one-sided relationship (from /that pov/)

Maybe I'm just soially defective and have no other way to express my love for some people. If you don't feel that the words "I love you" mean anything special, why should the receiver of those words feel it?

________________________________________________________

Later edit: this post was in my drafts for a while. I didn't want to post it, because it sounded small and spoiled and whiny. However, like I said (because "redundant" is what we do best):

1. I don't want to regret anything in my life anymore, which includes not saying stuff which eat at me from the inside
2. I'm depressed, therefore I wsant to be spoiled
3. You may sue.

*off to Jrock land. I wonder why almost all DELUHI albums / singles have Buddhist names, while the songs themselves are so powerful (I don't want to say "angry"). Damn, how I wish I could understand what they're saying!*

A question of some philosophical merit

2009-02-20T08:56:00.003+01:00

Stage 1: Dreaming

Lately I've been anticipating going to sleep, because I've been missing my dreams. While at the mountains (and generally every time I travel somehwere, especially with TP) I was so exhausted by the end of the day, that I slept like a log. This might not seem like a big deal to most people, so I'll try to explain why this is a big deal for me.

For years, I was terrified of my own dreams. Not permanently, but right when I thought it safe to go to sleep, this weird fantasy would pop out of nowhere, with no relation whatsoever to the events of the previous day, or whatever, and I'd wake up in the morning sweating, rattled, sometimes crying - the whole shazzam.

Since about the beginning of this year, however, Dreamland and I seem to have found the means for reconcilliation. I'm /having fun/ in my dreams, I remember them fondly in the morning, or joyfully discard them with a "pfft". And since I've... how should I say? "Dilated" (to make a silly but rather appropriate analogy) my mind enough to welcome them instead of shunning them, they've rewarded me with ... fuzzy* experiences.

Why have I gotten into so much detail? Mostly, so that I can make an e-memory of:

- having a deja-vu while sleeping. Which is the other way around from how it usually happens. Normally, I dream something, and later it happens, and there goes my deja-vu. This time, however, I'd seen/done something while awake, and the deja-vu occured while I was asleep, talking to someone (most likely TP), and at some point digressing and announcing that I'm having a deja-vu. It was immense fun, and I woke up with a feeling of satisfaction similar to the one you get when you drink a glass of good wine, or have just finished reading a good book/manga.

- having to prepare a theatre workshop, and /dreaming/ up an exercice for said workshop. The entire night was spent in a sort of cellar (reminiscent to our very first headquarters) with 6 people whose faces I couldn't see, working out the kinks in the exercice. "The idea is good, but you need to systematize the lines"; "the pairs of participants should not be allowed to discuss each intermediate conclusion"; "what are you going to use to mark the line that runs across the floor?", etc. I am now confident that I've come up with a good exercice, though, and I can't wait to run it past the girls (doubtless, it still has some kinks I've overlooked while... whoa, it sounds weird... asleep ^_^). Needless to say, I woke up, sat up straight, and refused to get out of bed until I was sure I'd committed it all to memory. I was sleeping with my head on my desk for the entire remainder of the day. Meh.

(*fuzzy does not mean difuse - rather, in my own special vocabulary, "warm and fluffy and to be fondly remembered, or at least that which makes a funny story to go with a beer ")

Stage 2: Translating with Dad

Work is fun, apart from the bucket-loads of spare time that I have, because sometimes dad calls me in to help himn with an e-mail or offer. The offers are formal affairs, and no fuss is made over them. E-mails, however, are a fun event which could probably be likened to a family outing - we laugh over them, they give us reasons to dive into easy banter, and we part with a smile on our faces (how sad, right? that we're bonding over e-mails? Wartsheep Clan FTW).

For the longest time, I suspected my dad of having pawned off his sense of humour (or something). Last month, however, the more-or-less following exchange took place:

Dad: Cum inchei mailul?
Lemming: Pai, il cunosti pe nenea, deci baga un "Best regards".
D: "Bine. Nu e bine. Mai vreau sa ii mai zic ceva"
L: "Nu-i nimic, ca poti sa mai adaugi. Zi ce vrei sa-i zici"
[insert boring lingo]
L:"Altceva?"
D:"Da: sa ma lase in pizda mamii in pace"
L:"'Lastly, please leave me in peace in my mother's womb'"

We laughed. It was... surprisingly natural.

Stage 3: Dumbledore's love life

A conversation that took place in Laptarie between the world's first two talking lemmings (TP and myself, in other words) was debating the specifics of Dumbledore's sexual orientation: SEME or UKE?

Things got pretty heated. Usually, I take up the flag of the "point of view other than TP's" for the simple reason that I love our debates (yay for having someone intelligent to argue with!), but this time I trully believed what I was claiming: that Dumbledore was the seme.

I realize I'm getting ahead of myself, but I suppose there's no other possibility to entertain to begin with - the relationship discussed was dumbledoreXgrindelwald. TP was claiming that Grindel was the seme, that he was more impetuous, more manipulative, and therefore would have naturally taken control. I claimed - and still do - that just because the Dumbledore we know is wise, soft-mannered and the "behind-the-scenes", "eminence grise" sort of thingie, that doesn't necessarily make him "the pillow-biter" (TP tm). And my strongest argument was that, in this situation, Dumbledore was much more manipulative.

In the end, the conclusion was left hanging in the poplar tree (stupid name for a plop, really) - no matter how valid my arguments, neither of us could envisage a submissive Grindelwald. Damn it, defeated by fiction!

Letter of motivation

2009-01-27T11:07:00.003+01:00

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing regarding the uber-awesome masters programme that your university - located so quaintly in another country altogether - is so nice and cute and fuzzy to be offering.

While reading manga and downloading Jrock off the internet, I stumbled upon your university's supercalifragilistic web-site. It was not by accident, oh no! - it was fate. Fate led me to this curriculum which, for all sakes and purposes, seems to have been hand-tailored for me, me, me and me exclusively. I can't begin to tell you how well these subjects will complement my academic preparation. So I won't.

On to a nicer subject: me. I have graduated with flying colors from, have actively involved myself in, have been faithfully working for 3 years for, and am generally and overall an amazingly multi-talented, polivalent, polyglotic, creative, unique person, a real asset to /any/ postgraduate programme, and you'd better admit me, or else you'll miss out on a super-stupendous student. Hah, and I do alliterations too!

All in all, it would be an honor for me to finally be able to leave my country and live joyfully with my bf in a clean, lovely, civilized town full of opportunity, and this masters is the perfec excuse. Therefore, please please please with chocolate fudge on top admit me, or I'll cry and be emo.

In the hopes that,
Yours furrily,
The Lemming.

[/sarcasm]
*small voice* help meee...

~ soundtrack: /\ucifer - C no binetsu on repeat, repeat, repeat ~

Salad days and freesias that smell like condoms

2009-01-26T10:36:00.003+01:00

Monday, Monday, bloody fucking Monday. All the energy I've gathered this weekend went out the window. Kapoof!

I wonder if I'll always be stuck being this way, happy and preppy only if I have for whom to be so.

This weekend kicked severe ass, and I'm making an e-memory out of it so that I'll remember:
awesome people
silly concert
laughs that were had
gesturing that means nothing to some and something to others
a house that looked surprisingly non-empty
classy burger decorations
pancakes
smoking balcony
bad wine
fun music
people who lift me up when they hug me
embarassment I feel when I realize I like somebody
silly movie we made fun of and ended up watching for real
"acuma o sa iti pui si castraveti pe ochi?"
beautiful earrings and yummy tea
"we tried to split an orange"
Tintin
the yellow lighter that was given away and replaced by another yellow lighter
too much smoke
"Virgin Mary and the pig"
a growing love for Heidi. and SID
the freesias in our living-room, that have this unmistakeable Durex Extra-safe smell

And now I have to write my motivation letters, and I feel oddly un-motivated. *runs away wailing* Ttttt-Pppppp! :'( Help!

*tries to be calm and collected* Heh.

Musical candy of the day
SID - AIKAGI

...ummm... the unplugged prods decidedly more buttock, but I love how good they are live ^__^

Asian Studies isn't really Asian at all

2009-01-21T10:18:00.011+01:00

I'm as disappointed as fuck right now, and I wish I could get over it, but for some reason it's failing to go away, and I need it to go away in order to focus, but it won't. Fuck.

*breathe* *rewind*

For the past couple of days, I've been reading all the necessary in-depth info for the masters I'm applying to. Everything from requirements to accomodation, residence permits, work permits (for TP) and the whole shazam. Yesterday was spent entirely on Holland, today was designated for Denmark and Hungary. Enter denmark masters platform. Enter the Asian Studies MSc. Exit Asian Studies MSc. Wait, what?!

Even though I have almost 10 masters lined up (since it's truth time, after all, I might as well be truthful to myself, ne? *rolls eyes*), my secret desire, my dream, so secret, in fact, that I barely dared say it to myself, was that all these silly programmes were a back-up for this one, glorious, unexpected opportunity that kinda (not to put too fine a point on it), was perfect: it collected everything I've ever prepared for academically; it was in a great country; I'd even assuaged my mom's fears that it wouldn't have a career future; I even managed to /find reasons/ to assuage her (and my) fears (yay, Japan! Japan!); I was making plans, getting excited. Bleah.

What actually happened was that I was searching for info on the masters programme on the university's web-site, instead of on the portal. And I couldn't find it anywhere. What the hell, I thought, hitting the search bar. And lo and behold... it's a damn Bachelor's degreee programme. And it lasts 3 fucking years (yeah, ok, big diff considering the master takes 2 years, but still, it's an immensely long time. Even 2 years is a bit long...) There's an MSc to complement it, but it's more international than Asian in focus. *headdesk*

==Later Edit==

Ok, shopping therapy kicks ass. One silver brooch and some cosmetics later, I am once again in a (relatively) good mood and ready to search. Bring on the adventure!

*aaaaaaand.... grins inanely* 4 and a half years! 4 and a half years! OMFG, teh happiness! WOOOOOVE!!!

Rebound reback

2009-01-15T09:22:00.004+01:00

I left this blog on its own for much too long a time. I was planning to come back after 6 months and draw a line, paint a picture, look back and see what's new. What changed? My writing feels rusty.

- I went to China (to pick up from where I left off). I have yet to upload all the pictures on Flickr, but when I do I'll post the link. That trip was sooooo... It scratched at my stomach. I don't think I've ever felt more jittery, more ready to leave, to up and go, than I did while waiting in the Beijing airport for the plane to take us home. I'll write about China, I promised myself. I just don't know how to put into words the feeling that I got when I first stepped into the hotel in Chengdu, the feeling I had when I entered the Forbidden City, the feeling I had when a guy stopped me on the Great Wall and asked me to have my picture taken with him - picture taken by his girlfriend. Those emotions, and those thoughts, and the images I still have burned across my retina, the tastes and smells and the joy that made me want to kyaa, cry and punch something at the same time. And the map in the Chinese Embassy in Bucharest, which showed China and, just across a smallish water-puddle (it seemed), the place where I have set my goal. More and more, I feel like that is where I'll die. Which would be quite a way to go.

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- Next, two days after landing back home, there I was at the airport again, this time on my way to London. This turned out to be the saddest sight-seeing session I've ever gone through, sadder even than Prague. After the glorious 6 days which had barely passed, and which I hadn't gotten a chance to properly digest, London left me unimpressed. Every time I think of China, I feel that the air I'm breathing in has a certain, different scent. It's hard to explain. And I strain my lungs trying to figure out what it is.

Good bits about London: the shops, ohmygod the shops. People who spoke English (finally! This was the first time I visit a native English-speaking country). All the chicks in mini-skirts who, at least for a bit, changed my mentality about that aspect (I am currently successfully employing the woolen dress I bought from there as a sweater. No /way/ am I going out dressed like that here!)

Bad bits: the food! The people are grumpy, and I'd like to know where all the /English/ are, because I doubt I saw more than a dozen blonde people at a time. I won't complain about the weather, though, it was decent.

Fun bits: the fun I had tracking down all the Neverwhere references - though I didn't get to Blackfriars, unfort. And and and... SEEING STONEHENGE. My heart stopped, and my ears were buzzing, and it was so beautiful that I wanted to cry, and so small that I wanted to cry, and people were so uninterested, and there were sheep grazing nearby, and the grass was wet and cold as I sat on it and listened to the rather lame audioguide, and there were crows. There were crows on the stones. Oh, and one of the ravens at the Tower of London is called Thor. Un-fitting conflict with Odin's image, I thought, but still a bit cute.

______________________________________________________________

- then I came home and settled down for a bit. Before going to London I had applied to a couple of jobs, got called in for interviews and had to choose one of them, since I'd gotten accepted to both. Bank or recruitment company? I chose the latter, thinking that the recession won't touch me there. I lasted two weeks (and one project, which was successful, because I'm /that/ kind of lucky-awesome). I liked the chicks working there, and the conditions were nice, but the job was already having trouble stuffing all that cock into its mouth by day two, that I thought I'd do it a favor and liberate its respiratory paths. So I quit before they had a chance to register me (or so I'd thought. Oh wellz.) and decided to freeload for a while.

I was planning on massively involving myself in voluntary projects with the "frumoasa asociatie", but they disappointed me big-time. Granted, an organization's goals, just like a person's, can change over time. But they changed drastically, and at the wrong moment. I wanted to act, not do what they were being so passionate about at the time. Now, a few months later, things are different from one pov only: their interest changed yet again. They are just as one-track-minded. *sigh*

______________________________________________________________

- in December, I was called in for work. I agreed. What else could I do? It turned out to be enjoyable, though overly dull, because I'm almost never given anything to do. Still, I have time to learn Japanese and read shit on the internet, and the pay kicks ass extremely severely. My colleagues are nice, the gossip is exciting, the food is bad, the hours are killing me (because I have to get up at variations-of-6-in-the-morning. However, I do get off at somehwere-between-3-and-4-in-the-afternoon, and you so can't beat that!). I wonder how that'll continue from now on.

______________________________________________________________

- for my birthday, TP and I took the now-mandatory trip to Budapest. It was gloriously fun, because we ate our asses off, met up with my old friend Milos, took a tour of a very intriguing potential-masters-university, discovered the coolest bar I've ever seen, and got to shop almost not at all (to TP's great joy and my huge dismay). More on that in a later post, because I feel the need to order those thoughts as well.

______________________________________________________________

- by a twist of very unexpected fate, one week later, I had the house all to myself for the weekend, so I had teh peoplez0r over - which turned out to be fun. We cooked - together, like I'd kept on saying I wanted to, and it came out gross-looking and vaguely-edible (pictures and some details later). We got a bit plastered (well, TP and I did - the others are too much of a prudish group to perform such lowly activities. Hah, I had a hangover. So what. Having sex when you're that tipsy is soooo bloody amazing.) and generally had fun (I think. Ok, /I/ had fun. Th others can do as they please, I had long ago given up the thought that, since I'm the host, I have to be the local impromptu entertainment, so that everyone /else/ has a good time.) Yay for selfishness!

______________________________________________________________

- I have fallen inexorably in love with the band heidi., whom I adore for the beautiful voice full of inflexions and the kick-ass way they use their instruments. Alas, if only I could understand their lyrics... Still, YAY for Angura-kei! (and it rhymes. And I'm a dweeb. And... yeah.)

Also, I have taken to reading all the /completed/ shoujo manga on onemanga, because I need an afflux on nigh-diabetes-inducing sweetness in my life, so as not to constantly leech on TP. Who must be at wits' end with me as it is. Meh. I'll be good, I promise *does the puss-in-boots-from-shrek face*

______________________________________________________________

- I'm not going to go into detail about how I went to the mountains for a weekend in December, got wasted every day, and got food poisoning (my first ever externally-caused-stomach-problem ever. It was... entertaining. Also, my puke reflex isn't what it used to be... if it ever was.) Suffice to say it was fun. And I want Andrei! (as long as someone trims his claws first. I'll show you Andrei if I ever figure out how to use my cell-phone transfer cable. No, I don't want any wise-ass comments about how you plug one end into the cell, one end into the computer, and are ready to go. What I want, if you're that willing to help, is someone to come to my house, look through all my stuff and /find/ my transfer cable, then transfer the pictures, because I can't be buggered. Still, better to blame it on idiocy than on laziness - at least the former is curable. No? SI!)

______________________________________________________________

And now here we are, in the present. With a waning winter, a hard-disk full of Jrock, and a head full of plans. Or plants.

I'm mostly writing this to show how I'm steeling myself for the tedious process of applying to all them masters. The Netherlands, Denmark and, as a back-up plan, Hungary. Then - Tokyo, Osaka, Hong-Kong, Shanghai, Beijing, Denmark-continued, Seoul or Taiwan (in that order of preferences). For at least a year. For at most a lifetime. It's so strange to think that, if all goes according to plan, this time next year I'll be in another country - this time in three years I'll be at the other end of the planet. I feel like the time has come. This is the crossroad, and I've managed to steer my ambitions so that none of the choices I now have is a wrong one.

I'm going to write some (more) cliches here, so if you're bothered, just skip. For the first time in my life, I feel alive. I feel like I'm the one who's living my life. My choice, my decisions, my future with my amazing boyfriend in the country of our choice. And for the first time, it doesn't feel too good to be true. It just feels good. And now I know, I finally know it in my bones, that I'm doing things the best I can - and that means there's nothing to regret, nothing to reproach.

*hums* Welcome to my life.

Itteh Bitteh Panda-Viewing Committeh

2008-08-30T07:52:00.004+02:00

My plane leaves in a few hours. 22 hours' flight, and then we're there.

Oh gods, I'm going to China! *hyperventilates off several walls* I'm going to Asia! I'm going to see a bit of my dream come true. Waaaaaargh wurble groagh meh ^__^ (<-lemming being eloquent)

I still have half my bags to pack, Santa is here early and thus the lemming has been run over by a steamroller.... and I shall /not smoke/ for - at least 4 days at most a week - *dies*

WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! CHINAAAAAAA!!!

Guess you can tell - I'm happy.

Photo-reminiscing

2008-08-25T15:05:00.018+02:00

I finally managed to persuade myself today to move my furry lemming ass off the internet and /walk/. I took my camera with me and took a 2-hour stroll around the neighbourhood where I grew up.

Things have changed - of course. It was to be expected. Things look smaller. Some stuff is being built now, some stuff has disappeared. Whole streets have been reconfigured, to the point of lemming confusion.

But ye gods, things look /smaller/. And dusty. And very sunny.

And nothing could have matched the feeling in my stomach, because this will always be the place where I go to find my peace, to find my energy. Where every corner is filled with memories. This is where my uncle, my cousin, my grandpa and I were walking one day, and my cousin kept mistaking blue for green and the other way round. This is where I broke my stockings playing football with the boys. This is where I scratched my leg and nearly gotten tetanos. This is where a tyre swing used to be. And among these spaces are pockets of space that I have no memory of at all - which is refreshing.

I have written about this before, about how much and how inexplicably I love the appartment buildings of Bucharest, but these are dearer to me by far, because around them I built this world of stories and exploring, back in the day when I was young enough to believe that two streets from me there lived a dragon, and that Heaven was concealed between two trees on the little island in the middle of the park.

The curse of Naruto is upon me! [also, having fun in Jrock land is good for one's health]

2008-08-23T19:53:00.003+02:00

I am at wits' end! Which, as anyone who knows me will tell you, is just a brief 5-minute stroll, but that's so beside the point it's actually... meh T__T"

I'm in a state of limbo where I've joyfully finished reading Gakuen Alice some days ago, but am unable to let go of the fandom just yet. Normally, this would translate into a bunch of other days' worth of watching AMVs and reading fanfics but... I /swear/, there aren't more than 10 good fanfics out there! As for AMVs... not even Gin would have the guts to go there. Not even on a dare from Aizen.

I looked through ff.net. I raked lj upside-down and crossways, and except for a rather /bald/ NatsuRuka community, I came across /nothing/! Not even decent MikanNatsume fics (which I would have normally abhorred, since they are the canon pairing. Bohohoring!)

I did have fun one morning with a fic written by a very funny author, "How to write a bad Natsume x Mikan fanfic." Seriously, look it up, it's a doll! And sadly, since it was among the first ones I read, it totally fucked up my perception of all the other ones. Because, by Jove, they /all/ fit the bill. Indiscriminately! Self-insert, next to no characterization, oodles of bad description, "paragraphs? what paragraphs?!", Mary-Sue OCs, et cetera up the whazoo. *mumbles something about there being this one fic where Mikan gets abused by her boyfriend, but then Natsume has to up and save the damsel. Puke*

Oh, and everywhere I looked, there was *growl* Naruto! Communities like "11 reasons" or "30 kisses"? One in two fics was bloody Naruto! Fanart? Naruto. Icons? Naruto. Blooming Naruto and his moronic whiskers everywhere! ARGH!

Then I tried looking for sites that stream /subbed/ xxxHolic or Kyou Kara Maou, and guess what I bloody found: NARUTO!

I swear it's after me. I am being haunted by Naruto. Fuck, of all the lame ways to go...

In other news, I also took an afternoon off to indulge in some Jrock fanfiction, since my apetite was sparked by some Diru fics (like, when in doubt or at a loss, choose yaoi! =))...help me?) That at least assuaged my fears and proved that Gakuen Alice wasn't the only fandom shipped by authors that were 14 years old maximum... or at least people who write as such. From this particular experience, kids, we can thus learn that:

- Gackt can, sometimes, be filled with quilt, so much quilt that it's eating him up inside (see?! I /told/ you that lint is evil!)

- Mana is a historical man (on several occasions). Hwell, now!

I also learned some new and enlightening aspects regarding head-shaving as lice prevention, spirit summoning on Christmas eve and random gay sex. Shall I expand? /:)

Even further removed from any particular subject... I'm beginning to like Yoshiki (X Japan) more and more. His MySpace blog was such a warm and endearing read. And I felt the need to hug him on several occasions. It's sad but heart-warming to read about his feelings concerning Hide's untimely disappearance. Also, can I please move into his pool? ^__^ (yes, I'm aware that makes no sense. Also, I can't believe he took coffee and hot chocolate to people camping outside the venue waiting for his concert. Stuff like that is from another world altogether.)

