"If I ordered you to kill me..."

The new year has begun in a flurry, and I can't believe that only 2 weeks have passed since I was playing with a kitten in Vama Veche.



I'll be going to the Czech Republic in February. I'll be going to Cluj during the one-week holiday. I'll be running away from life, as per usual. The end-of-school project is looming, but I couldn't care less. I should be ashamed of myself, but I'm feeling weak-willed and complacent. Pfff... whatever, right?

There's days when my obsession pulls me closer than usual, when I feel I can't look at anything else, or do anything else. Because I should have known what I was getting myself into, but I gloriously failed to address the problem. Remember, this is my poultice, but it's also becoming my drug.



The idea that one day I'll just wake up and find myself removed from this world that I cherish so much almost makes me have an anxiety attack. Because I'm as resistant to change as Saban, and because when I meet Camaban-like people, who have the vision and the will-power to change the world, I get scared of them. I suppose that the Nakahara Sunako metaphore is perfectly appliable. So you've gotten hurt. Why keep trying, when you can give it all up and dwell in darkness all alone?



But my radiant creature would probably smack me upside the head for those thoughts :)