Foaming at the mouth, take 2

I'm pondering between going "fucking hell", "oh my god" or variations of "graah yargh gurgle bleah".

I

can't

believe

it.

And yes, I know it's envy, after all is said and done, this humongous humongous bout of "rip-his/her/its-throat-out" envy. Or is it sadness, or is it self-loathing, or is it just "bleah". But what should I care, where she goes and what she does, when I cut that off almost two years ago. But seriously. And no, I mean /seriously/, of all the places, of all the things - why? Why there? Why?

Now I know I'll never forgive myself if my plan fails. And I know it's childish, and lame, and small and petty, and any other way you wish to call it, but that was just low. Only it wasn't, because it theoretically shouldn't have anything to do with me. I'm taking it personally out a form of very twisted and misplaced greed.

I haz a sad nao. Myeah.