Ummm... not making much sense. Wasn't really planning on it, but it would have been a nice added bonus.

I cried watching the "Tears" PV again. If I keep this up, people will start calling me emo =))

May the 9 tails of Naruto be with you!

Life in color

2008-08-21T09:36:00.004+02:00

I came across a very nice meme while surfing the web looking for /good/ GA fanfics (oh ye gads, I'll come back to this topic.)

You have to use Flickr for it, but it's ok even if you don't have an account (I don't, o I left the last question blank).
* Type your answer to the questions into a flickr search
* Using only the first page, pick an image
* Copy and paste each of the urls in the Mosaic Maker

The questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to do when you grow up?
10. Who/ what do you love most in life?
11. Choose one word that describes you?
12. What is your Flickr name?

__________________________________________________________

Thank you and congratulations to the people who took these pictures. They are simply amazing. (except for the Gackt one, which is also smexy, and would be even more so, if only you could see the man's face. But alas, I'm too lazy to fix that ^_^)

Lemming cleaning up her room

2008-08-18T11:46:00.002+02:00

Yep, that wonderful once-every-four-years time when the lemming grabs all her school books and notes and shit and makes a bonfire out of them in her front yard! With pole-dancing and cookies and pumpkin juice! (um... not really, not in the least because I don't /have/ a yard. What I actually do is grab armfulls of the foul stuff and throw them in teh dumpsteh. ^__^ )

So going through the papers carefully, since I have this bad tendency of writing /important/ things on scraps of paper/book pages/etc, I came across a piece of paper that made my day. I actually do vaguely remember reading one of the Harry Potter books (translated in Romanian by that wonderful woman Iepureanu, whose butchering/assassination skills of the English language are as of yet unparalelled, at least in my small limited world) with a sheet of paper next to me, in order to jot down what I found particularly amazing, funneh or plain awe-inspiring in the way of translating epic fail.

I'd like to apologize to non-Romanian-speaking people, because you'll just have to miss out on this joke of near-cosmic proportions. Just take my word for it - it's bad. It's also really really /sad/. Of course, I may have just missed out on some rather /expansive/ chunks of my own mother tongue. That can happen, right? >.>

I don't remember much about the context these phrases were taken from (heck, I don't even remember the book. It must have been the sixth, though, because of the whole "scales=solzi" debacle. So I'll just transcribe directly what was on the sheet, lemming notes and all.) Some are "false friends", some are plain non-existent in the Romanian language, some are just poorly worded for a (primarily) kids' book. And don't argue with me on that last one. Anything licensed to Edmond (or Egmond or whatever the name of the publishing house is) /is/ primarily a kids' book.

Without further ado...

______________________________________________________________

- fara a lasa sa transpara nici un semn de neliniste

- se intreba cand avea sa sune nenorocitul ala

- prin crapatura usii vazura o fasie dintr-un barbat, cu chipul incadrat de doua perdele de par negru, era palid si cu ochii negri (frazeologie FTW!)

- vrajitor-sef al Vrajustitiei (the Vajthatz lady strikes again! Woot!)

- chip calos (I can only assume this came from "callous". KEK!)

- cemaifacimaibaiete (WTS arm and leg to see what generated /this/ masterpiece)

- o frumusete rapitoare, care iti taia respiratia

- macar Tonks are simtul umorului si este amuzanta (redundant beta-ing much?)

- trialul de Quidditch (ce s-a gasit fata noastra sa romanizeze...)

- scales = solzi. This will never ever /ever/ cease making me laugh

- Ron reusise niste parade cu adevarat spectaculoase. (prob. de la "a para", although... KEK MAMU!)

- McLadden "s-a dus dupa tigari" - when Hermione threw the Confundus curse (L/N 2008: what, that seriously was in the book?! Even I can't believe it =))....)

- macheta stranie si penata (adica cu pene, conform d-soarei Iepureanu) a sistemului solar

- pentru ca fata (din context, era vorba de Ron =))))))))) lolz0r) nu patise nimic grav, fiindu-i administrat antidotul imediat (well, I /know/ he's a pussy, but come /on/, woman!)

- durere leshinatoare. No words, no comment.

- cand spui ca aveti o multime de lucruri in comun, vrei sa spui ca si el traieste in curbura in forma de U? (what. the. fuckz0r.)

- Dumbledore gemu si incepu sa geama (no, you don't say... Liek srsly now, ever heard of a Beta?!)

_______________________________________________________________

So yeah. I'm still laughing. You should, too, unless you fail to see this funny and perceive it as bloody sad instead. In that case: 1. you are emo or 2. you're too busy packing your bags and running away from this "picior de plai, gura de rai" land of all grammar&vocabulary possibilities. In that case, see you on the other side.

Ummm.. didn't see this one coming >.>

2008-08-16T12:48:00.001+02:00

Discover if You are Seme or Uke!
Created by ChiisaiYume on Memegen.net

This is the result if Seme! has the highest score.

Take this quiz now - it's easy!

Control freak with a tomboy attitude. *sag* I swear, these people have probably met me IRL or something...

Gakuen Alice follow-up

2008-08-15T20:18:00.005+02:00

Oh noes! I'm almost up to date with the manga. Damn! From now on I'll have to wait a whole two weeks for it to update. "Gakuen Alice", meet the fellow titles in the waiting room - Bleach, Ouran and Loveless. *rips hair out of head. Because she can. Also, because she's tired of having near-heart-attacks from all the tension*

Mmmm, the delicious tension... and Natsume is almost getting boring, professing his love for Mikan all over the place. 'Slike, the only thing he has left to do now is to ask for Mikan's hand in marriage from Yuka. WTF, it's not like he's not in the same room with her as we speak =))

Anyway, follow-up from this post (questions, suppositions and suppositors - as in the stuff you put up your butt, of course):

- does Mikan have a third Alice or something? I know, it would seem like too much to give the biggest moron in manga history THREE Alices - as many as Sakurano (whom I love immensely right now), but I haven't gotten the feel of the mangaka well enough to know whether or not she would "stoop so low" (plotwise). Also speaking about the mangaka and how low she's willing to stoop (which is not very, as far as I would like to believe), it would be too much to believe that the cassandraic dreams are /not/ becacuse of an Alice, but just because Mikan is so smart and pretty and intelligent and BLAH. I mean, that just doesn't happen :))

Soooo... explanation! I wants! Gimme! *remembers Tono accusing Tsubasa of sexually harassing Mikan, then saying "Gimme!" It was so wrong, and so beautiful!*

- what is the deal about Hii-sama's words, that "there should not be a problem about Mikan resonating with Sakurano"? I always got this feeling that they are somehow connected - more than simply through Sakurano's love and respect for Yuka. Could it mean that...

(and yes, I /am/ going to leave that phrase unfinished because

a) I don't really know how to finish it yet =)) and I don't want to dumbly start assuming that he's her relative of some sort - although the difference in years between him and Yuka is kinda the same as that between Subaru and Hotaru, and come on, Yuka played a tad too lovingly with those two

and b) because the manga does this sentence-leaving-in-mid-air so much that I've grown white hairs because of it. I swearz! Ask my hair-stylist :))...)

- Ooooh, Tsubasa! I wants you alive and well and goofing around! Please! I am starting the "Tsubasa cannot possibly ever ever die ever" League tomorrow. Who wants to join?

- I also wants more Youichi! (because he is a lot of sex too, in his 13-year-old-form. I am a loli-shouta *hangs head in shame. Also, since head is pointing down, it's easier to see all the lovely "lollies" =)))))*)

- I wonder if Yuka was a Hanahime when she was in school. That would explain Hii-sama's interest and knowledge in that domain, but wouldn't it be a let-down if that was all there was to it? ^____^

- Is Mikan really going to leave with Narumi? Or with Yuka? Guess not, since that would end the entire manga pretty quick =)) And we'd never get to know what the Elementary School Principal's plans are, and I /want/ to know about them. Sadly enough, the manga wouldn't end if /Hotaru/ was leaving - and that sucks cock so profusely I can't even express it in its entirety.

That was that was that... prolly. Though I still have a chapter and a half to go, and as was the case with the Bartimaeus books, I'm trying to make it last. Fuck it, I'm so worked up that it'll take me some time and a couple of cigarettes to go to bed. Can't believe this is over a silly manga. Oh, how the cookie crumbles! Senpai, what have you done to me?!!!!! *hyperventillates all around senpai. Finally succumbs to fatigue and drops with her head in senpai's lap. And starts drooling.*

Musical love and joy (currently making me feel slightly sexeh, because, as all my acquaintances have had the joy/pleasure/sickening experience to hear over these past weeks, "Natsume is so much sex, KYAAA!!!" *cue lemming going slightly berserk*. Also because the way those boys go "La la la" in the chorus makes me giddy)

DespairsRay - HOLLOW

Itteh bitteh suicide committeh

2008-08-07T12:49:00.004+02:00

Argh graaaah gurgle bleah.

(that was me after 2 days under my dear mother's acute surveillance, having me apply to moronic positions all over the bloody world, positions which, I would dearly like to mention, I am in no fucking way qualified to obtain.)

I am bloody drained. And I so wanted to have fun with the Drabble meme from Senpai. *moans and bitches like there's no tomorrow*

Thank god all the options have apparently been exhausted (kinda like how I've been exhausted myself) and I can now get some peace and quiet. I still don't have the energy, though, to either do the Drabble meme or read Senpai's one, because I /know/ it won't manage to get at my wittle heart like it could if I were... more rested? Less frustrated? Less scared of the future? Pffft.

But... hell... Versailles is a panaceum right now, so I'll just go listen to "Shouts & Bites" really loudly, then get my creative juices juicing. royXed, here I come.

_________________________________________________

Later edit: I have bloody done it! (there seems to be a lot of "bloody" in this post, apparently =))...hah...ha?)

The drabble meme, featuring the beautiful Roy - Ed pair.

And so my crazy dream continues

2008-07-26T11:39:00.002+02:00

*I dare you to guess where that line comes from. The hint is in the continuation of the phrase, and in the fact that, basically, only Senpai can guess this one :))*

Rules:
Put your music player on shuffle and put whatever plays as the answer no matter how stupid it sounds like.

My name is...: Forsaken [Within Temptation]

I am...: The Silver Circle [Faith and the Muse]

I feel like...: Words of love [Hyde]

I want to be...: Light my way [Audioslave]

I wish...: Soul Back [Butterfly Boucher]

Your Life
When I was born...: Forbidden Gate [Versailles]

My parents made me while...: Lost Scene [D'espairsRay]

My first words were...: Shine your Cadillac [Evans Blue] (um... kek?)

When I met my best friend I thought...: Aristocrat's Symphony [Versailles]

My first crush was...: Beast of Desire [Versailles] (=)) oh good grief!)

My first date...: The love from a dead orchestra [Versailles]

My first kiss...: Closer to ideal [D'espairsRay] (oh honey!)

Me and my best friends discuss about...: Another white dash [Butterfly Boucher] (for the record, I don't do drugs ^__^)

My school is like...: My damsel: A confession to an adversary [Evans Blue]

My first job was...: Eden [Angelo] =))

My first concert was...: Your guardian angel [The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus] - oddly correct, this one

My wedding-song will be...: Out of Exile [Audioslave] (Mozaic Kek?!)

When I lose my job I think...: Pins and Needles [Billy Talent]

This will people say about me at my funeral...: Doesn't Remind me [Audioslave] (good song for a funeral, this one.. )

My funeral song will be...: Suzerain [Versailles]

In heaven I sing this to God...: Catch my disease [Ben Lee] (provided I'll die from some incurable disease, this'll be piss funny)

God kicks me out of heaven, that's what I'll tell him...: Work [Jimmy Eat World]

With the devil I talk about...: Anarchy in Tokyo + The Struggle [30 secs to Mars]

Thoughts
My parents think about me...: La dix croix [Moi dix mois]

My grandparents think about me...: Sweet ones [no idea who sings this]

My teachers/boss think about me...: Fata morgana android [Gothika]

My best friends think about me...: What have you done [Within Temptation]

I think about my parents...: Show me how to live [Audionslave] (um... show me how to NOT live?)

I think about my grandparents...: A cross and a girl named blessed [Evans Blue]

I think about my teachers/boss: Psychopomp [The Tea Party]

I think about my best friends...: Sympathia [Versailles]

Foreign people might think about me...: Kaleidoscope [D'espairsRay]

And last but not least...
This night I'll dream of...: Michiyuki [Hikida Kaori] (Loveless FTW!)

Last night I dreamt of...: Hideaway [Hyde] (Actually, I dreamt of Kazoku - Ukigumo)

I never want to dream of...: A walk outside [Butterfly Boucher]

I need...: Shattered [Trading years] (So... I need to be emo?)

I don't need...: Immediate Music [Mercutio] (au contraire, I need music /immediately/!)

This survey was...: Rusted Wheel [Sliversun Pickups]

Actually, what this survey was, was fun! Have a go at it, my dears! And at the one below as well! *rubs hands expectantly* I can't wait! :P

Memes liek whoa!

2008-07-26T10:51:00.003+02:00

*for I'm procrastinating off my bag-packing. Teh joyzes!*

LastFM Meme

1. What are you listening to right now?
A perfect circle - Blue

2. What song makes you sad?
X-Japan - Tears

3. What is the most annoying song in the world?
Sadly, anything by Miyavi. Also, ABBA ftk (for the kill. as in, for me killing their songs dead)

4. Your all time favorite band?
No such thing. I periodically get obscenely excited about various bands. In chronological order dating several months back: 30 seconds to mars - evans blue - D'espairsRay - Versailles

5. Your newly discovered band is?
Versailles!

6. Best female voice?
Ugh... hard one. I was going to say Within Temptation, but I heard some of their lives a while ago and I was like "someone please stop skinning the cat on stage"

7. Best male voice?
Versailles. Matt Belamy. 30 secs to mars. Marco-sama (Nightwish)

8. Music type you find yourself listening to most?
Jrock, alternative someting-or-other... I don't listen to genres, I listen to teh band.

9. What do you listen to, to hype you up?
Starsailor - Faith Hope Love / Hyde - Midnight Celebration (oh... it said "hype you up", not "sex you up". My bad. That song is so much sex, though...)

10. What do you listen to, to calm down?
Butterfly Boucher - Don't point don't scare it.

11. Last gig/concert you went to?
Metallica - on Wednesday. *drools until dry*

12. Band you find yourself listening to the most right now?
Versailles and D'espairsRay

13. Most hated band?
Hard to say. I don't /hate/ a band. Well, I have a couple of local acts on my hitlist for butchering music, but that's irrelevant, since no-one much ever heard of them anyway ^__^

14. Song that makes you think?
Butterfly Boucher - Bitter song / Yoriko - Daya no hana

15. Band that you think the world should love as much as you do?
Versailles!

16. Coolest music video?
Nightwish - The Islander

17. Music video with the most babe watch?
Whoosa?

18. What do you play/would you play in the bedroom to spice things up?
I don't believe in that kind of thing. What sexes me up can make my partner cry with boredom, so why bother?

19. Can you play a musical instrument?
*is emo* i are anti-talent. So no.

20. Ever been in a mosh pit?
Unwillingly :)) Very unwillingly. "Small furry mammal coming through, please not to has squash, kthxbye". I am a delicate flower, and do /not/ indulge in such behaviour ;<.<

21. Are you in a band?
Nope

22. If yes, what kind of music does your band play and what is your role in it?
still nope.

23. Ever dated a musician?
*Snigger* Looking back, it seems I've been doing little else :))

24. If yes, what kind of music did he/she/they play/instrument/band?
Musician nr. 1: guitar + voice - alternative / post-punk. TP: guitar + keyboard - screamo =))) I'm just kidding. I think it's called melodic symphonic metal. With pickles.

27. If no, would you consider?
I'm already stuck with my favourite musician in the world ^__^

28. Do you wish yourself that you were a musician?
yes. But that's like wishing I could scuba-dive into Hugh Heffner's pool and discover the Kraken. You get the picture.

29. Best chick band you know of?
No such thing. I'm oddly attracted to guy bands / bands with female vocalist and male instrumentalists.

30. Best guy band you know of?
All of them :)) If I started to list them, we'll still be here on Sunday, and I have to be in Bulgaria by then.

31. Last song that you heard on the radio/...etc...?
I don't do radio.

32. What do you think of Classical music?
Secret cult planning annihilation of humanity.

33. What do you think of Country music?
The sidekicks of the guys above. With a vengeance

34. What do you think of Death metal?
Growl growl snarl hork graaaaaahhhhh. With pink backgrounds.

35. Last BIG band that you saw live?
Metallica. Yyeeahh! :))

36. Are you a groupie?
For TP, I could be *does the puss-in-boots*

37. Do you listen to music in foreign languages?
Haaaai!

38. What famous musician would you like to have sex with?
Oh honey, bring them on! But if I could pick one... Wait, I can't. Guitarrist of D'espairsRay, prolly...

39. Worst concert moment?
There was this one time, at band-camp, when we went (read: I was dragged) to a concert in the now-deceased Utopia. Abigail, Fortress of Faith and some other people. Gimme aspirin!

40. Funny Concert moment?
Placebo - "This is a live concert. Things are bound to go wrong. They just did."

41. Sad Concert moment?
Apocalyptica playing Farewell.

42. Best local act you can think of?
Kumm. Go check them out. NOW!

43. If you were a musical instrument what would you be?
Bass

44. Do you listen to the radio?
nope

45. Do you watch music TV?
Hello, hello, hello, hell NO

46. Do you follow the music charts, like the top 40?
Um... neva eva?!

47. Have you met any famous musicians?
Well... nationally famous, anyway. We shared jam (and by that I mean the red, sweet, gooey stuff).

48. Are any of your friends/family etc musicians?
Nope.

49. Song that best describes your feelings right now?
Gothika - Alexa

50. Song that describes your life?
30 seconds to mars - Echelon

51. Do you know the names of all the band members that you listen to?
Yes, Of course. How else could I drool and fangirl properly?

52. Does a musician’s physical attractiveness play a role in the music that you listen to?
No. Though it helps if they look like they tried to /have/ a certain look when I'm first immersing myself in their music. It helps to put a face to the music.

53. What famous musician do you want to marry?
My TP. Who will one day be famous. *nod in the tomodachi-wa-ii fashion*

54. Favourite movie sound track?
Mai HiME. Yes, so it's an anime - sue me :P

55. Any musician pet hates?
Whoosa?

56. What do your parents listen to?
Mom listens to anything those dopes will play on the radio - though she claims to like my music, for some reason. Dad is a old-rock fan (anything they play on a different sort of radio than the one mom listens to :)). City FM slightly FTW)

57. What are you listening to right NOW?
Gothika - Alexa

58. Do you wear band etc T-shirts?
I own /one/ band t-shirt and that's actually a girl-tee. But then, I'm not that kind of person.

59. What do you think of people who do?
I have mixed feelings about them. Some manage to pull it off. Others leave me with the doubt that they ever actually /heard/ of the band whose name they're sporting between their nipples. TP looks hot in them just because.

60. What music sub-culture do you feel like you belong to?
fangirling-over-anything-japanese-and-remotely-rock-sounding-and-if-it's-visual-kei-all-the-better group.

61. What song is stuck in your head right now?
Saliva - Always

62. Do you sing in the shower?
Um... lately, no. I used to, but I have a limited repertoire. 'Slike, once I hear a song I've previously heard for more than 3 times, I can sing along with all the lyrics. But to remember them off the top of my head... no can do.

63. If so, what? If not, why not?
My limited repertoire: Radiohead - Creep; Pink Floyd - Wish you were here; Saliva - Always; Evans Blue - Cold. Owari da... v.v

64. Would you rather marry a musician or be one yourself?
Marry, marry, married fairy princess :))

65. What is in your walkman/discman right now?
I don't do either. I can has iPod, like all the "kewl kids" *is lame*. On my iPod?
- four albums of Jrock, mixed
- one Despa album
- one Hyde album
- two Versailles albums
- a bit of 30 secs to mars
- a bit of evans blue
- a bit of audioslave
- a bit of A perfect circle
- a bit of Butterfly Boucher
- a bit of Sigur Ros
- one Gothika album
- and some random songs that caught my fancy and that I can't be buggered to remember right now

66. How important is your partners taste in music to you?
Sadly, very. Though for the last 4 years, I've gotten used to howling at starlight :)) Seriosuly - I do judge people by the music they listen to, as well as by their power and willingness to try new things. I agree that everyone is entitled to have their own taste in music, as in every other aspect of their lives. This, however, does not mean that I am not wired to turn my nose up at someone who listens to what I designate as "crap".

67. Hanson moves in next door to you, do you go introduce yourself, or do you arrange to beat them up?
Seek and.... SEEK AND DESTROY!

68. Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll, you dig?
Bring me my shovel!

69. Do you cook to music?
I would, if I cooked. I will, one day >.<

70. Do you sing in the toilet?
Um... WTF?! I may be persuaded to hum a bit while doing my make-up. Otherwise... gross!

Comparative analysis of insanity, really

2008-07-22T21:16:00.003+02:00

I have yet to summon enough interest in the subject to write about finishing school, 16 years of my life over with next to nothing to show for it... but I have become me in these years. Yesterday marked 4 years with TP, four years of bliss. Have yet to write about that as well. In fact, I fail to remember how many posts I have started in my head these past days, and have forgotten by the time I get in front of the computer. Oh well.

What I actually wanted to write about is that I have floated from obsession to obsession until I got back to Gakuen Alice. Finished watching the anime in a couple of days, and am now reading the manga. Drat and bebother those 11 chapters for missing. I mean, a whole /volume/ is missing. Thankfully, at least, later volumes are complete. I don't get the whole "there is no volume 5 /anywhere/ on the net" thing though :| This post will be silly, and apparently pointless, because I'm tired and I'm only writing this to remember these things later, really.

So:
- up until the Festival, m!Natsume is a lot colder to Mikan than a!Natsume
- m!Natsume has a more varied range of facial expressions than a!Natsume - managing even to look like a kid at some point in the beginning. Which is profoundly refreshing
- the anime is true to the manga, but kinda botched up the dodgeball episode - the a!version was a lot more loaded with meaning than the m!version - which, for me, is canon
- m!Ruka has become Mikan's friend faster
- m!Ruka has /depth!/ *is surprised but delighted*
- m!Tsubasa is wiser and more helpful, and less of a show-off-dweeb
- there was nothing, and I mean /nothing/ in the anime about Mikan being aware that she was targeted, or that the Academy was targeting her (as opposed to her getting into trouble because of her own loud mouth, and not a conspiracy)
- m!Jinno is hateable
- m!Naru is... different, but I can't put my finger on it
- m!Natsume's speech about "people the Academy targets, like me and you [Mikan]" put hair on my chest... metaphorically. I have yet to find a word for that thing that happens to me physiologically when I get wrapped up in a dream world like this one. *shrug*

Bits that are missing:
- the festival play - I wanted to see m!Natsume's reaction to seeing Mikan almost kiss Ruka. /If/ that ever happened in the manga, of course
- the dance - again, I wanted to see the talk those two have, and the moment when Hotaru chooses Mikan for the last dance
- Bear's maker being out of the hospital - just out of curiosity, to see if anything was different. And maybe gain some insight into Tsubasa's character. And see if m!Mikan makes the parallel between that guy and Natsume. But so far Mikan is the most similar (manga vs. anime), so I should think she does.
- and now Tachibana-sensei is teasing us with 15-year-old versions of the characters. Gaaaaaaah! :))
- completely unrelated: I will forever worship this manga if it manages to tell me more about Mikan's mother (I know that it eventually will, but I'm afraid I'll lose interest before I actually get there. However, Gakuen Alice is on the same obsession par as Gravi, Loveless and Bleach for me, so fat chance there is of /that/ happening. *shudders*)

I'm done. Back to reading, now. I'll update this as I go along. Also, since I snuck a peek at the latest chapter and got to see what I strongly believe is a Middle-School Hotaru, I have to say I have fallen in love with her. She's hot, and I can't wait to actually get to that part. Of course, Middle-School!Natsume is so much smex, I can't comprehend it, but Hotaru's kinda getting to share the spot-light with him on this one.

(reads back that last paragraph. Realizes how very very pathetic she must sound. *shake head*)

Musical presents (thanks go to youtube, of course. Ignore the vids, they're fan-made and... well... yeah.)

Hyde - Prayer (this man's voice will be the death of me. I adore his 666 album so much I can't help myself *idiot grin*)

Hyde - Midnight Celebration (orgasmic. Good Engrish, too *is surprised*)

Versailles - Shouts&Bites

A (extensive) note about Versailles: I got attached to this band after realizing that it was the first (at that time) VK band that hadn't been around since last century, had split up and then reconfigured, and generally followed the truisms about JRock I wrote about in an earlier post.

Then my ears opened up and I actually /heard/ them. The vid I linked to is their PV, but it's oddly made and you won't get to see much of them. Don't bother with the images, though; listen. Listen to the power-metal riffs, so clean and unlike Jrock/pop/VK. Listen to the man's voice. Listen to the lyrics, if you speak Japanese *mumbles incoherently about the "Captain Planet" ending song.* Just give it a chance, and listen. I strongly suggest downloading samples of their work for a teaser/taste - they are my new addiction.

There. Done for the night. Shall be back soon, to review tomorrow's Metallica concert, and to drool some more. And maybe to even bother writing a decent, serious post. *cough*

Meme from Senpai!

2008-07-06T07:46:00.006+02:00

*blushes in anticipation* Yeepeeeeee.... *cough. is dignified* Let us begin. The SEVEN THINGS meme.

SEVEN THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. quiet dogs
2. fire
3. bugs
4. food poisonings (don't ask)
5. someone close to me dying or being sick / sicker than they are now
6. being in a powerless position when it comes to someone close to me
7. being kept in the dark about something serious that has to do with someone close to me (it doesn't make me angry, just scared, because I /know/ I'm being kept in the dark, so my imagination starts filling the gaps)

SEVEN THINGS YOU LIKE THE MOST
1. Oriental (Chinese/Japanese/Thai/etc) food
2. people (from a distance. They're fascinating, and entertaining)
3. Music (couldn't live without my music)
4. Reading / reading manga / watching anime
5. Travelling
6. Drawing
7. Driving
ummm... I can has 8? Pwease? I /like/ stuff that life offers you. Like unexpected opportunities. Like something out-of-the-blue that turns out better than anything you could have ever planned.

Oh, and I like sex, too! (I feel bad for cheating on the number, but 7 just wasn't enough...)

SEVEN IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR ROOM
this is harder than I thought...
1. my iPod, the little dear
2. my Me2You Bear collection from TP
3. the butterfly Senpai gave me for Kid's Day this year. Except for the fact that it reminds me of her, it also has a very good feeling about it, energy-wise.
4. my computer
5. my posters (remind me of certain moments) and paintings (remind me of someone)
6. my BOOKS! *grins inanely*
7. my jewelry (the world is so bleak without a bit of color)

SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOU
1. I love my crooked front tooth
2. I hide under my desk when I have to make life-altering decisions. It's comfy there
3. I love to smoke, and I'm beginning to resent the fact that I have to hide it from my father
4. I often fall asleep at night while concocting elaborate day-dreams involving myself and my current obsession (like, a manga character, or whatever)
5. I believe that the more colorful my clothes and hair are, the better they hide /me/ from the world
6. My earliest memory is of me reaching up to my father's knee in height. I was trying to get my parents to stop fighting.
7. I have a /horrid/ overall memory. I barely remember anything that happened to me 5 or 6 years ago.
7.5. The quirkier my language and exprimation, the more I'm trying to shirk away from talking about that topic.

SEVEN THINGS YOU PLAN TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Go to Japan (*winks at Senpai*)
2. Go backpacking (or driving) through Asia
3. Have as many children as I can bear before my reproductive system packs it in and goes on an extended vacation in the Bahamas
4. Cook a meal with all my friends
5. See the New Year's fireworks in Australia
6. Live in a house with all my friends (even if for only a week)
7. Go to the North Pole

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN DO
1. Whine (also: moan, bitch and complain)
2. Talk my way out of even the crappiest situations
3. Draw, a little
4. Cook, barely - only crazy, semi-dubious combinations
5. Sing - a teeensy-weeeensy, blink-and-you-ll-miss-it bit. At least I can has vaguely musical ear
6. Love
7. Smile (I've gotten to the conclusion that not everyone can do these things *shrug*)

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN'T DO
1. Dance
2. Write fiction (or fanfiction) ^__^
3. Trust
4. Forgive (or at leat very easily)
5. Give up on a situation until I've been forcibly removed from it (with a crowbar)
6. Understand why some people will consciously hurt themselves, and those who love them in the process
7. Ummm... imagine that there's anything I can't learn to do, given enough time and enough will on my part. (yes, that does sound conceited. However, I trully believe it)

SEVEN THINGS ON SOMEONE THAT CATCHES YOUR ATTENTION
1. their smile
2. their voice
3. the way they carry themselves
4. their shoes
5. their hands
6. their eyes
7. their hair

SEVEN THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST
1. Lmg lmg lmg :D
2. deeeee-moooo
3. Eto.... ano...
4. I don't know
5. Yeah, whatever
6. Come (the fuck) on
7. For the life of me

SEVEN CELEBRITY CRUSHES

I could just fill in this section by listing all the Jrock singers with which I've been unreasonably infatuated lately, but that would make it uninteresting. Let's see if I remember from all the way back, in chonological order......

1. Alain Delon (do /not/ ask)
2. One of the dudes in Roswell
3. One of the singers of Luna Amara
4. One of the singers of Implant pentru Refuz
5. ... i can has cheat, like Senpai? Aoyagi Ritsuka
6. Hyuuga Natsume
7. Ed Elric (bet you saw /this/ coming)

SEVEN PEOPLE YOU WANT TO SEE TAKE THE TEST
ugh... 1. TP
2. Elly (she should really get a blog!)
3. Gabi (I know /she/ has a blog, I just can't remember what it was *hangs head in shame and sorrow*)
4. Tudor

.... and that's about it. The extent of my knowledge and love of people with blogs. (or without blogs, but who should definitely get one. Or several :)))

____________________________________________________________

The MONTH meme - in the words of Senpai: "bold /your/ month wile copying the whole text, and cross out what doesn't apply".

I took another approach to it. Mostly because my month (if you bother reading) is a /massive/ contradiction unto itself, as well as, at times, redundant. (Jeez, I feel "special" =))...). So I just listed all the atuff as per instructed, and then commented the shazookas out of them. Well, out of most of them. I do agree with... like... two? Maybe three.

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious (not all that much?).

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. and humble. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive (not much, unless they're other peoples secrets). Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners (I just disproved this one). Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

June:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. - as opposed to /what/ human being?
Difficult to fathom. - maybe...
Thinks forward. - NO. I trip on my own past, and can barely see the future two months from now
Unique and brilliant. - unique - just like everybody else. Brilliant - if you kept me in the sun too long, maybe.
Extraordinary ideas. - the mere fact that there's "a lot" of them (see above) makes them instantly extraordinary, right? /:)
Sharp thinking. - maybe. Sometimes. When it suits me to expend all that energy
Fine and strong clairvoyance. - Oracle of Sparta, from "Meet the Spartans". Hell yeah, that's me all the way!
Can become good doctors. - If I could've mobilized myself enough to study all that Biology, maybe. But it's true, I /did/ want to become a medic at some point in my life.
Dynamic in personality. - yeah, okay. Also known as "emotionally unstable", but that's true.
Secretive. - I could /never/ keep my own secrets, ever ever EVER!
Inquisitive. - yes
Knows how to dig secrets. - are you kidding me? I can be so dense at times that I don't even notice there's anything there to dig for. Besides, am I a mole or something?! *does the Bartimaeus*
Always thinking. - again, as opposed to what human being?
Less talkative but amiable. - oddly enough, I'm beginning to get there. To the "less talkative", at least. Not to the "amiable", because I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve - if I don't like you, you'll get the memo fairly soon.
Brave and generous. - when it suits my mood. Or when I love the person
Patient. - in how many languages can /you/ say "Hell NO!"?
Stubborn and hard-hearted. - tihii, this is just like Senpai's. Stubborn, yes. Beyond belief. I turn it into a full-time occupation. Hard-hearted... what is that, exactly?
If there is a will, there is a way. - Good Gods and travelling cat spirits searching for statues (Inukami reference. You should give it a chance, for the anime equivalent of easy reading), this one is actually right! This is like my life philosophy. And I'm all the more unforgiving of people who act like that is not true, or that can't happen for them, or whatever. You are who you make yourself to be. What the fuck, man, how many chances on this Earth do you think you'll get?!
Determined. - yes. When I get something into my head, nothing, but /nothing/ stands in my way.
Never give up. - "we shall scratch them on teh sofas" =)). But, yeah.
Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. - bloody wrong! Or, ok, maybe right, but who's to say my "provocation" radar isn't as fucked-up as hell?
Loves to be alone. - perhaps the one thing I dread - being alone with myself is a hideous experience, I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
Thinks differently from others. - Thinks differently of what? Differently that what others? In what context?! Does it mean I think with some other organ? Use my haemoglobins instead of neurons? Spew thoughts out of my ears instead of my mouth? *is baffled*
Sharp-minded. - because I'm "Sharp thinking" (see above), right? O.o Redundant much?
Motivates oneself. - redundant with the "will and the way" thingie above. But true
Does not appreciate praises. - oh I /appreciate/ praise as much as the next puppy. BUT: only if I feel I deserve it. Only if it comes from someone I love or from someone that I have deemed objective/qualified to give me the praise. And I'm embarassed by it, because I don't know how to receive praise.
High-spirited. - well, yeah, sure, when I'm not depressed...
Well-built and tough. - :)) have you /seen/ me? Have you counted all the colds and other diseases I caught this year alone?! And well-built is what? 90-60-90? Oh, yeah, I /am/ that... *tries really hard to stifle laughter. Because she is stubborn and determined*
Deep love and emotions. - fuck yeah. Finally, something I can agree with. I don't have many people in my good books, but those I love are fucking sacred to me.
Romantic. - (jab aimed at my loving boyfriend:) daca as avea cu cine, sigur. Dar n-ai cu cine, frate... =)) I love you, tp.
Uncertain in relationships. - oh /yes/. In /any/ kind of relationship - romantic, friendship, even family ties. Because I can never know when you'll find someone better, nicer, sweeter, whatever, than me, and leave me alone. Tell me that doesn't always happen. Come on, I dare you. Tell me. Please?
Homely. - not in my current home. I could be, if I lived with tp... probably. But I get tired of routine relatively soon (comes with the territory, when you have a "dynamic personality" and all that jazz). On the other hand, that will be /our/ house, so I'll be able to regularly change stuff in it, so as not to get bored. Of course, the routine would stay the same. In the end we're all trapped in little cages of our own, and we're fooling ourselves into submission *brings out Anarchy t-shirt*
Hardworking. - sadly, yes.
High abilities. - I think my English is going rusty (talking about abilities, of course), because the only sense I can make of this sentence is synonimous with "Able to reach high places". Well, I am of average height - bordering - on - a millimeter - taller, so even that doesn't apply. But yes, I can use a stepping stool like no other *beams*
Trustworthy. - I suppose. If I want to be. Who am I going to tell, anyway?!
Honest and keeps secrets. - yes, honest up to the point where it hurts me by biting me on the ass. Keeping secrets = massive redundancy. Again.
Not able to control emotions. - Oh freaking hell yes. Simply yes.
Unpredictable. - I doubt it. For those trained or skilled in reading people, I don't see what would be unpredictable about me. And I won't even wake up one day and bring a gun to school to shoot several of my snotty school-mates and a teacher or three, because, I just finished school :))

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

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In the best tradition, that was that was that. Knock yourselves out with these memes. If you take any of them from this blog (including the people I nominated at the end of the first meme), drop me a comment or a redirect, so I can amuse myself reading like you (maybe) just have. Even if I don't know you. I actually consider this a good opportunity to meet some of my 88 regular readers, of which I might be persuaded to admit that I personally know 6 or 7, from my day-to-day life. Come on, my dears, please show yourselves. It'd be fun, and it'd cure a bit of the loneliness...

Ok, off we go before I start being mushy. Teh biusiful songs of the day:

Irodori - Shitsujin
Gothika - Alexa

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Actually, there's one more thing. Reading through it again, it feels like I sis-kebabed that last meme - made fun of it, criticized it, etc up the whazoo. This wasn't the intention. If you read between the lines (or between the smart-aleck-nesses) you'll see that I was indecently open and honest and demonstrative. It's just that it's horrendously hard for me to talk about things like those listed above. Because I can't know me. People who see me from outside my head can know me. But how can I ever detach myself enough? Thank you for your attention.

Poze sepia

2008-07-04T20:19:00.002+02:00

I'm eating an orange. And I'm very hot. And pretty sleepy. Actually, truth be told, from all the inactivity, I can't focus anymore. I can't draw, because my mind is too scattered.

Mom's hair has turned gray in the last week. I almost didn't recognize her hair.

A sepia photograph I found on the net today reminded me of a moment - of a string of moments - from long ago.

My love, beautiful child... I lost 4 years of your life.

And I am so, so sorry. And I know I can fix it with a click, with a phone-call.

But I don't ever want to see you again.

Three sisters with lips that are so alike.

I'd rather just go through it again sometime later, finding sepia photos of you and counting the years of our lives that I let pass me by.

I'll find you online, baby

2008-07-01T18:47:00.003+02:00

Ummmm... want to have a laugh? Here we go: search words by which my blog was found by random people:

(in the order i found them amusing)

1. bouncy titties
(this being the fault of the TP talkshow, no doubt *sigh*)

2. hitsugaya toushirou is half naked in front of momo
(is he, really? Did you jerk off when you saw that? Must have been good, eh, pre-pubescent shinigami /fictional character/.... *hums "The internet is for porn"*)

3. senvici
(this, for all you non-Romanian-speaking folks, being the fucked-up Romanian pronounciation of the word "sandwich")

4. vreau sa fim copii
(from Romanian. Means "I want us to be children". Well, that's nice, dear, but what are you doing on my blog? The sandbox is just down the street)

5. photo pictures body and appearance for lemmings
(=)) man, this person must have gotten a surprise when they got /here/. *laughs just thinking about it*)

6. then there's /10/ variations of "anansi stories" - one, more misspelled than the other. Climaxing with "anansi owns all the stories. he won them from tiger". Well, at least this one spelled "Anansi" right... *mumbles something about humanity IQ dropping severely*

7. since we all know that 7 is a lucky number, here's the most magical one of all: "a pierd in vise, mereu cu tine". (simply untranslatable, a gem worthy to illustrate that, yes, "the average Romanian /has/ been born a poet"). Unless these are the lyrics to some unbelievably crappy song... ummm... what the fuck, man? Is the concept of getting a life even remotely familiar?!

Thank you for your attention. Now go look for "unsraw" on youtube, and enjoy the PVs (promotional videos). While i go draw some more manga pannels.

The truth about Jrock

2008-07-01T18:27:00.002+02:00

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Warning: this is a crack rant. Please do not be offended by the following.

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1. there are 16 musicians in the whole of Japan
2. of these, one is dead (hide)
3. so that leaves a total of 15
4. in the begining, there were only 5, who formed X Japan
5. due to some alien experiments, they divided into already-fully-grown clones
(who, in order to hide this fact, dyed and cut their hair differently)
6. everybody's been in pretty much every band
7. at a certain given point, the lead singer is obliged to leave the band and start a brief solo career during which he sings jpop
8. during a combined concert some time later, the now solo lead singer meets the guitarist of another band, and together they realize that they have "the same vision and ideals" regarding music. So they start a temporary project band.
9. this project band also includes 3 or 4 more support musicians (all being ex-[insert band-name here])
10. repeat process until world end. Or infinity. Whichever comes first.
11. at some point, some new guys appear, calling themselves alice nine. But they're new, so no one pays them any attention
12. qed. jrock evolution. stay tuned

oh yeah, 6 prime. 90% of band-names are in languages that are:
a) European
b) no one in the band speaks
c) the harder to pronounce in Japanese, the better
d) the more non-sensical in that language, the better
e) Should they contain a misspelled word, that's even better, because the fangirls will thusly be kept busy arguing whether it was just a mistake or if it holds some deeper, absconse meaning - see moi dix mois album "tentation". Or, generally "moi dix mois".

Thank you for your attention. I shall now be off to drool some more. ^__^

You know you've been reading too much manga...

2008-06-30T05:14:00.004+02:00

... and have been suffering too much from the heat, and generally have fed your weird imagination too much when...

...you wake up at a quarter to six in the morning after having dreamed that...

... you are working as an intern in a 5-star hotel, a sort of Roman villa, all columns and soothing colors and wide, breathing spaces. You're there with some friends that you've just made, and others that you've been friends with for ages: Winry Rockbell, Al Elric, and the main character from Vinland Saga (who kinda almost in the right light maybe looks like Ed, and therefore, for all purposes, /is/ Ed). Also, for some absconse reason, Reese Witherspoon, who's a nice enough gal, albeit a bit nose-up-in-the-air. (she's pissed at Winry and they generally have had words about who among them is the natural blonde)

You go about your daily business and it's all fun and games until a monstruous rain comes (kinda like how it rained here two nights ago), at which point you have to pack and go home, because since, of course, the hotel is /all/ open spaces, both you and the guests risk getting soaked. You have no idea where the guests will go, but that's none of your business.

While everyone is packing, you realize that you need to go to the toilet, where you learn that not only is it going to rain cats and dogs, but also that the Devil is coming. Hmmm... time to go then! But first... you have to find your damned /cat/, who, as per tradition, is hiding somehwere exactly when you have to pack her up. You chase the cat all around the Roman villa and, when you finally find her, you realize that you don't have the cat carrier bag with you, and you have to put the cat /somewhere/, because you need your hands relatively free, for your other luggage (that, and the cat is kinda on the fattish side). So you put the cat in your pocket calculator (which has a little top that you can snap on and off).

By the time you get to the point where you were supposed to take the bus heading for home, you see that everyone else was there, waiting for you. Everyone's a little worried that they might not have time to leave before the rain and the Devil get there, but no-one chastizes you. Instead, Reese asks you to go with her in her car, that she'll drive you home. By this time, you have put the pocket calculator, with the cat still inside, inside the cat carrier (but in your rush, you have forgotten to actually let the cat out of the calculator, where it's most definitely /not/ comfortable).

The only people who are not in a great hurry to get out of there are Winry and Al, whom you suspect are in love, and only have eyes for each-other (the fact that guy nr 3 is not really Ed makes this easier for your subconscious to stomach), and wannabe-Ed, who's keen to meet the Devil, because he has some questions about Human Transmutation that he'd like to ask him.

You get home, in Reese's car, while having just met /her/ cat (which is kinda like yours, only slimmer) and her bunny (which is a really cute, fluffy think which works part-time as a chef in Anthony Bourdain's restaurant). When you get home, you see that everyone is in front of your appartment buidling (but then, that's /home/ for everybody) along with your supervisor from your hotel, who's asking everyone to make reports. You remember to let your cat out of the carrier and out of the pocket calculator, and she promptly scratches you and complains she was uncomfy. You're glad, because at some point after having met the bunny, you'd begun to worry that your cat was actually dead.

Your supervisor is Italian, so the reports go a bit slowly and painfully. You explain, in very /simple/ English, what had happened. Reese's turn comes after you, and, in fluent Italian, she accuses you of animal cruelty towards your own cat. You understand jut barely enough to get the general idea, and you bust your brains trying to come up with the right vocabulary to explain to the si-senor-English-speaking supervisor what "attenuating circumstances" are.

At this point, wannabe-Ed saves you by suggesting that there /is/ evidence against Reese's claims, and that's reading the manga of all that had happened (which was being written as everything was happening). However, it was all /his/ view of what had happened, and since you had been in the car with Reese, the manga does not shed any light on the matter. However, it does distract the supervisor, who becomes much more interested in what Winry and Al were doing to each-other under their airplane-like seat tables while on the subway heading home.

Reese is a bit pissed, so goes away.

I woke up after this debacle for some reason badly craving this song. However, when I watched its video (for the first time), I started grinning and sniffling like a maniac - because they were so sweet, and because they seemed to have so much /fun/ on stage, live each moment so strongly, feel their own music so beautifully. And because that image, of Yoshiki falling to the ground, the same one started and stopped and picked up again throughout the video, is sooooo painful, until you see him getting up again, walking on.

Music to heal the soul. And RIP hide.

Lemming female in heat

2008-06-27T10:17:00.003+02:00

...that being me, of course, though not in any reproductive heat. Just simply HEAT, bloody 42 degrees Celsius and /no rain/, /no wind/, /no movement of the bloomin atmosphere/.

So what does the lemming do when in heat? She gets a new obsession, of course. I should consider this a present to this blog, since it has just reached its hundredth (-and second, whoopsie :D) post.

Costumes - awesome
Performance - amazing
Video - (a tad strange but definitely) smexy
Engrish - priceless
Sound - twisting my brain into little knots of pleasure.

Blood - I remember you

That is all.

in which we revisit some obsessions, and hear a piece of news that makes the knees weak

2008-06-25T09:49:00.004+02:00

The graduation thesis paper nightmare is looming closer, but as I have received my confirmation that I have performed like expected from the good little girl, it is no longer /such/ a drag.

Summer is killing me as per always, but I am resigned to bearing the heat and the perspiration and the attraction that gravity always multiplies on me when in such conditions.

The summer plans have all been set out, and they contain certain elements which are making me giddy and happeh and expectant. But nothing, nothing could compare to what my dad propositioned yesterday.

We were at our favourite restaurant, pleasantly munching and having our "conversation of the season" (yes, I really /do/ only interact with my father, beyond the "hello/goodbye" only once in several months, as odd as that may seem, even though, yes again, we live in the same bloody house). When he got this brilliant idea (though I can't let him take all the credit for it, and I guess I did steer him a bit in the right direction). Now I can't even dare verbalize it, that delicious prospect which made my knees go weak and wobbly and my head spin gently. The plane ticket will cost a small fortune, of course but... Bloody hell, I might be going to China this summer!

The Great Wall, the Panda Reservation, and, of course, eating till my stomach pops in Beijing. I can't express myself beyond the KYAAAAAAAAAAAA that is bubbling in my chest. I've dreamt about it for so long, not only because of the distance and the glamour of dropping it into a conversation ("What's that? Go to a concert? I'd love to, but I can't. I'll be in China at the time. Raincheck?"). Gah, the loooove, the squeeness, the the the *faint. Not from the heat, mind you*

There's the visa to get, and our gracious host has to accept me coming there. And I'm so so so afraid of landing there, on that airport, after some 15 hours of trembling in my boots for fear of flying (ah, how I will be tested!), and seeing the traces of destruction, still there, still not all solved and packed away, and the wounds, and the pain that will be barely concealed, even in our gracious host's eyes, because their area was among the most affected. Not that I don't believe that this people is so hard-working and dilligent that they will have tidied up after that cataclysmic mess, it's just that these things cannot just go away so fast. After all, it will only have been a few months.

Go on, smile for me. Keep fingers, paws and ears crossed that it may happen, that everything will turn out alright, as it has had a knack of doing these past few months. Be my luckdragon.

In other news, the campaign that Antena 1 set up, to show support for the Romanians working in Italy by sending sms's with messages that will later be presented to the Italian authorities in an open letter, seems like the dumbest thing anyone could have thought about. Let alone that you get to be ashamed of your own nationality when visiting countries where "so many of our fellow countrymen earn a decent and, above all, honest living", because these fellow countrymen have managed to take our reputation so deeply into the ground that is may be currently found mining for Kryptonite at the center of the Earth. It's just so... wrong! Why flaunt a problem and pity some people that either (1) do not need pity, if they are truly earning a decent and honest living and (2) are there through their own decision and (3) have /nothing/ to do with the general populace?!

They are being turned into national symbols, when half the country does not want /this/ to be what represents them abroad. It's all just so lame.

However... "Etajul 3 s-a mutat la etajul 2" will probably be with me for the rest of my life.

Completely unrelated, the obsessions which I am currently revisiting (by that, read: dancing around the house on):

Starsailor - Faith hope love (ignore video - or don't if you're a One Tree Hill fan -and just feast on the song)

The music - Bleed from within

The Story of a Death

2008-06-11T10:59:00.004+02:00

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This post contains spoilers. It also contains woe-is-me's and profuse sniffles. No wanty, no ready. Kthx

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Good morning, Vietnam! (or Ferentari. Or somesuch. Yes, I am procrastinating off my subject.) So it's morning, my eyes are puffy, my nose is being obnoxiously sniffly, and I'm feeling rather sleep-deprived. The reason being that I stood up late last night, finishing the last book in the Bartimaeus Trilogy.

So how does one prepare for death? Surely no-one wakes up one day and thinks "Today is the day I die." Yes, this is an old theme for me, and I am aware that I have rarely let my musings reach any further than this. But... I mean... it hits you all the more when you're unprepared for it. Painstakingly, cunningly, willingly unprepared for this.

The Amulet of Samarkand was an unobtrusive read, for all that stands. It seemed like light, pre-teen fantasy. So a little guy summons a demon (in this book - djinni). Because this is how their world is constructed. Ah... let's take a step back and watch.

Stroud's London is pretty well created, and there is just enough background information given to make it palpable and palatable. There is also just enough left out to keep the reader searching for more. An alternate universe 1950something Europe, where Britain is an Empire, where their biggest former enemy is Prague (there's a twist...) and America is still a blooming, though rather disobedient, colony.

Magicians are the ruling caste, with their power deriving from spirits from the Other Place that they summon and bind to their service for a certain period of time.

Cue wannabe- (currently apprentice) magician Nathaniel, who proves his talent and ambition by summoning the most caustic, cynical, infuriatingly hilarious djinni he could possibly find. This is also where things go a bit awry.

For one thing, Nathaniel's reasons aren't quite as innocent as his young age might presuppose: he wants revenge - for a spanking (of sorts)that, in all honesty, he had brought upon himslef. Bartimaeus, the djinni in question, is unwilling to put forth any gratuitous help, makes fun of the whelp, and generally spends amounts of time analyzing everything Nathaniel says or does, looking for ways to break his bonds and have a bit of a magician-snack.

But they do end up being heroes, of course, saving the day, saving the Empire from being devoured by a plot (and a mighty creature). And the action is fast-paced, with all loose ends nicely tied up, with incredibly funny footnotes and snide remarks from Bartimaeus. I tell you, the djinni grows on you.

On the other hand, what I found both fascinating and disconcerting is that, by comparison, Nathaniel does not. It would be rather hard, since he is outlined only by his motives. Practically, that's all that makes his character. We know hardly anything about his physical appearance, he has no mannerisms, no distinctive speech patterns. He's so poorly drawn that he does not strike you as a main character in the least. More like he's built by everything else around him creating his outline in compensation of his lack of substance.

Cue book two. Where Nathaniel gets his right reward for putting his neck on the line and is now, at the tender age of 14, in a rather powerful position and rising fast in the Government. But... um... that is a 14-year-old?! Those are what his thoughts, ambitions and worrie should be?! Damn, three quarters of the Globe's population must have been retarded when they were 14, and none of my friends had to deal with intrigue, politics, reading character and having insightful insights before they even hit puberty properly...

However, the second book was heart-warming. Nathaniel begins to discover a bit of his mistake, of having so complacently settled into his life as a magician when the non-magical populace is treated little better than slaves. Cue also the entrance of a new "main" character. Kitty, Resistance fighter, girl about his age. Are you seeing what I'm seeing happening in the near future?

I found the Golem's Eye gratifying, if only for the fact that I almost guessed at the plot (and by this I mean the "plot plot plot" plot, not the literary one) before it was actually revealed. Though, whether I'm getting smarter or the book was predictable is up to everyone else who read it. TP was impressed by a couple of points I made, as far as I remember, so that's my pat on the head for the year.

Also, towards the very end of the book, several more revelations are hinted at regarding Bartimaeus' past and connections with his most important master, Ptolemy of Alexandria. Aaaah, says I, so the book is finally getting some depth... Well, yes, they were heroes again, they ended up saving the day yet again, albeit a bit unwittingly. But this series of adventures had a certain empty feeling to it.

It was like stick figures were drawn, given names, then put into several disjointed pannels that fed their adventures' climax up to the final two-page spread (manga readers will prolly know what I'm talking about) where they can be glorious heroes. As a reward to them behaving so well, the writer adds a bit more color and shading to their stick-figure silhouettes.

But finally, finally, the book was gaining a third dimension! It has depth, and a certain something. Sure there's a voice at the back of your head singing how you were set up for it, what with all the emphasis of characterisation and the like being placed almost solely on Bartimaeus, but what the hell! A character with a secret, with a past! With a sequel!

This being the sequel. The last book. The frigging bane of my existence! (or at least, of whatever inspirational energies should have been aimed at perfecting my thesis paper.) Ptolemy's Gate.

Nathaniel dies. The pattern manifests itself not only in the rise and fall of empires, but at an individual level as well. He relives the fate of Ptolemy. He redeemes himself but still dies for it. Kitty makes an incredible sacrifice to form the ultimate bond with Bartimaeus. Nathaniel welcomes the djinni in his own body, and together they lead an almost-epic battle (which, again, rather lacked depth, but was action-fun all the way). And in the end...

In the end, Kitty is left aimless. Nathaniel does not honor his promise (in fact, he had no intention to). He gives Bartimaeus the ultimate gift a human could to a djinni. And he thanks him for being a good servant. After which the bicker a bit, like in the good days.

What do you say to something like that?

And I ended the book crying my eyes out. Telling myself to slow down while reading its final pages. I couldn't bear the thought of the gaping hole in Nathaniel's side. And I also ended the book hating Bartimaeus. He's the king of escaping! He could have come up with a goddamned plan!

And also, and lastly... he had one more charge. He was charged by his master to say hello to Kitty for him. He had to do that one last thing for him. Deducing from a footnote where he was saying "I forgot to ask Kitty how old she was then. Now I'll never know", he never did what he was charged to do.

He got to live for another 5000 years, maybe, carrying with him the memory of two masters who had died and let him live. Somehow, no matter what the romantics will say, that does not strike as punishment quite as it should.

I don't know why I wanted Bartimaeus to do somehting more. The books had not been built like that. It's just that... There was no closure, only the open wound. Nathaniel was dead.

Lemming OST: Angtoria - Six feet under's not deep enough. Somehow unfitting...

Smut with a twist

2008-06-05T16:54:00.003+02:00

Oh glory me, you will not believe what I found while surfing the web! *cough* instead of studying for my Financial Analysis exam *cough*.

Yes, lords and ladies, gather round and prepare to gawp, for, before your august gazes, I unveil the most orgasm-inducing pictures ever to come before me (haha, get it, a pun to make Nanny Ogg proud *dork*)

Anyway - go here and if, by the last picture, you don't have the brain-writhing chill-up-your-spine of your life, then I can pack it in and become a snail farmer in the South-West of Romania.

(without exaggeration, I was in tears when I saw the last one. I don't care that I might be PMS-ing, and therefore emotional, and you shouldn't let it bias your view, either)

Best to be accompanied by an audition of Gackt - Fragrance, for maximum fangirly effect.

.

Genki much?

2008-06-01T12:25:00.003+02:00

I'm not very happy today.

Nope, not at all. In fact, today has been decreed "sucky day". And I've only been up for a few hours. But there's no reason to cry. No girl in her right mind would cry. I say, you over there, stop laughing your ass off, thank you very much.

At least there will be pizza.

Viitorul suna pisi

2008-05-30T09:13:00.004+02:00

Primul meu pisoi se va numi Picadilly, pentru a putea fi alintat Pika, desigur.

Pisoiul nr. 2 se va numi Suspendare.

That is all, my minions. Back to work, now, please. Chop-chop!

_________________________________________

Listening to: KuroFai AMV soundtrack (Caleb Kane - Once)

Demo, Shiro-chan, doshite?!

2008-05-28T07:00:00.002+02:00

Mmmmyeah.

This is my last exam session, and I'm sitting in the side-lines watching the lemming gloriously screw up. Argh... I knew all those trips I took in April and May would cost me. Even as I was traipsing across Europe I bloody knew there would be a price to pay for that. But to pay through this is a bit too much.

Fuck fuck fuck fuckiddy fuck. If only I'd started working on my thesis earlier, like I'd originally planned. Damn procrastination, stupid anime, and downright moronic lemming.

*goes off to drown herself in the tub*

Oh yeah - panacea: Gothika - Fata Morgana Android and Angel's Trumpet.

Bleach Talkshow part 2

2008-05-21T16:07:00.005+02:00

Din ciclul: TP at work with time on his hands.

Boo: why don't the arrancar just kill titieshime so she won't bloody HEAL and REVIVE everyone
lmg: =))
Boo: slike, mkay, so we'll destroy half the city while throwing our heroes (*snigger*) around and then bouncy-titties comes along and casts rank 10 greater heal on the party and whoosh! They're all back
lmg: ummm.. you do realize how important boobhime is to the plot, right? /:)
Boo: mda.....she's the person they paid so that the anime has more episodes....cuz otherwise jumate din ei mureau in sereitei si la cealalta jumate le dadea grimjaw o flegma si mureau
lmg: i mean, if she didn't have this sort of motherfucking ability which blows your mind with potency (and bouncy titties) you would have had /no/ heroes for the last 100-something chapters!
lmg: :)) there you have it

___________________________________________________________

Boo: slike
Boo: the mangaka and his aides
Boo: all smoking pot in a lounge....and titi kubo ala goes like
Boo: check this shit out! ok ok so we'll have this chick, who is not a shinigami but has a bankai that allows her tits to defy gravity.....aaaaaaand.....she can heal stuff......
*other fellow* but titi, our heroes die....
*titi* ok, so she can.....erm.....REVIVE the pricks! yeah that's it....
*other fellow 2* what, she casts the spell?
*titi* nononono! *takes a smoke* slike, she has these FAERIES!!!!!! yes, like the ones I'm seeing now......FAERIEIS with gay names and fucked out costumes
Boo: and THEY revive the shit

____________________________________________________________

[on the Espada assembly when Ichigo-tachi penetrate Hueco Mundo]:
Boo: ENEMIES AT TEH GATEZ0RS!!!!!!! But first, tea!

___________________________________________________________

Boo: yep, the gang has split up in las nochas.....*all the spanish, I can already see ricky martin or whatever his name is singing in the background*

__________________________________________________________

[on ishida's fight with the female numero that TP aptly named "Miss Butterfly with PMS"]

Boo: just by looking at you I could tell that the reiatsu in your feathers vibrates at 1100,000-1130,000 times per minutes
Boo: hai sa moara ma-ta!

Boo: vai
Boo: deci nu pot sa exprim cat de lame a fost bataia asta
Boo: aia se rupe in figuri acolo cu blades, furry wings, flying, looking hot
Boo: si vine quincy
Boo: isi aranjeaza ochelarii
Boo: scrie o teza de doctorat in reiatsu si vibratiile ei
Boo: si trage o sageata (dupa 10 pagini de explicatii inutile cum ca el de fapt are o sabie care nu numai blocheaza reiatsu dar si suge reiatsu si de fapt, stii tu, sabia aia e o sageata si acu o sa folosesc un lame remark) si wtfpwn
Boo: slike that ITEM is teh imba relic of da lost quincies
Boo: and urahara just happened to have it

_______________________________________________________

[on Chad’s second arm:]

Boo: I can already see it
Boo: *tite cubo brings more pot, cuz he used it all up when designing orihime*
Lmg: :))
Boo: T: mkay, so.....damn this shit is good......ok, so we'll make these bastards who existed since before aizan, but then aizen made them too, and they're like imba
Boo: Crew: *looks disbelieving* mhm
Boo: T: mkay, so they're so imba, they beat up flower-power toushirou and generally mop up everyone in gotei13
Boo: Crew:mhm
Boo: Crew: erm, but then the bad guy will win
Boo: T: oh.....right....hey who else have we got in this anime?
Lmg: :))
Boo: Crew: well we got these humans who beat up everything so far anyway
Boo: T: mhm....right....well these guys are imba anyway....so let's see.....we'll make DaVinci be imba with numbers and wtfpwn everyone with his maths skill and then we'll sell him to AXN to star in NYPD: Criminal Minds
Boo: T: and then we have the ugly guy who looks african but in fact he's japanese who's gotta have these imba arms with corny names like EL Diablo, El Mariachi and whatnot

_________________________________________________________

Boo: now I'm trying to find something funny to say about San Armadillo fellow who's fighting sado
Boo: I'll just wait until he loses, because it doesn't matter that he was an ESPADA, mr it-is-a-good-day-to-cross-the-river-kun will probably mop up the floor with him because he has his ABUELO'S COCK imprinted on his shield and that absorbs everything and his other arm is the devil's own right hand which pwns stuff (do they even have the devil in this anime?)
lmg: ))))))))) nope
Boo: yep, it's going there
lmg: my, baby, you're being clarvoyant
Boo: Sado has just used the legendary mythical attack of the ancient gods : LA MUERTE!!!!!!! (subtely called death)
Boo: look here! see, even tities caught on
lmg: )))))))))
Boo: it says overpowered right there!

________________________________________________________

Boo: amagad
lmg: wha?
Boo: noitra appeared
Boo: you can see the endless amount of mockery that's going to ensue just by looking at this
Boo: http://www.onemanga.com/Bleach/261/16/

The horse

2008-05-20T08:43:00.003+02:00

Of course, this is the first year when I can finally go to Artmania. Of course, I had the highest of high hopes when rumours of Leaves' Eyes started circulating. Of course, I really was willing to give Tiamat a chance. Of course, nothing will budge me from my convictional ramparts, that Lacrimosa suck cock ever so languidly, but I was willing to put up with even that. Of bloody bloody course that this year's line-up leaves (*snigger* did you get it? tihii, I crack myself up! *epicly epic fail*) me completely un-interested.

But bloody of course. Hello, horsey!

Final ARTMANIA line-up:

Friday 18 July, 2008

Frozen Dusk (RO)
Sincarnate (RO)
Bucium (RO)
Agua de Annique (NL)
Tiamat (SWE)
Lacrimosa(GER)

Saturday 19 July, 2008

Nexus (RO)
Avatar (RO)
Negura Bunget (RO)
Leaves’ Eyes (NOR)
Atrocity (GER)
Gamma Ray(GER)

TP talkshow: About Bleach

2008-05-19T14:01:00.003+02:00

Note: this conversation took place on Yim while I was futilely trying to study for my French exam (can't be buggered) and TP was reading the Bleach manga online (first half of the Arrancar Arc). Therefore, for all of you who have not gotten there, but desire to, one day, the following copy-pasted conversation may contain spoilers.

Boo: ilforte grantz!?!?!!?! what, did the manga team fall into the pool of lameness when they named the arrancar?

_________________________________

Boo: grimjaw jagajaga :))

(for those who do not know / did not get it, go here)

_________________________________

lmg: ce-mi place de tine cu bliciul
lmg: fangirls cry
lmg: emo fans of emo-spada-sama se taie cu lama
lmg: fanboys urmaresc luptele cu sufletelul la gurita
lmg: tu te razi ca pugalu, no matter what is happening to the heroes
Boo: I'm sorry
lmg: why?!
Boo: but the heroes are fighting people named jagajaga, il fortoso, grande poola etc. and they are having the floors/roofs/side buildings/sideways mopped with them
Boo: you can't NOT laugh

________________________________

Boo: I shall now release my zampaktouhdodufgh! Skewer them Red Bull! Il fortoso turns into a tauren warrior and proceeds to snort at them whilst looking like a huge white pinata!
lmg: =))
Boo: his opponents gawp at him! Amagad, huge pinata! Just feel that reiatsu coming from him! .....oh, it's the candy inside, not reiatsu

_______________________________

Boo: Tzomping shawlong goes like, I shall now call upon my emoness and turn into Edward-scissor hands!
Boo: Trim their Haircuts, Titirez-named-zanpaktuoh!

_______________________________

Boo: can't really make fun of grimjaw!
Boo: he's pwning ichigo
Boo: gotta love that

_______________________________

Lemming note [again]: shall be updated if and when my lovely boyfriend ever feels like making fun of my currently favourite fandom

Plock plock Argh!

2008-05-19T08:18:00.002+02:00

Argharghargharghargh oshitoshitoshit I'm going to die!!!!!!

....... and that, kids, is what having a thesis paper looming over one's head with a 3-day deadline and a crapload of other stuff to do as well does to small furry lemmings.

*resumes hyperventilation*

The good, the bad and the hideous

2008-05-18T10:05:00.012+02:00

Yesterday was "joy and pride and happiness", and heart-bursting oompf. As a surprisingly wise woman said, yesterday was the crystalization of a year's worth of fascination. I have realized that this fascination has consumed me like a fever, but I have no reproaches for it or its effects whatsoever.

The "gig" started in the wee hours of the morning (11 o'clock O.o), but since senpai and I are ladies of great import and self-respect, we joyfully headed for a juicery first. Green slashes of something were floating around, and sparkling electricity-like and there was expectation, and lo, it was waning.... ummm... hmmmm... I wonder wonder wonder why.

We saw documentaries on Japanese pop culture, and they opened my eyes in a different direction. Are these people that put up a facade, then use methods such as pop art to break out, to seek release? Is it simply enjoyable and slightly therapeutic? How much love for simple things can be mimed, and how much of it is real? How can a whole people be soooo beautiful? They are, I have finally understood, aliens. They are a people of aliens that are spectacularly similar to Earthlings, and who have smoothly blended into our world, but the fascination and hypnotism is there, most definitely and painfully there. How, why?

The AMV projections were prod-buttock to the last. Though I had hoped to see Romanian-made AMVs, which have the great potential to be awe-inspiring, we were given winners of various contests. Still, the joy of sharing something which had been so intimate with a room full of people (and I /mean/ full) who were all vibrating on the same wave-length was delicious. It was also frightening. And wall-breaking.

The festival had three separate locations, each with its charm and goodies - the cosplay kicked severe ass, but the merchandise was a painful letdown. Well. The originality is to be praised, while the quality is still to be eyebrow-raised-at. Maybe next year. Maybe somewhere else. Maybe I'm not as fiercely proud as I should be of talented people that I happen to share a city with. Yeah, perhaps so.

I feel how bland the words are, but I cannot do this. I said I'd try, I'd drag it out of myself even if I had to break something in the process, but the emotions won't leave me and go on the page/screen. It's frustrating, but I cherish them all the more posessively the more I try to force them out. Bah.

The intervening trip around the old center was something that will stay with me for a long, long time. I will always be so so grateful, senpai, for wanting to be there, for agreeing to be there together, sharing the sights and the feelings, and thank you :). It would have been meaningless any other way. Because I've realized that, while I can't find my place in this world, and I can't find my roots half the time, what happened yesterday /is/ a world I would like to hide in, with you. For as long as we can.

At 9 we were at the club, waiting for the concert. I was already feeling apologetic for having dragged my two dear people there (I always always always will keep the feeling of "dragging", even if I'm not. But I am :)...) The pre-concert performance was so daring, and so unique, that it left a pleasant taste in my brain. People who are talented, and passionate, and courageous and creative. It's nice to find something to aspire to, even when there's next-to-zero chances you'll get there. Because it's the Road that makes the traveller, not the destination.

And then, with a delay of only 10 minutes, the Thing started. (oh, dear fellow Romanians - and I say it deprecatingly -, dear artists, care to take a hint? Oh beloved musicians such as Kumm, and the R.I.P. Urma, and LA and Travka, and all the other people I used to give my admiration to so hopefully, care to take a bloody hint? I guess not, because neither you nor the public were raised and instilled with that inherent respect towards your fans, towards the people who may have forsaken things, who may have gone to lengths, or may have simply come there to smoke a peaceful joint, in order to be there that particular night, to enjoy your music, to breathe with you, to move with you. We are sheep and you are all-mighty, but other people go through the trouble of being considerate to their public. What novelty, what daring! What a piece of shit.)

Two men, two beautiful men with beautiful costumes and beautiful music. And they /felt/ their music, they put on a show, even when the sonorizare SUCKED COCK, and the Suburbia people weren't all that bothered with it, of course, when the club was half-empty to begin with, and emptied even more after people started showing the performers the finger and started filing out. Rewind: people who have travelled the world, and come to a new public full of hope, with open hearts, come before a public that knows, or at least recognizes, their songs, and dances to them, and applauds to them, and they are shown the finger?! In what other Universe does that happen?!

But the songs and the performance were simply perfect. The kimonos, and the makeup, and the scenical movement, the involvement with the public, the effort to learn phrases in our language, the fact that they knew where they were (i.e: not Budapest, Romania, not Bucharest, Bulgaria, and other other other fuck-ups and permutations), at least /that/ should earn them some respect. Even if it's only circumstancial.

No? Then let's move on: the lyrics, the composition and programming, the smiles, the sweet shyness of 449 when he addressed the audience, the fucking /hot/ moment when Andro put his arm around 449's shoulders and they sang a piece together, their pleasure when they were called back for the first encore, the way they looked like they slightly could not believe it when they were called back for the /second/ encore. The fact that they found energy, after two hours of intense performance, to give a little bit more to a painfully small bunch of people. These are artists.

And I'm just a fan. A new-born fan, at that. With the surprise that they captured me with what they did on stage last night. So as lame as it may sound, thank you, Gothika, for last night's Suburbia performance. Just thank you :).

The bad: my lungs and throat hurt and are incredibly sore. Intensive care in that department, coming up.

The ugly: E-mail forwarded to me, an e-mail from a person in China. Where there are currently around 29 000 estimated deaths. Twenty-nine thousand people dead. Where people are sleeping in the streets, for fear of more earthquakes. Shit. Fucking fucking shit. We're so helpless and fragile.

The roses are out to get me!

2008-05-14T09:53:00.003+02:00

Din ciclul "Lemmingul are presentimente paranormale" (quote Divertis: "Am presentimentul ca ma mir"), those darned roses that popped up in my room yesterday have a bad energy around them.

"Darned" - not because anyone darned them, as my elder female family members have fun competing about who will darn my socks (oh, teh joy!), but because... ummm... because! Last night I turned off the lights and got into bed to talk to tp. We had been talking since before me turning off said lights. So darkness descends (not in /that/ way) and I feel the negative energy around the room. Not going anywhere (gen, aimed at me, for example), but there and seething. I tried to block it out, and very pointedly fell asleep with my back to them. This morning, as with all mornings after a nightmare, my amulet was hanging the other way round (as in, it had twisted and was now hanging on my back, instead of down my chest).

Bah. Stoopid roses!

hum

2008-05-11T08:17:00.003+02:00

As always when I finally give in and whine (to someone or to blogland in general) about my problems (I call it venting, btw, okay?! :D), life decides, probably out of perversity, to start solving them one by one.

I usually conduct my business with the motto "every problem has a solution, otherwise they wouldn't exist" in mind. Even the blatantly obvious negative examples of this that have occurred in my life have not managed to dissuade me. And yet, sometimes... you know how it is. You're too tired, and too worried, and too in pain, or just too not-giving-a-fuck, so you're open to all the negative energies around. Bah!

But yesterday was, stubbornly enough, a hugely pleasant day, in which I got to hang out with Senpai (if it can be called hanging out - we were in school, on a goddamned Saturday morning, recuperating classes), but it was fun, and pleasant in a cat-purring-in-your-lap sort of way. And we just sat side-by-side, her reading or writing and me jittering on the edge of my seat because I had to deliver a presentation. And just being in the same room and sitting like that, next to one-another, for several hours, was sooooo nice.

... and we drew this in paint.... *beams with pride*...*dork*

Erm, yes, we are both 22 and in our last year of Business Administration ccollege. I so do /not/ want to hear anything of the sort regarding our masterpiece! :P

As for the main thing that was eating away at me... yes, it has happened before, and I know better than to actually worry about it. It's just that... sometimes, it completely surprises me how little I know myself, or how I think things about my mind-set and way of judging things, and it just ends up coming to bite me in the ass. I used to think (and, stubbornly enough, I still do, even after all the discussions and the soul-searching) that becoming pregnant was not a problem. I'm a strong person (after all, after all the shit comes and goes, I /am/ still standing, even if only out of intertia) and I could easily have an abortion (quick, not-really-painful, not-really-expensive, and definitely not illegal, as in other dumber parts of the world. It'd be easy. I always have an emergency-fund for... obviously, different emergencies, standing by, I have the time, it would not have posed a problem. There are 3 private medical clinics within walking distance of my home, good ones at that, and another specialized cabinet a bit further away. Pfffft.

And yet, I was thinking about it last night, before I went to bed. In that in-between time, when the drowziness choked the wannabe-strong voices in my head, and I was left with the actual honesty. And I realized that I'd be /happy/ to be pregnant. That there are few things I want more in my life. That I still don't know "what I want to be when I grow up", two weeks before finishing school for ever, but I do know how many kids I want, what gender I want them to be, how many years apart, what their names will be, what sports they'll practice while growing up, and all that other crap.

So... question of the day is... am I simply deranged, or am I just hiding my insecurities behind the one sure thing in my life - that I will, at one point in the not-too-distant future, be a mother. And what got it into my head that it /is/ something certain? For all I know, I may have some /condition/, or whatever-you-call-it, that means I will never have kids of my own. Fuck, I can't even think about that. That's like... maaaaaaaaaaaaaan...

And I know I talked to tp before about this, about how such a situation, whatever its outcome, would somewhat irrevokably alter the genki lmgXpgl relationship. But... I don't know... this is soemwhat mine more than ours. The problem, and the solution, and definitely the consequences. Which is not to say I'd do something without talking it through first. It's just that... hah, the winning phrase: it's complicated!

Foaming at the mouth. Again

2008-05-09T09:01:00.003+02:00

Yes, I know this happens before each exam session, but fuck it!

- I got a goddamned 9 for a project I worked 3 days for, from 9 in the morning to 1 at night

- I can't find materials for a second fucking project because, what do you know, they're confidential, but that doesn't mean the professor isn't asking for them

- turns out I may not be allowed to present that project, which means lower grade from the start

- I still haven't written my practical part of the thesis paper (some 30 pages) and I've got 2 more weeks of school to do it in, after which the fucking exam session will start, and I haven't studied a thing beforehand... again!

- my coordinating professor is currently not talking to me anymore, for god knows what reason

- my fucking period isn't coming.

*looks longingly out window, calculating if she could succeed in killing herself or if she'll just manage to break all the bones in her body*

*deep breath* back to work, allegedly

The Beast

2008-04-07T19:45:00.002+02:00

Almost as a recurring motive, whenever he puts on the "Vimes" coat, Pratchett talks about the man's inner Beast.

The sentient killer that is always lurking just below the surface of civility that Vimes has built. The animal in whose care you place your life in key moments, when you rely on your senses more than on your intellect, when /thinking/ about a move instead of just doing it is the gap between survival and a narrow alley for a grave.

Does that Beast exist in Vimes alone? Permit me to have my doubts. It is only normal for it to differ in purpose, abilities and aftermath, from person to person and from circumstance to circumstance.

I'm slowly letting it take me over, starting this evening. Because I fear what my Beast does to people around me, I'm letting it take me a bit at a time, like slowly sinking into hot water in a tub. I felt it affecting me today - the way I dressed, the music I listened to, the pic on my desktop. So I kept as quiet as I could. I loathe how it makes me feel: all full of myself, drowning in the awareness of what I can do, of how I can walk on water, bodies or whatever else needs to be walked on to achieve a goal. I hate how secure it makes me feel, because secure means cold-hearted, shrewd, unforgiving.

It is not who I want to be, and I made this choice a long time ago. But I still keep my pet around, chained up until I need it. Tomorrow feels like it will be a special day. This is probably why I have been shirking writing my application, or starting work on my thesis - because I know that I have to let it loose, and that, the longer it stays loose, the harder it is to chain it back up.

I left this as a reminder that I have to get back to normal after tomorrow is over. Spain will probably cure me, but I do not want to risk it still being around on Wednesday.

Evans Blue - Cold (but I'm still here)

Gack! gack-gack?! Gaaaack...

2008-04-03T22:21:00.005+02:00

Erm... I have no idea how to phrase this, probably out of sheer embarrassment. *deep breath*

I have just spent 30 minutes of my life watching the worst yaoi OVA ever in the existence of modern humanity!onetwohundredandseven!

What in damnation ever possessed me to do that?! Please, if you plan on watching Kirepapa (and are not one of the hormone-ridden fangirls who expressed their undying devotion to this piece of dung with badly-drawn and mediocre-animated characters who are given every possible excuse and plot device to just /fuck/).... don't. Just don't, or else there will probably be no time left for Discworld's Procrastinators to spin, after we victims have all won our respective law suits demanding for compensation in the shape of our 30 minutes back.

Yes, I know I'm never this vehement about anything I come in contact with. Indeed, who am I to judge, as the poetess said. True, it's one person's opinion, and I /could/ have just stopped watching (though I was sincerely curious to see just how much worse it can get. And boy, did I find out! I mean, the kid's confession at the end of the OVA, that he's also gay, was just... beyond words. The gods of lame must be rejoicing as we speak.)

*breath*

Fuck me and my curiosity. I mean, I was supposed to rewatch the first epi of Sukisyo, in an effort to quench my recurring addiction for the series. *cue lemming clicking on several links that took her to /this/ particular masterpiece* Gonna go off to lurk towards my bed, carefully connecting head-first with all of the *count* 5 walls that I'll come across.

Make that 6, because I'll carefully hit one more after I close the door to my room.

KthxBYE.

The fangirl's prayer

2008-03-26T14:11:00.001+01:00

give me today my daily anime, and protect me from the temptation of real work, for those who shall scorn temptation shall find happiness in the land of the otaku. and bestow upon me the wisdom to see and appreciate true anime, as well as the divine inspiration to write awe-producing fanfics. now and forever, YAOI!

I /might/ be persuaded to admit that it needs a bit of work. I will, however, /not/ be persuaded to admit that I am in (dire) need of therapy. Kthnksbye.

Never thought you'd make me perspire / while doing a leapsa

2008-03-26T11:55:00.002+01:00

01) Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02) Swam with wild dolphins
03) Climbed a mountain
04) Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05) Been inside the Great Pyramid
06) Held a tarantula.
07) Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08) Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
09) Hugged a tree
10) Done a striptease
11) Bungee jumped
12) Visited Paris
13) Watched a lightning storm at sea
14) Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15) Seen the Northern Lights
16) Gone to a huge sports game
17) Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18) Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19) Touched an iceberg
20) Slept under the stars
21) Changed a baby’s diaper
22) Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23) Watched a meteor shower
24) Gotten drunk on champagne
25) Given more than you can afford to charity
26) Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27) Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28) Had a food fight
29) Bet on a winning horse
30) Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
31) Asked out a stranger
32) Had a snowball fight
33) Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34) Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35) Held a lamb
36) Enacted a favorite fantasy
37) Taken a midnight skinny dip
38) Taken an ice cold bath
39) Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40) Seen a total eclipse
41) Ridden a roller coaster
42) Hit a home run
43) Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44) Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45) Adopted an accent for an entire day
46) Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47) Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48) Had two hard drives for your computer
49) Visited all 50 states of USA
50) Loved your job for all accounts
51) Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52) Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53) Had amazing friends
54) Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55) Watched wild whales
56) Stolen a sign
57) Backpacked in Europe
58) Taken a road-trip
59) Rock climbing
60) Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice
61) Midnight walk on the beach
62) Sky diving
63) Visited Ireland
64) Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65) In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66) Visited Japan
67) Benchpressed your own weight
68) Milked a cow
69) Alphabetized your records
70) Pretended to be a superhero
71) Sung karaoke
72) Lounged around in bed all day
73) Posed nude in front of strangers
74) Scuba diving
75) Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
76) Kissed in the rain
77) Played in the mud
78) Played in the rain
79) Gone to a drive-in theater
80) Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it
81) Visited the Great Wall of China
82) Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog.
83) Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84) Started a business
85) Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86) Toured ancient sites
87) Taken a martial arts class
88) Sword fought for the honor of a woman
89) Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90) Gotten engaged
91) Been in a movie
92) Crashed a party
93) Loved someone you shouldn’t have
94) Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95) Gotten married
96) Had sex at the office
97) Gone without food for 5 days
98) Made cookies from scratch
99) Won first prize in a costume contest
100) Ridden a gondola in Venice
101) Gotten a tattoo
102) Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103) Gotten divorced
104) Been on television news programs as an “expert”
105) Got flowers for no reason
106) Masturbated in a public place
107) Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
108) Taken illegal drugs
109) Performed on stage
110) Been to Las Vegas
111) Recorded music (well.. i recorded. it was a music recording studio. enough said :D)
112) Eaten shark
113) Had a one-night stand
114) Gone to Thailand
115) Seen Siouxsie live
116) Bought a house
117) Been in a combat zone
118) Buried one/both of your parents
119) Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120) Been on a cruise ship
121) Spoken more than one language fluently
122) Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123) Bounced a check
124) Performed in Rocky Horror
125) Read - and understood - your credit report
126) Raised children.
127) Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy.
128) Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (does it count if we travelled several hundred kilometers to see them live? not necessarily favourite band, though they were at the time. as were all others i've listened to. alas, the fickleness!)
129) Created and named your own constellation of stars
130) Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131) Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132) Called or written your Congress person
133) Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134) …more than once? - More than twice?
135) Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136) Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
137) Had an abortion or your female partner did
138) Had plastic surgery
139) Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
140) Wrote articles for a large publication
141) Lost over 100 pounds
142) Held someone while they were having a flashback
143) Piloted an airplane
144) Petted a stingray
145) Broken someone’s heart
146) Helped an animal give birth
147) Been fired or laid off from a job
148) Won money on a T.V. game show
149) Broken a bone
150) Killed a human being
151) Gone on an African photo safari
152) Ridden a motorcycle
153) Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
154) Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155) Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156) Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157) Ridden a horse
158) Had major surgery
159) Had sex on a moving train
160) Had a snake as a pet
161) Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162) Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163) Slept for more than 30 hours
164) Visited lots of foreign countries
165) Visited all 7 continents
166) Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167) Eaten kangaroo meat
168) Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169) Been a sperm or egg donor
170) Eaten sushi
171) Had your picture in the newspaper
172) Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173) Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
174) Gotten someone fired for their actions
175) Gone back to school
176) Parasailed
177) Changed your name
178) Petted a cockroach
179) Eaten fried green tomatoes.
180) Read The Iliad
181) Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
182) Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183) …and gotten 86′ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184) Taught yourself an art from scratch
185) Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186) Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187) Skipped all your school reunions
188) Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189) Been elected to public office
190) Written your own computer language
191) Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
192) Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193) Built your own PC from parts
194) Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
195) Had a booth at a street fair (not a street fair, an indoor-fair :P)
196) Dyed your hair
197) Been a DJ
198) Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199) Written your own role playing game
200) Been arrested.

Goodbye, Halcion days -again. A different story.-

2008-03-20T19:53:00.004+01:00

Gaaaah! We have just made the biggest mistake we could have made. And I can't believe it was agreed upon so easily, so readily. Sure, why communicate and somehow solve your problems, when you can ignore them, and let them get bigger, and let them get serious, and let them fester and hurt?

And we'll end up being like all those other people, that talk just for the sake of talking, because they heard that people do that, but they never actually /say/ anything, because by that time there are so many unresolved issues between them that they have a list of "safe" topics of conversation.

Kinda like in Nightwatch: Lord Selachii, I notice we are at a party. Yes indeed. I also notice that there is a fair number of people standing upright. I understand that this is the custom, at such affairs. Which is not to say that lying down does not have its merits. Yes indeed, it can be quite appropriate in certain situations. Such as sleeping. Quite.

(and no, I'm so /not/ being gratuitously pessimistic)

And then we'll get awkward, and then maybe even not talk at all, for fear of what we might dig up. Like everyone's parents. Like the people from the "bed. office. bed. office" commercial. Like all those other people we used to look with scorn at.

And I cannot /believe/ he didn't have the interest (or whatever it was, though I cannot understand what) to think about it himself, that every little gesture could count. That waking up with him at school (or somewhere where I was lemminging) would mean so much, that a flower or /something/ meaningless, a small, /unplanned/ gesture could be so loved. Why? We actually /synchronized schedules/. I can't believe this is happening.

And now we won't be talking about /that kinda stuff/ ever again, because it's uncomfortable, and why be uncomfortable when you can be very, very comfy, very, very easily?

WHY THE FUCK NOT?

Happy mufu to you too.

(there. I vented. Thank you.)

(yes, I know you will probably see this, sometime sooner or later. I think I'm just tired enough to not care about the consequences.)

Sa ne traiesti, Licitatie!

2008-03-17T11:43:00.003+01:00

Breaking news: a intrat in viata si casa noastra Bonsai-ul numarul 3 (poate de data asta e cu noroc =))...).

Doamnelor si domnilor, va prezint cu mandrie bonsai-ul Licitatie.

I dare you to laugh.

(later edit: To all people living in my house: please be so kind and keep Licitatie /away/ from any toilets. Prietenii stie de ce.)

Getting your act together

2008-03-17T07:52:00.002+01:00

The process of getting one's act together is a very interesting one, from a socio-psychological point of view.

Peer pressure helps oodles, as does the phenomenon (with which I do not agree and in which I do not believe), called by some a "conscience". (however, if it does not exist, then what is it?). But perhaps the biggest catalyst is self-suggestion.

I swear that Mai-HiME did the trick. In a perverse, reverse-psychology type of way. It induced in me that state of peaceful normality that I only rarely get, which made me want to transcribe my courses, and start on my projects, and be nice and helpful *hums to ignore audience gasps and mocking laughter* to the people around me. And then there is the added bonus of the soundtrack being a /doll/! I mean, those songs prod buttock to such an extent that I can actually believe I would have liked them even had I not seen the anime. (meh, of course, I have now plunged myself deeper than I would have liked into the Mai-HiMe!Anime + Mai-Otome!Anime + Mai-Otome Zwei!OVAs + Mai-HiME!Manga + Mai-Otome!Manga fandom. And the prequel to Mai-Otome isn't even here yet *does Ed's nervous laughter from the "Life's gonna suck when you grow up" AMV*)

Irrespective of all of the above, or perhaps, in a way, somewhat tangentially to the above, I am starting to see the "history is a rubber band with a lead ball on it" theory applied to life around me (and my own, of course). Nothing gets out of line, nothing unexpected happens, and even when it does, normality bounces back with a vengeance, even. But this, in a way, is a positive aspect - it makes me feel safe about doing some minor dumb things, in the full knowledge that things /will/ bounce back, and it also makes me want to test the limits of how far things will bounce back from. Of course, there is always the possibility of the lead ball bouncing back directly on my head, but then, won't we laugh, and laugh, and laugh *heh*.

Saturday was a dream-day, it was the closest I've felt to balance in a while. No rush, no anxiety, just the feeling of bliss (I swear "Feeling good" was written for days like this). Dani was charming (don't let it go to your head, now, Miss!) and Hard Rock Cafe was an uber-blast.

Starting with the Bloody Mary at the bar (yeepee, real celery! *dork*), continuing with the ginormous portions of yummy foods (the Jumbo Combo thingummy was everything I'd hoped it to be. The Hickory-Dickory-Dock BBQ thingummy was less, but only by comparison.), going through the aspect of decorations, briefly stopping at the music *drools*, shamefully avoiding the subject of the sensor-equipped toilets *is ashamed for not having known how to turn on the water tap* and stopping at the large array of customers.

I swear, if that wasn't a slice-of-life portrait-meets-caricatura, then I don't know what could be. There were fufe and macho-dudes, "true men" dressed in pink *dork again*, charmingly young parents with adorable tykes, and.... and... I actually saw a rocker!!! Like, a whole rocker! With shoulder-length hair (meh, maybe he was only at the beginning of the Road) and a black anorak. And he was there with his parents and younger siblings (a whole gaggle of up-to-12-years-old wittle dudes with wannabe plete). That was the most endearing thing I've seen in a while now. *smiles contentedly*

And besides all that ambiance stuff, the talk with Dani rocked. I mean, that fictional world was shaping up as we spoke, and we could see things happening, or things that could happen, should the author so desire. And it felt so productive, and creative, and /kewl/. And I think it's obvious I'm beating around the bush, but it was so special to me that I can't talk about it. *is starry-eyed and in love*.

Next thing on the order of business will be Spain (11-21 April), but until then I have huge amounts of work to do. (as per usual. Please do not be fooled, I do not work that hard, it's just the same work-load all the time, but since it never gets done, of course it's always huge *innocent blink-blink*). How was Tusnad, I hear you asking... Well, of course, about that - in the next episode.

...or something

2008-02-23T08:37:00.003+01:00

Under the title "liek, whoa!":

Apparently people /do/ visit this blog! I could not believe my four eyes (six, if you count the inner lemming's) when I saw the statistics. It made me sorta happy. And sorta worried (because I can sometimes succomb to the temptation of writing the most unadulterated /crap/ on this blog, but yeah, you know, that's me: should've had brown eyes instead of blue - agian, much love for that funny, funny man - ).

And it also made me sorta sad that many didn't bother to "say hi" (by that, I mean, leave a comment. Even if it's along the lines of "Dude, you suck, get a life". That's common knowledge already, anyway...)

But, meh, *hopeful looks in the direction of ghostly visitors* we all thrive off feed-back, in the end. (or so I was taught at this lovely, lovely training session)

Ok, back to work. This darn-beboggled leaflet is going to leave me bald, and with hepatitis (erm, yeah. Drama queen mode activated).

/procrastination

Drawing a thin line

2008-02-21T20:02:00.003+01:00

I'm holding a pencil in my hand. Yegads, this feels good. Just taking my time studying what I'm going to draw, then giving it undivided attention. I suppose I shouldn't dwell on it too much, or else the joy of it will be spoiled.

Looking back, I can feel a certain change in the way I'm writing. I was out with a friend today, having lunch (how /girly/!) and she was having fun spooking me about how I'll be a full-fledged adult in less than six months. I get anxiety attacks just thinking about it. Just like my phobia of seeing a picture of the World. (aaah, you don't know about this one, do you?)

I've always had this thing, whenever I see an image of the Earth as seen from outer space. It freaks me out to such an extent, that I start hyperventilating and feeling cold and wanting to cry (mmmm...no. Don't go there, Gin. I probably did /not/ have traumatic experiences while in the womb, nor did I ever see my parents naked - individually /or/ playing horsie, thank you very much.)

So yeah, being a grown-up is kinda like that. For the first time in my life - and probably thanks to all the info I've been acquiring since I started doing volunteering work - I can actually feel the world stretching out in front of me. Anywhere is a possibility. Belgium? Why not? Holland, you say? Could be... Japan? Aaaah, yes, the land of glory. And yet I doubt that I've ever felt less motivated than I do now. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to get a job, I don't want to start working on my thesis paper (and the fact that senpai has been bitten by that bug just goes to prove how ubercool she is, and the extent of my suckiness *hangs head in sorrow* I am unworthy. And those AMV's you gave me will be the death of me. So thank you!!!) <- *is dysfunctional*

Of course, there's also the problem with tp, and his having one more year of school, and what are we going to do about /that/? Because, in the best sense of lemming tradition, (probably especially because I know it can't be done, or it will be difficult to) I have this /uuuuurge/ to go. Just go. Pack up and move. Do something stupid. Have a tour of every single temple in Asia. Go eat at every McDonald's in South America. /Something/. Because I feel my life is coming to an end (no, I'm not dying just yet. Probably. Though seeing that trolley-bus going down my street might be a sign, saaaa....), and I'm scared shitless about it. What am I going to do?

I know I said I'll rant about Yami no Matsuei, and Cultural Institutes in Bucharest, and (for some odd reason I can't remember) old ladies, but I'll keep it short, since I'm not in the mood (and I have this anally violating deadline for a project. Yes, it /is/ partly my fault, but even if I'd seen the mail earlier, I still wouldn't have had time to start on it. In the end, this is the same reason as the one for which I didn't see the mail... Duhi!)

And btw @ anally violating. Duuuude, I saw this hentai manga done after Ichigo 100%... Can I NOT EVER have to associate /those/ images ever again, pleasekthanks?

Yami no Matsuei kinda rocked my foundations. Both in the "rock on, dude \m/" way, and the "earthquaky" one. Those people are soooo... what's the word? Un-frustrated. Or, even if they are, they act it out in such an honest and unassuming way (see Tatsuki being in love with Tsuzuki). And, just as I was saying in Deko (btw, unrelated: people, don't go to Cafe Deko! It kinda sucks.), they move in a way that suggests they've completely accepted who and what they are, that they have no sexual frustrations, that they're fine with the way they look and the way other people perceive them in. Plus, Tsuzuki's hot and Hisoka is discussion-cannon-fodder to last us the rest of our lives. Or at least mine.

I love the way I can just clear up all my ideas just by talking to senpai. Talking to you makes me feel really good about really confusing stuff *glomps*

Cultural Institutes in Bucharest are something out of this world. The British Council is kinda the best as far as client service is concerned (though being the best of the worse is no reason for pride where I'm standing), at least among the ones I frequent. Of course, they have their shortcomings, but shit like that which has happened to Gabi on several occasions has never happened to me (or if it did, I very logically and very /determinately/ requested that the matter be put to right. It's cool to be a bitch. Dad was so proud of me today :* ).

The French Institute is a blob of unorganized personnel (librarians who don't know their own books, look spaced out/stoned, and have noooooo incentive to help you / be nice to you whatsoever.) with few resources. Their only redeeming feature is that their prices are low compared to, say, my next topic of rant/complaint. As they say, "it's worth whatever you pay for it", ne?

And now, und jetzt, geehrte Damen und Herren, it's time for the Goethe Institute. Yegads, what happened there on sign-up day (when we were supposed to take part in the "inscrieri pentru fostii cursanti" - signing up for new courses, held exclusively for people who weren't on their first Goethe course) was a blast. Seriously, you should have been there. You should have stood on the barricades with the rest of us, get the medals and the t-shirts and the hits and roll with the puches like we didAnd I am maintaining my heart-felt belief, that Frau Militaru (or whatever that blasted woman's name is) is several screws short of a barrel of crazy monkeys (no, that phrase was not meant to mean anything. Neither is anything she says/does.)

For details on any of the above, I shall provide if there are those who want to hear it. (i.e.: not here. Mi-e lene. :|)

Oh yes, and I remembered about the old ladies: if I'd had any innocence left, I could have safely said it ended the day when an old lady looking like a textbook illustration of the grandma I never had, but always wanted, tried to stop me on the street to ask for the time. Since I was about to keep half-running/half-jogging past her (normal walking speed for the lemming that's always tardy after leaving home waaay to early. Care to explain, anyone who knows quantum physics?), she called out the most world-shattering phrase I've ever heard: "I'm not begging, miss. I just want to know what time it is." I wanted to kneel before her, apologize for every thought in my head, and cry. Maybe then I'll have found redemption.

Redemption is a loaf of bread, fresh out of the oven. Now stop reading my moronic rants and go do something useful - listen to Three Days Grace - Let you down. *shivers semi-orgasmically*

Environment vs. Heredity

2008-02-18T11:42:00.003+01:00

Can you see me, standing here in the middle? With that unerring instinct of the socially undecided, choosing the exact intersection point between the bisectoare and the what-was-the-name-of-the-other-thingummy?

Why can't I ever make up my bloody mind? Even subconsciously? My way of being is clearly that of an implementator. I work hard to accomplish tasks that others set before me, and I have no problem with that. I actually like the safety and mellow-ness that derive from that position.

However, I was indoctrinated with the principles of a person that takes the lead (which is something different from leader, at least from where I'm standing), which makes me have principles driving me that are not backed up by abilities or human nature.

In other words, the inner hamster knows when to take initiative and get a group up and running. But what follows should help maintain this status quo, not destroy it. Urgh, I don't know how to express myself any better than this. I don't have what it takes to be a leader, but I was taught that this is the only role in which one would ever be successful. Can't I, just for once, just this one time, maybe, perhaps, please, not have to feel that "I can do it better than you, I know exactly how we should do this, so follow me!"? Pretty please? I'll give my subconscious candies if it just leaves me alone for the next couple of months.

Kthanksbye.

Goodbye, halcion days

2008-02-18T11:11:00.003+01:00

Two concerts in two days. Pffff... what was I thinking?

Alias was cool. I mean, I hadn't expected that. I don't know exactly what I /was/ expecting, but not that degree of coolness. The chitarist kicked ass in the most profuse of ways, Razvan ruled as per usual, and the vocalist was actually cool. Disregarded: cold, hunger (which was solved through tp's kindness), loooong day (more than 12 hours of being out of the house), tiring session at IGC, snow while I was wearing my thinnest pair of trousers, ensuing urinary infection. I dare myself to laugh /this/ off.

Kumm were the bomboana pe coliva. I still haven't come to terms with what happened on Saturday. Did they suck? Was the sound system badly set? (though tp assured me that was not the case) Did they just fail to communicate that lovely magic to the crowd? (the people seemed to be enjoying themselves, though) Was I too tired? Had tp really managed to dampen my mood that much?

I don't get what happened. But whatever happened made me come to several resolutions and conclusions about my fangirly concert-going joy. The first is that, however sad it may be that I have no friends who share my taste in Romanian music, I should stop dragging unsuspecting victims to concerts they don't want to attend in the first place. In case of "or else", the outcome will never be more than a variation of what happened on Saturday. The second is, in correlation with the above, that I am swearing off concerts for a while (simply because I can't enjoy myself if the person(s) accompanying me aren't having fun as well. And rather than to be put in a situation similar to the Saturday one, I prefer not going). I shall probably continue being the spastic groupie when (1) I will have a car, (2) I will live by myself (sans parents) and (3) I will get it out of my system that going by yourself isn't all /that/ bad. (read: I still have a loooooooooong way to go. Meh, it was fun while it lasted)

So yeah. Oh, and talking about the title, no, I am not turning into Orihime. Though if Ulquiorra came to get me, I'd probably ask him if I could spend the 12-hour grace period humping him instead of going about town in a brainwashed type of trance (hehehehehe) and drooling over the dumbass.

Vineeeeeee!

2008-02-08T16:40:00.000+01:00

Cluj! Cluuuuj! Cluj fairy princess!!! :))

Plec peste 6 ore (adica la inumana ora de 23.20). And tomorrow morning, we'll be there, enjoying the beauty of that city, the intoxicating quiet and the joy of discovery and the inquisitiveness of the peacefully sedated (that being me, after a week of holiday. As opposed to my normal, almost aggressive and semi-dangerous curiosity, this is going to be as innocent as a new-born Tsuzuki - beautiful, and with great destructive potential).

Upcoming posts about Yami no Matsuei, little old ladies in Bucharest, musings on our upcoming "mascota de Bucuresti" and a lovely overview of the Cultural Institutes in my lovely city (British Council, the French Institute and - all-time favourite - the Goethe Institute). For they will buuuuuuurn.

Ja ne!

peseu: I hope we don't get robbed on the train. It's been nagging me for a while now. :|

Anime Awards

2008-02-01T18:08:00.001+01:00

And here we are, still alive after Sesiune (barely). Since 2007 has been a more than productive year as far as anime-watching is concerned, I've decided that I might as well amuse myself by writing an "Anime Awards" post - with the most random and dumbass categories ever (but, as the poet says, "don't ask" =))...)

best fandom to be obsessed about - Loveless. Hands down and no qualms about it. And this comes from a person that suffers from the "fangirl" syndrome. But nothing beats the beauty that is Loveless - with its mystery, angst, drama, smiles and sniffles, the sweetest main character ever, and the most basket-case main-character-number-two. And nothing will ever beat the butterflies (haha, get it? *dork*) in my stomach when I check the scanlation update page each month. God, I wish they sold this manga here as well...

best angst in fandom - I was like /whoa/ when I realized I can't decide. But as much as I adore the SoubixRitsuka angst and Emospada-sama, I should say... Sukisyo. Because it was the most... human, and /real/ of them all. Because I didn't have to swallow any bits of the plot whole. And because Shinichiro is such a /doll/.

Best angst [character] - two winners sharing this trophy - Agatsuma Soubi and Fujimori Sunao. They left him behind, oh god, they left him behind and just /ran away/ *sobs*

best comedy fandom - need I say it? Ouran Highschool Host Club. But, dang, have you /seen/ the last chapter of the manga? I wanted to murdify Haruhi.

best comic character - This was a tough choice (weren't they all :))...), going between the Hitachiin twins and Kaidou Kio. The winner, however, was the Kaoru - Hikaru pair (but they'll have to /share/ a prize. There!)

best unexpected comic relief character - Hayato Ike (Shakugan no Shana 1 and 2). I mean, what was /up/ with the whole going-to-the-amusement-park thing? And the school-festival episode? (which only go to prove my theory regarding /all/ anime having like a narative imperative or something, to contain one episode of an outing to an amusement park and/or an episode of a school festival. I'm actually surprised Bleach didn't have to go through this... yet.)

best shounen-ai pairing - because I am twisted. Answer - Yoru and Ran (Sukisyo). *shudders* ooo, teh lurve. Also to be metioned: Kaoru and Hikaru (in an AU of some sort) and Shindou Shuuichi and Yuki Eiri. And, of course, Yumichika and Hisagi Shuuhei (as peroxidepest17 writes them. hah!)

best het pairing - oi, /is/ there such a thing in anime?! If I could have it my way - Ichimaru Gin x Matsumoto Rangiku and Lucy x Kouta (Elfen Lied).

best fandom in terms of bishounen - Loveless. Because /nothing/ keeps me up at night like the thought of those guys.

best anime chick - Shihouin Yoruichi. For she is gorgeous, and strong, and determined, and a /woman/, for all it stands (weaknesses included. Though I can see how Urahara Kisuke can be a weakness - in the knees, for me, but any other part is fine, love). And more than anything, because she is not yet another "dumb broad", like most female characters.

best cross-dresser - Fujimori Sunao. Even though he was drawn that way. Abarai Renji has potential, too ( =)) *dies*)

best AMV-generating fandom - Loveless (again). No explanation necessary. An account on amv.org is free (or so they say :-* *loves senpai*)

best fanfic-generating fandom - need I say it? *is embarassed* Loveless. Oh lord, the angst, the angst!!one!

best action fandom - Bleach. "For the pain and the sorrow, caused by my mistakes, won't repent to a mortal whom is all to blame..."

best fantasy / sci-fi - Elfen Liedddddddd and Trinity Blood.

best "wtf?! where did the plot go" - Trinity Blood, for Abel and Ion ending up on Mars. Erm... yeah.

best "what the hell happened in the end to the main character?!" - Black Cat (note: for both this category and the one directly above - and for all anime here generally - these "awards" are based on anime!verse /only/ - not manga. Except for Loveless. That's special *drools*)

best future bishounen [when he grows up] - Aoyagi Ritsuka. Heh, can you tell this was a category made especially for him? (though there was a surprising number of contenders for this one... Hyuuga Natsume will now murder me in my sleep because I didn't choose him.)

biggest anime dumb chick - Esther Blanchett (Trinity Blood). Ye gads, can you say "shimpu-sama! kaka!" (or whatever you spell that :)). )

best anime to be a Mary Sue in - *goes off chanting* Bleach! Bleach! Bleach fairy princess... (because the characters are all so loveable, and so diverse, and so bloomin' special, that I'd looove to meet them)

best character to cosplay as - Abarai Renji. But I'd like to keep the tattoos. And my hair colour almost matches anyway.

anime chick I'd like to date - Again, Shihouin Yoruichi. Because her character type (no, not her, per se. I have yet to fall so deep into my obsession to /worship/ a fictional, drawn person.) is respect- and praise-worthy, because she is strong and vulnerable, and because she looked damn /hot/ on her date with Urahara.

anime bishounen I'd date - Agatsuma Soubi, hands down. (don't care if he has a shota complex. I can be chibi if I try, ne?)

anime imba character - Kenpachi Zaraki. Beautiful man, ne? *bat eyelashes*

anime character I'd send to councelling [does not apply if he/she is already receiving councelling] - Aoyagi Seimei. Bah, I don't want to get into it.

character I's like to kill. Kill him ded. With a rock - Persona (Gakuen Alice). I was going to write "Seimei" for this again, but I figured he deserves a second chance, what with him being Ritsuka's nii-chan and everything. I can already envisage kicking myself in the mouth for this choice, several more chapters into Loveless :))

anime character I'd like to look like - Aoyagi Ritsuka. I'm actually making a conscious effort (no, I'm not wearing fake cat ears). He's just, sort of, the ideal of beauty (at least for the kid in me). Of course, if this had a sub-category of "anime character whose smouldering glances I'd like to be able to give off", Kuchiki Byakuya and Hyuuga Natsume would be having a... staring contest-to-the-death right now. And the winner would prolly be Hitsugaya =))

Best unrequitted-love pairing - Soubi and Kio. Though I'm beginning to believe more and more that Kio's homosexual innuendos are just for show, and that he loves Soubi in a different way. But where would half the fandom be without that little bit of canon-fodder? And where would I get my angst!supply?

best OOC pairing - Renji x Ichigo :)). Nah, I'm (only half-) joking. Orihime x Ulquiorra (senpai's fault again).

character I'd like to kick in the head [for being stupid] - Sakura Mikkan. Ye gads! (but she's got an excuse - she's still young, and so has plenty of time to come to her senses. And besides, she's done a shitload of good for everyone around her. She's like a spastic ray of sunshine... but a handful at times)

Pairing that should become canon - Emiya Shirou x Saber (Fate Stay Night). Because the whole "Shirou! Saber!" routine still gives me migraines. So they should just hook up, get laid, and /get it out of their systems/.

pairing that should never have happened / should never happen - Hitsugaya Toushirou x Hinamori Momo. Or anyone with Hinamori, for that matter. That chick is bland. her motivations have no real logical, emotional or cognitive basis, and she plain sux. (heartfelt, half-objective opinion)

best mysterious character - Between Urahara, Seimei, Ritsu-sensei and Nisei, who /am/ I going to choose?! Urahara, definitely. Because he's loveable, and too intelligent to ever fully reveal his motives (motives aside, his means are simply cool!)

And as they say, that was that was that. It would be neat if senpai would like to do this too (provided she has time enough and has had her fascination perked by this. You can leave aside all the sillier categories :P). Till next year...

The rule of 500

2008-01-17T09:58:00.000+01:00

A smart guy and all-around brilliant author once said that the reason why we might think that "the world is small" is because the world is actually split into groups of around 500 people who (more or less) have some sort of connection with each-other.

From this view stems the concept of "mutual friends", of "old acquaintances popping up when you least expect them", of "familiar faces".

I wonder if this is really true. If, no matter how hard I try, I (or any social animal) will never surpass the ceiling of the 500 rule. And what happens between those groups? Do they intermingle through person X of group A and person Y of group B, who know each-other? SO, shouldn't that somehow make it "the rule of multiples of 500"? Must they always be 500? What happens if you're a complete introvert - can you then count practically anyone you ever had a more sustained interaction with, like the downstairs neighbour whom you constantly flood, or the lady at the corner store? And if they count for introverts, then they should count for everyone - but in the case of extroverts, that count would surely surpass 500, right?

On the other hand... does anyone know that really weird-ass group of little old men and women who haunt Bucharest's more-or-less-cultural-but-certainly-always-free events? I had a run-in with them at the ceremony organized last year by the Nipponica Foundation for Japan's national day. It was like... whoa! (:)), I'm being articulate). The room was half-full of the parents of the kiddies who were there to demonstrate aikido, and the other half of the spectators were these almost-fancy-looking-with-a-sprinkle-of-"moth-eaten" little geezers. There was even this chick (she must have been over 65) who had a bleedin' /list/ of free and cultural activities that were taking place in the following period. They were greeting each-other like old friends, enquiring about missing acquaintances or about events. I can't really say what struck me as freakish about them. In a sense, it was cool, but... whatever gave me the idea they were like a little organized mafia group?

And also related (both to the small world concept and to the freaky old people chapter), I wonder if there was a time, within living memory, when Bucharest /was/ a small world. When everyone really did know everyone - well, more or less, of course. (And it leads me to wonder what prompted the "more or less" clarification - are we really carrying the 500-rule in our subconscious? Pff, that'd be funny.) Two geezers were having a heartfelt reunion in the bus last night. And they were talking as if they hadn't seen each-other in /years/. So how did they know each-other? Did they go to war together? Did they frequent the same beer-house in the interbelica period? What /is/ it about old people? Even my anti-social grandmother knows half of her neighbourhood, and she lives in the biggest sector of the bloomin capital.

Concluziile unui semestru de japoneza

2008-01-17T09:57:00.000+01:00

Bunica mea este un taitel, dar eu nu sunt un pantof, eu sunt om.

"If I ordered you to kill me..."

2008-01-14T09:32:00.000+01:00

The new year has begun in a flurry, and I can't believe that only 2 weeks have passed since I was playing with a kitten in Vama Veche.

I'll be going to the Czech Republic in February. I'll be going to Cluj during the one-week holiday. I'll be running away from life, as per usual. The end-of-school project is looming, but I couldn't care less. I should be ashamed of myself, but I'm feeling weak-willed and complacent. Pfff... whatever, right?

There's days when my obsession pulls me closer than usual, when I feel I can't look at anything else, or do anything else. Because I should have known what I was getting myself into, but I gloriously failed to address the problem. Remember, this is my poultice, but it's also becoming my drug.

The idea that one day I'll just wake up and find myself removed from this world that I cherish so much almost makes me have an anxiety attack. Because I'm as resistant to change as Saban, and because when I meet Camaban-like people, who have the vision and the will-power to change the world, I get scared of them. I suppose that the Nakahara Sunako metaphore is perfectly appliable. So you've gotten hurt. Why keep trying, when you can give it all up and dwell in darkness all alone?

But my radiant creature would probably smack me upside the head for those thoughts :)

making memories / i don't understand

2007-11-26T17:44:00.000+01:00

I'm tired and it's becoming harder for me to switch my mental gears between the things I'm doing. And I feel this something pressing down on me, and choking me a little. I'm also a bit confused.

There's a big debate on which the real Seimei is: Ritsuka's or Soubi's. And I'm left to wonder if they can't both be the real one. Why can't a person act different with different persons. Why must you always be the same? Is there something to gain from that? Is there integrity to be found at the end of that road? Am I wrong to be a chameleon and ply myself on each of my loved ones' personality? Why can't Seimei be a sadistic bastard who just loves the one fragile and delicate thing in his life?

I feel a bit lost. I'd like a hug on a couch and a cup of hot tea. I'd like to understand why I feel like a sieve, and why all the seconds that are passing through me hurt like this. I'd like to know why I got that premonition on Friday, and if it really is based on something real.

My birthday passed but it didn't feel like my day at all. Not this time, either. The winter holidays are coming, and I need a new obsession to keep myself busy for the month, especially since I am devouring my current one a bit recklessly.

This year was a busy one. Hungary - Bulgaria - Holland - Greece - Prague - Sweden - Hungary - mountains - sea-side. Pfff, I need to gain a better sense of self-awareness, because I've come to a point where I'm looking at myself from the inside and thinking it's not me I'm seeing. I think it's finally time I got to know myself as I should. Procrastination ends... tomorrow /:)

Hypocrisy

2007-11-15T14:11:00.000+01:00

Soubi leaned against the stone wall and allowed himself the luxury of a cigarette. He had been trying to quit for the past month, faithfully following the wish of his Sacrifice, but it wasn't going well. The face of an annoyed Ritsuka grounding a lit cigarette with full force ranked higher on Soubi's priority list than evading lung cancer.

He looked up at the sky and sighed. He'd almost dug a Soubi-shaped depression into the grey stone of Ritsuka's school fence, waiting there day after day. Sometimes he was allowed to take the boy by the hand and lead him into a private wonderland, but more often than not he just got yelled at. Life was a gamble, and even Soubi was allowed his vices.

His gaze travelled downwards again, and across the street, towards the movie theatre that was sporting its usually cheerful banners. Fewer people were walking about today, and Soubi let his eyes linger on the appallingly designed adverts. Amateurs... He was almost startled when a figure partially blocked out his view, all grubby clothes and lank hair. He knew the beggar, had seen his small, bent form before, arriving at his begging hole and milling around for a bit before settling down. For some reason, the man made a point of staring at all the cinema banners, giving them his undivided attention for minutes at a time, and Soubi couldn't help but wonder why.

It gave him something to think about today, as well. Maybe this is all he can do. Look at the posters, since he knows he will never see the movies. Maybe it's the highlight of his day, when a new banner appears. What a way to lie to yourself... He put out the cigarette, his attention focusing on looking innocent for Ritsuka's benefit. He felt his pulse count the minutes between the ringing of the school bell and the boy's arrival, and half-turned to greet him.

He recognized Ritsuka's dark hair in the crowd, and imagined he could hear the boy laughing at something Yuiko was chattering about. Soubi's shoulders drooped slightly, but his head was still held despondently high. He had no right to feel superior to that beggar. All he was doing was watching from the outside. Will it ever come, the day when he will be allowed into the warmth of Ritsuka's smile?

Days, the conclusion of

2007-11-15T14:08:00.000+01:00

Owari da.

Finally.

:)

All the stories are Anansi's

2007-10-09T17:28:00.000+02:00

I promised myself I'd never write about the books I read. Though registering on Shelfari and listing most of the books I love has certainly brought me one step closer to that. But I still don't feel ready. Just like I can't really write about concerts, or songs. They're engraved, they're remembered and they become a part of me, but I can't externalized that part once it's been properly assimilated.

However, this book, this author completely upended everything. I love this passage, as much as I love Benjamin's 34-paged confession. Here goes the story of Anansi, he to whom all stories belong.

"When I say Tiger, you got to understand it's not just the stripy cat, the India one. It's just what people call big cats - the pumas and the bobcats and the jaguars and all of them.

"A long time ago, Tiger had the stories. All the stories that ever were was Tiger stories, all the songs were Tiger songs, and I'd say that all the jokes were Tiger jokes, but there weren't no jokes told back in the Tiger days. In Tiger stories all that matters is how strong your teeth are, how you hunt and how you kill. Ain't no gentleness in Tiger stories, no tricksiness, and no peace."

Maeve tried to imagine what kind of stories a big cat might tell. "So were they violent?"

"Sometimes. But mostly what they was, was bad. When all the stories and the songs were Tiger's, that was a bad time for everyone. People take on the shapes of the songs and the stories that surround them, especially if they don't have their own song. And in Tiger times all the songs were dark. They began in tears, and they'd end in blood, and they were the only stories that the people of this world knew.

"Then Anansi comes along. If I started to tell you how clever and how handsome and how charming and how cunning Anansi was, I could start today and not finish until next Thursday.

"Anansi won the stories - won them? No. He earned them. He took them from Tiger, and he made it so Tiger couldn't enter the real world no more. Not in the flesh. The stories people told became Anansi stories. This was, what, ten, fifteen thousand years back.

"Now, Anansi stories, they have wit and trickery and wisdom. Now, all over the world, all of the people they aren't just thinking of hunting and being hunted anymore. Now they're starting to think their way out of problems - sometimes thinking their way into worse problems. They still need to keep thei bellies full, but now they're trying to figurer out how to do it without working - and that's the point where people start using their heads. Some people think the first tools were weapons, but that's all upside down. First of all, people figure out tools. Because now people are telling Anansi stories, and they're starting to think about how to get kissed, how to get something for nothing by being smarter or funnier. That's when they start to make the world."

"It's just a folk story," she said. "People made up the stories in the first place."

"Does that change things?" asked the old man. "Maybe Anansi's just some guy from a story, amde up back in Africa in the dawn days of the world by some boy with blackfly on his leg, pushing his crutch in the dirt, making up some goofy story about a man made of tar. Does that change anything? People respond to the stories. They tell them themselves. The stories spread, and as people tell them, the stories change the tellers."

The notebook

2007-10-09T17:16:00.000+02:00

I just saw this movie, this... movie. As per usual, I don't feel I could do it justice. A bit too tras-de-par, but the message of it appealed to the very core of my fangirly soul.

What must it feel like, to still be in love with the love of your life, even when you're old, even when you can't remember who you are anymore? What must it be like to look lovingly at the other and wonder who will go first, and what you could possibly do to fill that void, should it be him?

The notebook is one of them movies. Pffff, maybe I'm just growing old and dull.

I should be sleeping...

2007-09-25T23:37:00.000+02:00

...but I'm a sucker for coincidences, and I've just dug up something in the dark well of lost plots that is my computer. So here's in eager expectation of October 6th. Because I can. And because I have and I am. And because I can't find you on the internet as of today, so this is the third fact that adds to the coincidence. Myeah, I'm not making much sense, but I don't really care, it's late and I'm sleepy. Those who love this band will understand why some of the words in the following text seem odd :).

Amusing Muse

Newborn sun stuck up in the sky
Falling away in a haze of dew
Sunburn on my forehead and I wonder why
I feel like I’m falling away with you

Never wanted your rays, but I see them
Please hate this and I’ll love you
Unintended light upon the muscle museum
The world in which there’s just us two

Life and feelings ruled by secrecy
Micro cuts along the way
I’d burn it all but I’d be charged with larceny
And we’d never live to see today

Showbiz acts forced into my head
Megalomania has reached its peak
Screenager, youth with a heart of lead
The only light in a landscape so bleak

Butterflies and hurricanes endlessly shine
Singing for absolution without remorse
Recess in school, a flash on Time’s shrine
And Time deviates out of its course

Out of the light the dark shines through,
Blackout in thought without a doubt
And a voice in my head whispers anew
What I already know: time is running out time is running out time is running out

What have you done now?

2007-09-20T09:51:00.000+02:00

How could you fall in love with someone so completely, so carelessly, so beyond the point of sanity and into the realm of dependence? How can a smile do that to you, how can a smile with its corners turning slightly downwards twist your heart like that? You should be worried, worried about the position you have so casually placed yourself in. When you are not your own, but belong like this to someone else, isn't it like you're practically begging for harm? Or could it be that you're begging for happiness? What can be said about you when you have put all the obstacles aside, and have learned to lean into a kiss, or a caress, without seat-belt?

You are your own self, true enough, and no matter what, no matter who or what will ever threaten you, I will always be there to defend you. Time to notice that there is no other.

High and mighty color - Ichirin no hana

________________________________________________________________

How could you fall in love with someone of your own gender, so faithfully and warmly and completely? How can you sit on a bus, late one night, and let the realization hit you, together with a smile when you think of her smile, of her friendship, of her warmth and dreaminess? Because you dream together, because you share things and are made different by things, because of her unassuming demeanour that you like so much, because of the fear that you will lose her like you have all the others, and your subsequent determination to make it last, or at least make it feel good. Because she has opened doors and opened her soul, and sometimes you just want to hold her, and wave all her worries away, or slap her heartily on the back for all the things she achieves. Because sometimes it's annoying that you aren't both male, so that such monkey-like behaviour will truly be interpreted as the ultimate oath of friendship-ever-after.

Dry your eyes and quietly bear this pain with pride, for heaven shall remember the silent and the brave. And promise me they will never see the fear within our eyes (my eyes are closed). We will give strength to those who still remain.

Cruxshadows - Winterborn

________________________________________________________________

How could you fall in love with a whole group of people? With them as group and with each of them separately, to the point where you walk down the street and smile when you think of them, to the point where your pulse accelerates when you start making plans for them, to the point where no matter how tired or sore, a few hours with them will keep you going for the rest of the week. Because they are beautiful, intelligent, special. Because they move in a world of warmth and crooked smiles, a world that heals and makes one dream. Because the dreams of those with good hearts can change the air around them and warp reality untill you are under the impression that everyone around you can kick ass so profusely.

Starlight, I will be chasing the starlight until the end of my life.I don't know if it's worth it anymore [...] And I'll never let you go if you promise not to fade away, never fade away

Muse - Starlight

________________________________________________________________

How could you fall in love with something innanimate to this extent? To the extent that it haunts your dreams and commands your waking hours? Of course this fascination is half-due to the hours upon hours of zero-activity that the holidays entail, but it has gone far beyond that, and you know it. Because this fascination is so delicious and sensual, so sweeping and playful and full of feelings that an average human such as yourself can only find this way. Because those people are beautiful, and extraordinary in every respect, because they do not live and breathe, but they make you breathe a little quicker, or live a little... faster? Because it's all like an avalanche, like a soft tune bouncing off the water and creating ripples by sheer force of will. Because they color dreams and imagination, make you laugh, cry, sigh, kyaa & squee, punch the air, growl in frustration, and quiver a bit at the idea that even this will have an end, somewhere, so you should just milk it for all it's got. Now!

Cigarettes and chocolate milk / These are just a couple of my cravings / Everything it seems I likes a little bit stronger / A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me

Rufus Wainwright - Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

________________________________________________________________

For all the things you love, you still cannot fall in love with yourself. You are a disappointment. How can you not forgive yourself enough to love and understand yourself? Perhaps because you know you will never deserve that love, no matter what you do? Yeees, that seems a plausible enough reason...

Anna Rose it makes my heart smile
to know you give love so freely
Anna Rose it makes it worthwhile
your love makes me see things so clearly
how it grows heaven knows
Anna Rose sleep well tonight

Days

2007-09-10T10:49:00.001+02:00

Time passes, because that is the only thing it knows how to do. I remember the way I loved you, and the way you smiled. And I remember walking and sitting and sometimes I feel that the stones in the city have more memories of you than me. And you know I dream of you at night, and I wake up rattled and scared, because in the dream everything was as it should be, and you were there, walking and laughing and speaking to me. I remember and I forget, and you're always there except for when you aren't. I want to move past the need to search for you everywhere, because all I find is memories and ghosts. Ghosts of Greenhours and Piata Amzei, and of the streets around the Mall, ghosts of the sea and the mountains, of forests in the morning and I can't find myself in you, because you aren't here anymore. The only place I can find you in isn't like you. It's cold and sad and lonely - only bugs, and the lake, and unrelenting sun, and your grave. But I know you aren't cold when it rains, and that you're laughing at the first snow of the year, when I'm walking through the streets far away and willing a snowflake to prove that you're still thinking of me. Are you watching over all the people who knew you and who loved you so much, or are you really gone? I'll forever hate that blasted sea, and myself for failing you, and whenever I go into my room the first thing I see is the drawings, and I remember the bird on your wall, and the smell of your skin, and I think I'm kidding myself. I have no right to write this. I just hope I'll dream of you yet another night.

The tale of Finn McCool

2007-06-27T14:45:00.000+02:00

Once upon a time, long long ago, a large and powerful giant lived on the Northernmost tip of Northern Ireland. His name was Finn McCool.

He lived his life peacefully, or at least insofar as a large, powerful giant could. But one day, he learned that another giant lived, somewhere not far away; in Scotland, to be precise. Of course, McCool wanted to prove that he was the better of the two, so he set about building a pathway all the way to Scotland, bent on confronting his rival.

However, when he got there and started asking around, McCool was amazed to learn that his would-be rival was actually twice his own size! So he took to his heels and ran, along the pathway he had built, all the way home, with the Scottish behemoth hot in pursuit.

When Finn reached home, with only moments to spare, he did the only sensible thing: he asked his wife for help. The intelligent she-giant told Finn to quickly put on some baby clothes get into the baby's cot, so that when the Scot arrived, he only found a mother and her child, waiting for the father to come home. Mrs. McCool invited him to stay and wait for her husband to come home, but the larger giant was so scared when he saw the size of the "baby", that he had no wish to stick around and see how large the father was.

He ran madly all the way back to Scotland, breaking up the pathway as he went along, so that there could be no pursuit. Finn McCool and his resourceful wife lived happily ever after.

This is how this miracle of nature came to be, and why it still exists, both in Scotland and Northern Ireland.

I want to see the Giant's Causeway one day...

The seat of Queen Mary's heart

2007-06-07T21:22:00.001+02:00

seara cand ne-am jucat de-a adultii

2007-06-07T21:03:00.000+02:00

M-am dat pe anime ost & Jrock, and I'm sitting here like a balegutza, letting shivers run down my spine.

It's weird how these songs can remind me of things that never happened, but could have. That's not quite right. Of small things that happened repetitively, until they stopped being things and turned into a general atmosphere. Like waking up before dawn and finding my grandad drinking his coffee with my mum. Like not being able to say "r". And going to the park. And losing every goddamn plushie I ever had there. Heh.

Festivalul fu si trecu. Si ma lasa cu sentimente mixate, so to speak.

A fost un moment ca un fluture. Colorat si vesel, care a batut mult prea repede din aripi dar a lasat, macar pentru un moment, lumea mirosind a polen si a ploaie. Si a foccacia feta.

Tane Tomoko - Let me hear (Strings version)
Yoriko - Daia no hana

De fapt, despre altceva voiam sa aberez aici. Dar ma simt incapabila. Poate pozele (cand si daca or sa apara vreodata si pe ulita lemmingeasca) or sa descrie mai corect ce am facut/simtit in seara de 26 mai. Cand toti colegii mei de munca asiduu..ua party-uiau la Motoare, si pe urma in Utopia, eu ma dantuiam la CMA. Si imi amintesc ca eram amandoi frumosi, ca radeam mult, ca beam putin si fumam pe furis. Ca ne invarteam pe acolo ca un titirez kaki-cu-negru si cu varful rosu (heh, carrot-top), ca ameteam si gaseam siguranta in curba umarului cu gatul, ca era lumina si muzica si ca ne tot roteam.

I felt safe. And loved, needless to say. Accepted, in a deeper way, somehow confirmed, as person. Or at least as persona. And I felt very... expected. Baka, I can't find my words. I felt as if everyone expected it to be that way, that we're here, at this moment in time, and no one expects us to be anywhere else. This feels good.

Sushiville

2007-05-06T12:18:00.000+02:00

Salut domnule castor! Nu vrei un senvici cu hochland?

Si uite-asa se urca, si pe urma se coboraaaaa.... Si lemmingu ameteaaaaa

Daca pleeeeci, iaaaaaa-mi si mie un iPooooood.....

Mi-am aruncat privirea pe un stalp, si s-a lipit acolo. Si p-orma i-a cazut ochiul ;)

bunicule, finalgonul!

2007-05-05T19:37:00.000+02:00

There's so much pain around me... It's like an unhealed wound that I can see bleeding. People who hurt, people who hurt themselves, innocent, all of them, because, in the end, too few people really deserve what happens to them.

There was no fussing when I hurt. There's only that all-around agreement to "act normally, ignore the problem, she'll get over it". And I suppose I do. But I also want to do what I can for others, so they don't get to feel that algocalmin-la-fiola taste in their mouth. Even if, sometimes, they don't want me to.

What can I do? I suck at giving advice, but that doesn't sometimes prevent me from doing so anyway. But mostly... I kid around. I play a role, so that people will, at least for a little while, forget what's troubling them, go back to brooding with an uncreased forehead, perhaps figure themselves out. It hurts me to know that someone's dad died, that someone else was not old enough to ever have met his, that someone is dying, that someone else is trying not to, that someone's dad is a violent alcoholic. That shit happens by the bucketfull. We really should profit from every time a bird poops on us (has been happening a lot lately :D) to remember that time-honoured philosophy of "luckily, cows don't fly".

As an afterthought, I wish that people would STOP taking my sunny disposition for granted and be personally offended when I'm sick/tired/with problems/PMS-ing/just not in the mood. It happens so rarely, anyway... I wish there was someone doing for me what I try to do for the ones I love. Probably this is the real reason I do it, after all. We're narcissists, all of us. :|

jocul de-a m-am ascuns

2007-05-05T19:22:00.000+02:00

I don't really have a lot of memories from back then. Fragmented images, yes. But no sound, no ".avi files". And yet one hit me the other day, and it was like running into an old friend in the street, one that you haven't seen in a while, but you're delighted, nonetheless, for no reason at all.

I remember a trust exercice we used to play. Holding hands while we walked through the city, walked aimlessly or to a pre-established location. It didn't matter much. One of us would close our eyes, and the other would lead by the hand.

I remember him talking, aimlessly, idly, about future plans, or recent events, books and movies and adventures. I remember the buzz of traffic and people. The dents in the asphalt, treacherously negotiated, with silly giggles ensuing.

I remember me leading, sometimes not talking, just enjoying the feeling it gave, walking hand-in-hand. We must have looked so odd, two kids, one with eyes closed.

I never did care about how odd I looked living my life. If only there was a camera, to record those times, those long before, those to come. Some viewing that'd make...

No, the picture has nothing to do with it. "Oriunde ne ducem, lumea ne intreaba..."

constipatie sociala

2007-04-29T10:13:00.000+02:00

Trece vremea si se scurg zilele peste mine, si ma simt ca un somon care incearca sa inoate upstream. Voiam de mult sa mai scriu aici, dar de fiecare data cand zic "hai!", trebuie obligatoriu sa se intample ceva. Deci ce mai e nou pe frontul de est?

Pai acum doua saptamani, frontul de est s-a mutat in vest, la Budapesta. Am mers cu masina pana ne-au sarit capacele, prin Sibiu, Deva (zzzzzz....) si apoi, intr-un final apoteotic si cu multi draci, insasi capitala ungureasca. Mi-e greu sa spun ce anume parere mi-am facut despre acest oras. Poate daca nu ar fi fost totul atat de perfect, m-ar fi impresionat mai putin. Asa, fiind prima excursie non-estivala pe care o intreprind cu tp, imi va ramane in memorie for ever and ever and ever... Hotelul era un micutz jeg, dar plasat asa de bine incat i s-au iertat multe. O camera alba, cu doua paturi alaturate, incomode prin stinghia care ne despartea, o baie care mirosea a sulf, un balcon pe care s-a fumat mult... Mic dejun cu jumari cum numai ungurii pot sa faca, bucatele de grasime pura, atat de bine prajite incat pana si lemmingul le-a mancat cu placere. Cel mai dragut metrou pe care l-am vazut, micut si cu cateva vagonase, ca trenuletul care facea, odata demult, inconjurul parcului copiilor. O strada linistita, cu ambasade, langa una cosmopolita, cu un restaurant cu sushi care ne-a ametit stomacul de placere doua zile la rand. Cheiul si cetatea, luminate frumos, puree de castane, langosi cu usturoi, dragostea de budapesta care trece prin stomac. parcuri imense cu copilasi, catei si inghetata, muzee pe langa care am trecut veseli si insolenti, dar mai ales, si mai ales... zambete si tinut de mana, si glume idioate, si vorbit in germana ca sa uite lemmingul de anumite infirmitati, si multa multa bucurie, cand am descoperit impreuna un oras. Cred ca asta a fost, de fapt, magia acestei excursii. Bucuria impartasita a descoperirii.

Si mai presus de asta... CONCERTUL. Un club dubios, intr-un cartier si mai si, de nu ne dadeam seama daca aia e intrarea principala sau nu. Doua ore de asteptat afara, cu alti douazeci-or-so de rocarashi maghiari care pareau cam plouati. Pai cum, udne e masa aia incredibila de oameni care a terminat biletele la trei zile de la punerea lor in vanzare?! Aveau si ei sa vina. Intre timp, la 8 fix ni s-a permis intrarea in ceea ce tp ma asigura ca este un adevarat templu al concertelor moderne de rockcoae. WigWam-ul m-a impresionat, ce-i drept. Mare cat Baza Militara (RIP), dar mult mai cu cap facut, cu o scena de n-a vazut lemmingu decat la sala palatului, cu doua baruri cu bere ieftina ca aia din utopia, dar cu trei clase peste cacalitate. "n00bi" si "suparati", straini cat de cat, vreo doua grupulete de romani. Multi copii (si cand zic copii, vreau sa zic 10-12 ani), cu parinti/frati, multi oameni maturi (35+). Si multa nesimteala. Nu ai voie cu camera. Nici cu aparatul foto. Nu ai ce merchandise sa cumperi. Dar ia aici un cd cu o melodie de pe albumul care o sa apara el candva in cursul anului. Mda... s-ar parea ca mioriticismul se ia.

Concertul... m-a cutremurat, atat fizic, cand au inceput tobele si basii, cat si pisichic, cand m-am trezit la doi pasi de neshte oameni care face o muzica, frate.... Leave's Eyes au fost o surpriza placuta, cu al lor Alex care si-a castigat un loc in inima mea, cu parul lung si blond si zambetul copilaresc cand toata sala scanda dupa el "hey-hey". de aici si vorba: when in doubt, go "hey hey hey" :D. S-au auzit bine live, mult mai bine decat am putea noi sa speram vreodata, caci sonorizarea romaneasca mai are secole multe de parcurs. Miscare scenica impresionanta, un public care i-a primit cu caldura, un bassist pseudo-roman cam bulversat, pene si apa minerala aruncata in public. O ora de incantare si, daca inchideai ochii, sau macar ti-i atinteai pe Alex, simteai ca esti pe malul marii nordului, privind un sat intreg de vikingi care urmau sa brave the cold ocean waters, discover new lands and rule the world.

Apoi... 45 de minute de pauza, de ameteala, si nici nu mi-am dat seama cand a aparut nenea youngblood pe scena. Din acel moment si pana cand m-am trezit din hipnoza si l-am tras pe tp dupa mine, parca nici nu mai stiu ce s-a intamplat. Amintiri fragmentate, cu picuri de sudoare sarind din barbutza lui khan, cu simonica, cu o sala de aprox. 1000 de oameni care cantau toate versurile. cu solo-uri la toate instrumentele, care ne-au lasati mesmerized. cu multa dragoste pentru o muzica care ma vrajeste si ma misca, si ma joaca cum vrea ea.

Aceasta a fost "marea aventura a porcusorului de lemming", care a calatorit 900 de kilometri ca sa vada niste kameloti care, intr-o ora si un pic, au facut lumea sa para mai frumoasa. restecpa, oameni buni.

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week-endul trecut, munte cu impactul. 7 ore de mers cu autocarul, cocotat pe niste serpentine ametitoare. oameni frumosi, ras mult, mafia, lupi pufosi, urcat munte prin zapada care ne ajungea pana la genunchi, o tabara unde imi doresc sa revin. copii care mi-au cazut cu tronc, care m-au scos din fumurile si pretentiile pe care nici nu observasem ca le am. dragoste multa pentru oameni, in general.

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peste doua weekenduri, mare cu impactul. :)) nu cred ca ma crede cineva cand zic ca plecarile astea sunt in interes de servici. lemmingul se maturizeaza si emancipeaza... bullshite! imi doresc sa fiu mereu asa de fericita, si sa ma simt asa de implinita ca acum. imi doresc ca publicul sa fie mereu asa de primitor cum a fost la ultimele piese de tf, daca nu mai mult de atat. imi doresc sa vina sute de oameni la festival, sa ne facem auziti si intelesi si sa dobandim ceea ce cautam din partea celor din jur: sa le pese. sa se implice. sa arate ca nu sunt in viata degeaba. pentru ca altfel, ar fi prea mult de suportat, gandul ca cei carora le pasa dispar prea repede, iar cei care nu se agita de nici un fel traiesc fericiti in locul lor. viva la revolucion! sau, cu alte cuvinte: ESTI SPECTATOR? FA, NAIBII, CEVA. IA ARTITUDINE!

Vis

2007-04-16T18:06:00.000+02:00

Copilul iesi pe usa din dos si se uita cu grija in curte. Latra un caine. Soarele cadea pe asfaltul gri si se topea in indiferenta pietrei si se ridica din nou deasupra copilului, luminandu-l. Parintii nu erau acasa. Bun. Sa cautam gaura din gard, gaura spre fericire. Cainele nu mai latra, nici soarele nu se mai topea infinit pe asfaltul din curte; il acoperise un nor.

Copilul zambea in timp ce se strecura spre libertate. Am studiat James Joyce la scoala. De unde stiam eu ca pe Parnell il chema Charles? Unde eram eu in 1891? Dar nu, e doar o poveste. Eu nu merg la scoala. Eu nu il citesc pe Joyce, eu nu citesc, eu sunt un copil. Eu vreau sa fug, sa ma joc.

Nu mai zambea cand incepu sa urce scarile de piatra. Soarele renuntase sa se mai topeasca pe asfalt si ii inunda ochii cu lumina alba. Unde sunt ceilalti? De ce e atata liniste in jur? Ii rasunau pasii pe caldaram si era liniste. Se opri si isi ridica privirea albastra spre albastrul cerului, iar culorile se oglindira una intr-alta. Albastru. Totul se pierdu in lumina. Copilul incepu sa alerge, cu mainile intinse, spre fericire… un parc, un camp de iarba fara copaci, pe un piedestal gri, iar la orizont – tacere. Parcul se intindea la infinit, si dincolo, strapungea intunericul misterului cu soarele lui varatic, si mai departe, intr-un alt timp prezent, un prezent mai altfel.

Unde sunt ceilalti? Tot nu au venit. Ma surprinde, nu le sta in fire sa intarzie la zilnicul joc de sotron… o minge se rostogoleste la picioarele copilului, apoi o umbra, fara culoare dar plina de viata, urmata de altele. Ce bine ca ati venit. Hai sa ne jucam. Hai sa evadam.

Soarele isi urmeaza, plictisit, traseul zilnic. Copiii isi urmeaza si ei visul zilnic, in care canta si zboara si se joaca printre razele soarelui. Bomboane, codite si jucarii… vise de copil. Fac ce au facut si ieri, si saptamana trecuta, si acum un an. Dar maine? E o alta poveste, maine o luam de la inceput.

Copilul ofteaza in timp ce coboara scarile spre casa. Fundamentul de ciment si iarba parcului raman in urma si soarele ii lumineaza spatele, proiectandu-i umbra la picioare. Gaura din gard il asteapta si parca il mustruluieste cu sipcile-i verzi de lemn, desprinse din cuiele lor. Ai intarziat. Nu ma mai certa, e viata mea. Copile, viata nu-ti apartine, e a lumii, si lumea nu iarta.

Intunericul cade, cainele inca mai latra. Usa se deschide si in camera se revarsa glasul cald al mamei si lumina calda a veiozei. Copilul zambeste si adoarme, leganat de vise, vise de copil.

Copilul iesi din casa pe usa din dos si se uita cu grija in curte. Latra un caine. Cerul intunecat de vata impiedica soarele sa se reverse pe caldaram. Lumina gri invaluia copilul cu tristete. Astazi umbra mea nu va mai juca sotron. Dar eu? Iesirea din gard asteapta. Libertate, strig, si cainele incepe sa latre mai puternic. Sunetul vocii se pierde intre sipcile verzi, si ma incearca un sentiment de spaima. Ce e dincolo de gard? De parca n-as sti! Parcul, prietenii, mingea, infinitul, lumina, misterul. Lumea nu iarta, copile. Astazi gaura nu imi mai sopteste nimic. Te-ai suparat? Nu-mi raspunde.

Alerg pe treptele de piatra. Ma opresc si imi ridic privirea innegurata spre negura cerului si il vad oglindindu-se in mine. Totul se pierde in intuneric. Parcul e pustiu. Iar au intarziat, zau asa… privesc in departare si vad o umbra care sare coarda. Prietenii mei! Alerg catre ea, dar cand o ajung se disperseaza ca un fum. Stai putin, strig, si nu-mi aud vocea. Privesc in jur si mi se pare ceva ciudat. E aceeasi iarba… imi privesc mainile, si ceva parca nu se potriveste. Aud rasete in urma mea, ma intorc, dar vocile raman cu obstinatie undeva in spate… ma trezesc in mijlocul parcului, nu e nimeni… ba da, a aparut soarele, mai puternic si mai aproape ca niciodata. Cerul se micsoreaza si lumea odata cu el, in timp ce fundamentul de ciment goneste spre intuneric. O umbra cu codite si pantaloni scurti se apropie de mine, cu mainile in buzunare. Ce cauti aici? Imi caut prietenii. Ei sunt lumea mea. Nu, tu esti al lumii, si lumea nu iarta. Dar ei… Au murit. Au rezistat si asa mai mult decat de obicei. Incerc sa ii vad fata, dar umbra ramane umbra. Incerc sa ma dau inapoi, dar ma lovesc de sipcile verzi ale gardului. Imi privesc mainile care nu par ale mele, apoi silueta mica din fata mea. Incep sa realizez ce se intampla. Sunt doar un copil, mai incerc sa ingaim. Nu mai esti. Trezeste-te, lumea ta a murit. Acum tu apartii lumii. Ma trezesc, intr-adevar, si afara e intuneric si noapte. A fost un vis, doar un vis, un vis de copil. Dar a fost ultimul.

now that's not right... is it?

2007-04-11T11:19:00.000+02:00

You Are Wind

Strong and overpowering
A force to be reckoned with, no one dares cross you
You have the power to change everything around you

You are best known for: your wrath

Your dominant state: commanding

What Type of Weather Are You?

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What Your Hands Say About You

You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills.

Flexible and broad minded, you can fit in to any situation. There's no telling where your life will take you.

Practical and down to earth, you're a doer not a dreamer. You rather get something done than think about it all day.

Your emotions tend to be nervous and potent. Your energy - both positive and negative - deeply impacts your life.

What Do Your Hands Say About You?

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The Part of You That No One Sees

You are lively, dramatic, and flamboyant.
You have an outrageous personality...
And you secretly resent anyone who makes you tone it down.

Underneath it all, you are driven by your need for attention and acceptance.
You need to feel special at all times.
You are secretly jealous and occasionally insecure.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

cre ca m-au tembelizat quizz-urile

2007-04-11T11:18:00.000+02:00

... ce fac doua zile de vacanta din om...

Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner.
For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience.

You attract others with wit and a bit of flash.
Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you.

Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life.
You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past.

You connect best with: Earth

Avoid: Fire

You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other

What Element Is Your Love?

i'm a phoenix baby, so why don't you kill me?

2007-04-11T11:12:00.001+02:00

You Are a Phoenix

Driven and ambitious, you tend to acquire material success easily.
You have grand schemes - both for your own life and for changing the whole world.
You are a great leader, and you have no problem taking the reigns.
However, you aren't all business. You also have great talents for performing and visual arts.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

mortzishor

2007-03-31T17:32:00.000+02:00

take 1
Mi-a dat un martisor!!! Deci, chiar mi-a dat un martisor. Te pomenesti ca s-a gandit la mine, ca s-a gandit ca o sa ma duc azi pe la ea, si mi-a cumparat si mie unul. Mi-l pun in piept, si spun la toata lumea ca e de la ea.

FFW 4 years: Probabil ca a "reciclat" unul primit de la altcineva...

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take 2

Mi-a dat un martisor! Bine, mai mult ca sigur ca e unul pe care l-a primit de la altcineva, poate primul pe care a pus mana, dar nu conteaza, ar fi putut sa se faca ca ploua. Chiar nu conteaza ca mi l-a pus in brate de parca se bucura ca mai scapa de bagajul cu care ar fi trebuit sa se care seara acasa. Vai, ce om super e.

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take 3

Mi-a dat un martisor. Ce sa-ti spun, de parca asta ar trebui sa insemne ceva. Daca se chinuia, daca petrecea 3 minute in fata tarabei gandidu-se ce mi-o placea, ce mi s-o potrivi, mai intelegeam. Pentru celelalte sigur a facut asa. She can go stuff herself with her martzishoare. Fat stupid cow who pretends she cares.

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take 4

Mda... martisor de la ea... ce... dragut. Whatever, il bag in geanta, acasa ma mai uit odata la el, oricum o sa dispara in abisul cutiei de pantofi in care dispar toate suratele. Still, I suppose I should put it in an envelope with her name on it, in a couple of years' time I prolly won't believe she actually bothered.

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All of them me. None of them right, no matter which way you choose to look at it. I'm pulled by gravitation, and I gravitate willingly. I let myself be chewed up and spit out, and the saddest thing is that sometimes, my first reaction is still to feel honoured. I don't even make a colorful enough catch to attract attention, just like all the krill ingested by a blue whale.

I'm me, and that's the most I'll ever be. That's not resignation. The thing that pisses me off, sometimes, is, that for some people, it's not glamorous enough. That's not exactly the bit that pisses me off. It's the fact that I still let it bother me. When will I ever learn? What has to happen, in order for me to be happy with me?

:)) man, these quizzes...

2007-03-28T20:40:00.000+02:00

...have something against me. They keep insisting I'm evil...

I got an Evil Rating of 89 and got the job!

Are you evil enough to get a job too?

defensive

2007-03-28T20:09:00.000+02:00

Dupa doua zile petrecute in compania unei febre care credeam ca o sa ma termine cu totul, ma simt suficient de introspectiva ca sa mai bat campii pe aici.
Deci ce a fost vineri? Vineri a fost o zi cu adevarat calda, in sensul acela al cuvantului. Am plecat ca tuta cu 2 ore mai devreme de acasa, pentru ca imi asumasem, mushchetareshte, sarcina de a cumpara 100 de covrigi - din aia, brasoveni cred ca le zice, cu sare si mac, pentru piesa copilasilor de la SC. Desigur, neuronul lemmingului nici nu avea cum sa envizageze ca 100 de covrigi se fac in 10 minute, nu intr-o ora si jumatate, si de aceea, lemmingul a primit ce merita, si anume o experienta aproape epifanica: o ora adapostita... nici nu stiu ce prepozitie sa folosesc: pe, sub, in? Era un chiosc de flori, ca o gradena, cu trei trepte de lemn, si o umbrela din aceea mare. Deci, o ora, cu o carte (bestiala!!!) ... Kamelot si trei pungi cu un total de o suta de covrigi langa mine, intr-o ploaie torentiala de care imi erau ferite numai capul (datorita ciupercii de deasupra) si fundul (pentru ca era postat pe stinghia de lemn). Dupa o ora de stat, ma intalnesc cu "mama" de la tf, si luam copchiiiiii din fata liceului, sa ii ducem la GC.

Acum m-as parafraza pe mine, intrebandu-l pe taica-miu: "Ce sa-ti zic despre ziua de azi? Cum am pazit covrigi o ora in ploaie? Cum am urcat cu 13 copii in autobuz si am coborat cu 11? Cum am tras de vreo 50 de scaune intr-un colt al amfiteatrului, ca dupa aia sa vina "mami" si sa zica, nuuuu, in partea aia a camerei? Cum a venit politia la liceu, pentru ca faceam prea mare galagie? Cum nu intelegeam de ce se chiora toata lumea la mine in autobuz, ca dupa vreo cateva statii sa imi aduc aminte ca aveam un fluture albastru, cu o singura aripa, pe tot obrazul drept?"

Si, de fapt, ce sa zic? Cum a iesit absolut bine piesa. Cum m-am hlizit ca tampita cu copchiii, si cum m-am simtit cum stiam eu ca ar fi trebuit sa ma simt 4 ani la liceu, dar cumva-cumva nu am reusit niciodata. Cum am scris 100 de ravase si le-am legat cu sfoara de fiecare covrig in parte. Ca sa il citez pe plod: "Cine sapa groapa altuia, scapa de o problema"; "A bate mar = to beat apple". Cum am avut 2 zile dupa aceea febra musculara, si nici pana in momentul asta nu stiu daca am avut-o de la impinsul scaunelor, de la ras, sau de la incordarea in care am supravietuit cam jumatate de ora, crezand ca nu or sa vina oameni la piesa. Cum aproape am cazut de pe scaun cand Bubu i-a propus opresatei sa ii ia adidasi Vance. Cum directa a venit si a plecat in mijlocul piesei (i wonder if there's a connection to holt's fey, as far as I'm concerned. I suppose I'll always be one of life's Paul Carpenters). Cum ma incearca si acum un sentiment de caldura, cand ma gandesc ce bine s-au inteles ISC si IGC, cand au chiuit si au ras si au glumit pana a venit politia :D. Cum am plutit pana acasa.

Si acum lemmingul e trist, pentru ca nu poate sa joace vineri, pentru ca nu a putut sa mearga la repetitii, din cauza febrei <_<. E naspa cat de usor poti fi inlocuit, in momentul in care nu mai poti sa dai 110% pentru o anumita chestie. Dar, desigur, intotdeauna exista si cealalta fata a medaliei.

shifty eyes i'm not evil...

2007-03-16T12:47:00.001+01:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

vine vine priiiiimavaaaaaaraaaaaaaa dies

2007-03-07T19:59:00.000+01:00

si se intinde in toata tara, nesimtita ca o femeie grasa in tramvai si lalaie ca o tarancuta in haine de duminica. cu alte cuvinte, primavara asta parca nu se simte bine in pielea ei. si nici noi in pielea noastra, cu haine prea multe sau prea subtiri, cu tenesi cu pretentii de underground in care ingheata labute de lemming.

intre timp, intr-o hibernare retroactiva, lemmingul viseaza la cai verzi pe pereti: concert faust-uos in ungaria, in aprilie (ooooo, sa gaseasca bilete, sa gaseasca bilete)... la o plimbare pana la capatul lumii, in tierra del fuego, care trebuie amanata pana in ianuarie, daca lemmingul va mai lemmingi si atunci. la concert anathema in sibiu, orasul (si va suna cretin) tineretii mele, al pastei de dinti in par, al make-out-ului din timpul unei piese imbecile, al cafelei mahmure de dupa acea seara cand am adormit in picioare, jucand mima si fiind it. la fan-fest, si la peisajele ireale de acolo, cu oameni fara pretentii si fara mari asteptari de la viata. la turneu de teatru, la un cluj insorit sau un iasi... un iasi cu atacuri de anxietate, dealuri batute de vant si inghetata de prune.

oare cate or sa se implineasca? sper ca multe. sper ca toate. n-am decat sa sper.

aveam ceva de scris aici, ceva important si diluat de neuroni prea obositi.

ieri am fost la teatru. maine la copilasi. azi cu tp, zambind prosteste in timp ce un leutz microbist isi declara, imbujorat, iubirea vesnica. de ce nu s-or fi facut animalute de-astea de plus si cu "be my friend"?

mi-e frica de faptul ca nu o sa get my way. ma simt ca un copil de 8 ani, stand in pragul casei si batand din picior. be careful what you wish for. it might come true.

PS: vreau o fusta gogosaaaaaaar!!! una ne-sclipicoasa, mai jos de genunchi, de o culoare cat de cat rezonabila (adica NU ARGINTIE, in puiiiii meiiiiiii). cine imi spune in ce magazin gasesc si eu un astfel de graal?

deci io's mai tare ca tolchien, da?

2007-03-02T11:32:00.000+01:00

si in aceasta situatie delicata, cu foile pratic arzazndu-mi de o rusine infiorata, profit de moment si ii extind o invitatie stimabilei iepurence (ioana, pentru cunoscatori, cea care a dixtrus 6 carti cu heri patar) sa ma traduca, dumnescandela mamii ei de viata :))

You're The Fellowship of the Ring!

by J.R.R. Tolkien

Facing great adversity, you have decided that your only choice is to
unite with your friends and neighbors. You have been subject to a ton of squabbling and
ultimately decided that someone humble is your best candidate for a dangerous mission.
You're quite good with languages and convinced that not all who wander are lost. If you
see anyone in black robes on horseback, just run. That's just common sense.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

i-auzi lume

2007-02-27T10:59:00.000+01:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion		60%
Stability		36%
Orderliness		43%
Accommodation		30%
Interdependence		63%
Intellectual		36%
Mystical		30%
Artistic		63%
Religious		10%
Hedonism		76%
Materialism		76%
Narcissism		36%
Adventurousness		70%
Work ethic		83%
Self absorbed		63%
Conflict seeking		70%
Need to dominate		70%

Romantic		76%
Avoidant		63%
Anti-authority		50%
Wealth		56%
Dependency		70%
Change averse		70%
Cautiousness		70%
Individuality		90%
Sexuality		76%
Peter pan complex		56%
Physical security		90%
Physical Fitness		50%
Histrionic		70%
Paranoia		70%
Vanity		70%
Hypersensitivity		76%
Female cliche		50%

Take'>http://similarminds.com/global-adv.html">Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality/'>http://similarminds.com">personality tests by similarminds.com

si pe urma mai zicem:
Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

and then, but only then...
open, tough, irritable, worrying, does not like to be alone, craves attention, low self control, emotionally sensitive, interacting, sad, very social, aggressive, prefer organized to unpredictable, dependent, social chameleon, suspicious, values the heart over the mind, likes large parties, outgoing, likes to make fun, likes to fit in, mildly phobic, vain, makes friends easily, enjoys leadership, clingy, rash